Anonymous wrote:Thank you for these very thoughtful responses! I feel like I learned so much.
Also more people had nannies with older kids than I realized so maybe that is just an expense we need to budget for. My fear is with my likely low salary (from limited experience and no real career trajectory) may make paying for a nanny moot. We will have to crunch some numbers if/when I get an offer I guess.

How are you affording a nanny and a house in the DMV on one Foreign Service Officer salary?

We have 2 parents with incredibly flexible jobs (government and government-adjacent) that are like 95% telework. We have given up on career advancements that could bring in more money in favor of having the freedom to stagger our hours so our kids never need after care or extended camp hours.

I work 7-3:30ish, DH works 8:30-5ish. He gets them to the bus stop in the morning and I get them in the afternoon.

We try to plan activities that one of us can drive them to (or arrange carpool), which is easier once you can drop them off. We live close-in where everything is a 5-10 min drive from our house or even walkable.

Sick days we are already home and they are now old enough to manage themselves. Admittedly once they are like 7+ it gets much easier to manage.

I worked at my son's school; that is how I did it. And for my younger, I would drive like mad to be there to pick her up from afterschool activity, she was in aftercare, and then drive like crazy to pick up DS from his afterschool sports, then cook super fast, clean everything up.
I woke up before 6 am the next day and cooked breakfast, got everyone ready, drove dd to school, and continued with DS to his school and my work. DS was also in a very competitive sport, and I would drive him to competitions on the weekend and even fly out of state for competitions. DH was with DD on the weekends.

When DH had to be posted overseas again, I did all of this on my own and took DD to competitions. When DD was in HS, I took her to competitions, and when she was a junior in HS and DS in college, I enrolled in a graduate degree program at one of the major colleges, brick and mortar. I did not work then, but I did study like nuts and had research that was more than 8 hours per day, for sure.

I did it all. I also drove 3 hours(one way) to DS' college on the weekends to watch his compete with his team.
I came here after years of having a full-time housekeeper.
Depending on how much you might earn, is the money worth it being this exhausted?
I will tell you that I truly believe that the body keeps a score. I am so tired now that they are employed and I am working full time in a very well paying job.

Honestly, it's pretty grueling to both work full-time and have young kids. Especially if your DH is "not flexible" (and I bet he loves for you to believe that!). You gotta have some real talk with him-- if you're going to work, he's going to have to assert himself and claim more flexibility at work, as well as pick up a LOT more of the domestic load evenings and weekends. If he's not wanting to do this, then he's going to have to accept living mostly on his income. He can't have the income of a working wife and the convenience of a SAHM at the same time.

Are you wanting a job for your own career plans, or for the money, or does he want you to work and you don't?

We have an after school sitter. She works 2 days a week from 345-630. She drives which is what we need.
Cleaning person every 2 weeks
We also only commit to things that work for our family. We don’t try and keep up with the Jones’s. It’s too hard and just makes my anxiety worse. For example my kid is good enough for travel sport now. But the driving time to practice 3x a week is too much for us. So we’re doing rec again.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t.

+1.

Anonymous wrote:We have an au pair which provides help to get kids to school in the morning. I work out during this time. She watches them after school, drives them to activities (this is a shared responsibility with me or spouse) because it often requires 2 adults, makes sure they get homework done, and feeds them dinner or snacks before activities. She has the weekend off so parents do all the work on the weekends.

An au pair requires a living arrangement that 99.9% of people cannot afford.

Anonymous wrote:50% of my income goes towards nanny salary/cleaning help, makes sense for me so I don’t lose out on earnings potential if I stopped working or moved into a less intense job/field.

Daughter goes to DCPS (free), nanny drives to activities, does dinner when I get home late (sometimes 7-8). I do have some flexibility — wfh Mondays and Fridays — but generally have about 3 intense days a week.

For sick days, holidays we have nanny help. I am able to plan other annual checkups/dentists etc when I am Wfh

How many hours per day do you see your kid?

You don't have a job until 6. Look for one with shorter hours. Have you considered being a fed?

If you can work from home even one day a week that helps a lot. Have the kids do the aftercare activities offered by the school, that's easiest. Kids don't need as much activities as people think.

Make your weeknight dinners very simple and advance prep on Sundays.

It’s not sustainable without a nanny or having kids in all day and extended day arrangements. We’ve been trying it for 4 years with no help and I’m about to start winding down with a plan to stay home again. It’s sad that part time work arrangements seem almost impossible to find.

Slightly different situation but as a single parent, I just do it (like Nike’s slogan says) because there is no other choice. It’s tiring but I chose to have my kids so I do what needs to be done.

My kids do one activity only and they aren’t on the same day. Dinner is usually something frozen that I heat up or leftovers. Last night was a frozen lasagne and tonight will be frozen chicken tenders and a salad.

The apartment is clean enough because I do a bit on the weekends and clean the kitchen every night. The kids clean their rooms on the weekends but they’ve learned now to make a big mess the rest of the week.

We have an au pair which provides help to get kids to school in the morning. I work out during this time. She watches them after school, drives them to activities (this is a shared responsibility with me or spouse) because it often requires 2 adults, makes sure they get homework done, and feeds them dinner or snacks before activities. She has the weekend off so parents do all the work on the weekends.

We both work, and my husband's schedule is not at all flexible. We can't afford a nanny, so I end up working at random times. I have a flexible job, and I can wfh often.

H has a new schedule so he work 10 hour days, 4 days a week. This helps with doctor/dentist/orthodontist appointments. He leaves the house at 4:45am and comes home between 5 and 6 most days. I get the kids off to school, then put in 6-7 hours on my job, pick them up, and work late the day he's off.

I have kids playing soccer 6-7 days a week, so I often work while at someone's soccer practice. Somehow I get my 40+ hours in. There are rare times when I need to work on the weekends.

At the same time, we don't do it all. Some things get missed, and our house wouldn't meet dcum standards.

Two working parents, two kids in early ES. We live in a big city so everything is close-- 30 min transit or bike ride to work, kids school is 5 min walk from home. They are in after care programs that fulfill our extra curricular desires so no need to do things like swim on the weekends. We have a small apartment which cuts down a lot on upkeep. We stagger our work hours so I drop the kids off by 8:30 school start and dh picks them up by 5. Our jobs are fully in office but we can wfh now if life demands it, which is great for peace of mind if a kid is sick or we have an important home repair to be around for, etc.

I don't see how it works in the suburbs where trips are all farther and require driving. We've never had a nanny but I could see how that would be a big help in that situation.

Thank you for these very thoughtful responses! I feel like I learned so much.
Also more people had nannies with older kids than I realized so maybe that is just an expense we need to budget for. My fear is with my likely low salary (from limited experience and no real career trajectory) may make paying for a nanny moot. We will have to crunch some numbers if/when I get an offer I guess.