If you have two, you already have on additional luxury.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now that your kids are grown - do you wish you had more? I have 2 now and it’s hard in the baby stage but I worry I’ll regret not having a bigger family when they get older.

The baby years are a breeze compared to the teenager years. Try controlling a teen who's having a tantrum!

My husband came from a big family and he did not want the chaos. I only had one sibling, so for us 2 were perfect.

Why do you want a big family? what do you think a "big" family would do for you (personally) later in life?

Op here. My husband is from a big family and I love their dynamic as they get older. They always have each other but I recognize other factors in play. I have a longing for a third that I need to work through.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This system is made for 2+2 max, another +1 complicates life. Well, may be not if you are very wealthy or poor enough for freebies, not easy for middle and upper middle class.

Yea because being poor makes it easier to have multiple children. What a time deaf comment.

No it doesn't for all but for ones who tend to procreate liberally and then rely on free resources and not stress about parental responsibilities.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This system is made for 2+2 max, another +1 complicates life. Well, may be not if you are very wealthy or poor enough for freebies, not easy for middle and upper middle class.

Yea because being poor makes it easier to have multiple children. What a time deaf comment.

Doesn’t make it easier to have them, but makes it easier to choose to have them. This whole thread is people talking about opportunity cost. If you can afford a lifestyle with one child that you couldn’t afford with more it’s hard to choose more. But if you can’t afford that lifestyle regardless, you’re giving up a lot less and gaining just as much (another person).

With two kids, two careers, two sets of aging parents and everything else life throws at you, you just can't add more to your mix and be good to yourself and all loved ones.

Anonymous wrote:This system is made for 2+2 max, another +1 complicates life. Well, may be not if you are very wealthy or poor enough for freebies, not easy for middle and upper middle class.

Yea because being poor makes it easier to have multiple children. What a time deaf comment.

I do and I don't.

I have an older teen and wanted more than 1. DH did not. We got to a place where that is fine when DS was about 7 and now we are very happy.

On the one hand I very much desire the big(ger) family dynamic that I don't have and never knew. And I love being a parent and would love to have multiplied that.

But on the other hand I recognize the logistical and financial challenges that come with having multiple kids (money, college, where do you do Christmas?, we can't all do things together etc...) and I recognize that my kid wouldn't have been the same person with the same life if they'd had a sibling or siblings (and they are amazing and have had a great childhood). I also realize that when I am around big families and lots of family, I...don't really like it!

So while I am wistful for something I don't have, I would not say I regret our and my choices. I am happy.

Anonymous wrote:I could not have been the mother I wanted to another child during that time.

This^ and couldn't do all you do for existing kids either.

Only you can decide what's right for you and make informed decisions not ones based on some fantasy of happy and fun Big Brady Bunch.

I fully realize that once my children are grown and good I will of course wish I'd had more. But in the thick of babies/toddlers/little kids with many needs, it was a hard no. I could not have been the mother I wanted to another child during that time.

With 2 kids, I have enough to go around. Easily. I feel rested and happy and not stretched to the max. We have less of a financial squeeze.

2 was the right choice for us no matter how 60 year old me feels.

I see two kid couples being done and focusing on things they want to do and retire when they want to retire.

Anonymous wrote:Now that your kids are grown - do you wish you had more? I have 2 now and it’s hard in the baby stage but I worry I’ll regret not having a bigger family when they get older.

You need to focus on a better family life instead of stretching time, money, energy, thin on a bigger family.

I came from a big family and saw how it stretches family resources and compared to my parents, how easy it was for their peers with 1-2 kids.

This system is made for 2+2 max, another +1 complicates life. Well, may be not if you are very wealthy or poor enough for freebies, not easy for middle and upper middle class.

After #2 was born I considered a third and probably would have tried for it if I were younger. Sixteen years later, I wouldn't change the decision to stop at two---our family dynamic over the years has been wonderful, and I don't feel like we missed out on what could have been.