His crazy parents. They had been divorced multiple times. Cheaters.

Selfishness. We were young and I thought we would evolve and grow together, but no such luck. I was too optimistic and too willing to focus on what was good about the relationship, assuming it would win over the rest. It didn’t and the opposite happened, especially after we had a kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Classic signs of ADHD. Had no personal experience before then so wasn’t aware. It’s tough

Please tell me how. Dating somebody with ADHD now.

They're curious and good at talking to all sorts of people. But also can be messy and scattered. If they're on RX they'll just be interesting people who easily get along with your family because they can talk about anything.

Anonymous wrote:Classic signs of ADHD. Had no personal experience before then so wasn’t aware. It’s tough

You know it's treatable right?

OP here. half of people are responding incorrectly to my question. I’m trying to understand red flags you overlooked, but still manage to be happily married. Everyone has something wrong with them, no one is perfect.

His propensity to check out other women including on our first date. Marriage full of disrespectful lecherous behavior and ultimately infidelity.

Anonymous wrote:Classic signs of ADHD. Had no personal experience before then so wasn’t aware. It’s tough

Please tell me how. Dating somebody with ADHD now.

Low frustration tolerance, temper flaring constantly over minor annoyances. Other classic inattentive ADHD symptoms. Not chivalrous at all. It’s so much worse after kids. I’m giving it 5 years and seeing how we do in couples therapy, but I don’t know if we’ll make it long term if the behaviors continue.

I overlooked a very high ace score and thought he was somehow unscathed. I was very wrong.

DW has serious anger issues that can get scary. She was bubbly and happy while dating and engagement. After kids she has completely changed. I think I may need to take the kids and leave.

OCD. But I didn’t overlook it. I accepted it.

Anonymous wrote:Classic signs of ADHD. Had no personal experience before then so wasn’t aware. It’s tough

Me too!
Masking is a real thing

Anonymous wrote:Classic signs of ADHD. Had no personal experience before then so wasn’t aware. It’s tough

Same. Thought his lack of judgment and common sense was lack of life experiences.
In reality it was untreated adhd/asd and he is uncoachable and cannot learn. Not lack of life experiences.

Anonymous wrote:What red flag did you overlook in spouse, that in the end was worth it for the relationship to continue?

That his temper and inability to talk things out wasn’t just a “guy thing” but a major major fault and issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny how the only thing perfect people can't do is pick a perfect spouse.

This is worth pondering about.

I just posted uncontrolled anger. You are right. I don't know exactly what my husband would post about me. Likely my drinking problem, which reached a destructive level around 5-6 years ago. I got sober 22 months ago, but he's still got the anger.

Work the 12 steps and make living amends.