Anonymous wrote:Here I am getting harassed by my boss for taking two days off for my FIL's funeral.

My old boss called the funeral home when I wasn't answering my cell phone during my father's calling hours to ask what I had accomplished in the four days I had taken off.

Anonymous wrote:What is the longest you have had a direct report or a co-worker take off after a parental death? After the bereavement leave, after all their sick time, vacation time and starting to take pay without leave. What's reasonable here? What is everyone's experience with this? I recently lost a parent and took my companies allotted bereavement time and thats it. This is starting to feel excessive.

There is absolutely no way anyone here cood answer this for you. Since you don't know how to run your business, I assume you are not the one running it, so MYOB.

Decent chance they inherited and aren’t coming back.

I’ll be inheriting when my parent passes and I’ll stay as long as possible on health insurance, but will be quitting once I can no longer remain employed without going to work.

I think if they're using time off without pay and no idea of when they will be back that's a real issue.

I get it, OP. The leave without pay and not knowing when they will be back is probably making things difficult for everyone else. You want to be sensitive to their difficulties but also there are things at work that need to be done.

If you talk to this person, perhaps you can first couch it as "We need to be able to plan for your absence. Can you help us?" It might not be as much of a problem if you can get a date of return and then make plans to accommodate for that.

If they can't give you a specific date of return, then that is a whole other set of problems.

Here I am getting harassed by my boss for taking two days off for my FIL's funeral.

I took my allotted time 3 days, plus 2 my boss gave me) and was back. It was a shitshow and my head wasn’t properly in the game for months as a result. I had to handle things in my free time and never got to process the grief, and it led to more problems down the line,

I’ve learned my lesson about taking the leave I need in the future, even if it has to be unpaid.

Cleaning out a house and handling an estate take a lot of time. You might have to be in person for some things, and that might mean traveling across country at different intervals. If you’re being paid by the estate as an executor, the federal government prohibits its employees from doing any work from the office or during work hours. So this leads to a lot more time off for federal workers when you can’t take a ten minute call from the lawyer at your desk.

I have a colleague who is currently on leave due to losing a parent. I think they’ve been gone for 6 weeks now. I would ‘t say it’s excessive but we have no idea when they’re returning and we’re trying to cover their workload. It’s just hard to plan properly but they should take all the time they need. Death is hard.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever the FMLA max is. The person could be suffering depression.

they have to apply for fmla and have it approved then, the boss cant do anything until they apply

PP, yes, if OP is this person's boss, there's nothing wrong with consulting HR for proper procedure and gently explaining to their direct report that using unpaid leave requires FMLA, if that's the policy (and if it's not the policy, then asking HR what policies there are regarding unpaid leave). OP's post didn't list any business concerns though, just "I recently lost a parent and took my companies allotted bereavement time and thats it. This is starting to feel excessive." It's not an issue that it "feels" excessive to OP, just because OP took the allotted three days, or whatever the company gives.

Unless this is your direct report, you need to stop worrying about whether other people are behaving and focus on the work at hand.

Are you able to do all your work?
Is all important work that you’re involved in getting done?

If yes, MYOB.

If no, THAT’S the problem, and it’s the company’s problem to solve, not your coworker’s. Since she is taking leave without pay, they are in the loop and are either doing what is required (FMLA, etc) or making allowances based on the company’s best interest. So, you present the work-based issue to the appropriate person (your boss, project manager, whatever) and work towards a solution. “I’m having some problems getting all the TPS reports done on time - I used to do part A and Larla did part B, and in her absence I’ve been doing both. What’s the best way to handle this? Can the deadlines be pushed, or is there someone else who can help out?”

Several people I know were fired after their parent died, because of how long and how much time it was taking to settle their estate.

It takes a long time OP. Need some time for grieving and then, at different times, you need lots of time to take care of the house and any estate.

The specifics and circumstances of the death are irrelevant. You have a policy about leave, and you apply it.

If you don’t have a policy, you need to set one. But if you didn’t have a policy, I would consult with some sort of legal or HR entity before you tell this person what you’re going to do about them.

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? If they have the leave it makes sense to use it. I regret leaving companies with unused leave.

Do people even read the posts? The OP said this person is now using unpaid leave. Which means the employer is being accommodating. Not all employers are required to comply with FMLA and parental death also does not automatically invoke the ability to use FMLA.

There are some employers and jobs where shit needs to get done and there is some point where this can't go on. Someone is doing extra work or losing money. No one is entitled to any job.

I guess someone could take short term disability. The bereavement time is not meant to be time to grieve, but time to deal with the "paperwork" of death.