Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anecdote: this was back in 1994 at my first job.

My manager assembled about 10 of us in the conference room, then stood up on the table in front of us and showed us all his articles of clothing (not underwear of course) and explained to us why his clothing choices were superior to ours.

He then went around the room while still standing on the table and pointed at us all in turn while explaining exactly why we were all poorly dressed.

I got off pretty easily with the only critique being an unstarched shirt. But one guy...he got mocked for wearing "what looks like a thrift store suit". And, "Where did you get that tie? From a street vendor selling souvenirs and hot dogs outside the air and space museum?"

He then jumped off the table and yelled at us to go back to work.

Now THAT was humiliating.

That dude was a D bag and I wouldn't have been humiliated at all. I'd have laughed at him.

I was 22 and intervewing for my first job out of college. Lanham ,MD. Copy Editing. The guy doing the interview was maybe 4 tears older than me and proceeded to ask me what my GPA (at VT) was. I said 'I think I finished with a 3.6'

He says, with a straight face ". Ha. You told me you could handle any challenge we throw at you but you couldn't even get a 40!? What is your problem?"

This was an entry level position in a strip mall magazine publisher that went belly up 25 years ago. Pay was $23,500.

I just looked at him, laughed, and said "Well, buddy, some of us were drinking beers and f**king girls too."

Then I got up and walked out.

Every few years it kills me I can't remember his name. I now own a landscaping company that does 6/7 million a year.

You can see his face in your head though right? I need to know that you'll recognize him when you run into him again.

Anonymous wrote:Anecdote: this was back in 1994 at my first job.

My manager assembled about 10 of us in the conference room, then stood up on the table in front of us and showed us all his articles of clothing (not underwear of course) and explained to us why his clothing choices were superior to ours.

He then went around the room while still standing on the table and pointed at us all in turn while explaining exactly why we were all poorly dressed.

I got off pretty easily with the only critique being an unstarched shirt. But one guy...he got mocked for wearing "what looks like a thrift store suit". And, "Where did you get that tie? From a street vendor selling souvenirs and hot dogs outside the air and space museum?"

He then jumped off the table and yelled at us to go back to work.

Now THAT was humiliating.

That dude was a D bag and I wouldn't have been humiliated at all. I'd have laughed at him.

I was 22 and intervewing for my first job out of college. Lanham ,MD. Copy Editing. The guy doing the interview was maybe 4 tears older than me and proceeded to ask me what my GPA (at VT) was. I said 'I think I finished with a 3.6'

He says, with a straight face ". Ha. You told me you could handle any challenge we throw at you but you couldn't even get a 40!? What is your problem?"

This was an entry level position in a strip mall magazine publisher that went belly up 25 years ago. Pay was $23,500.

I just looked at him, laughed, and said "Well, buddy, some of us were drinking beers and f**king girls too."

Then I got up and walked out.

Every few years it kills me I can't remember his name. I now own a landscaping company that does 6/7 million a year.

Op - am actually not that young!
The humiliation relates to the fact that I have accountability but not responsibility and my boss I think doesn’t particularly like or respect me but seems to want me to to achieve goals that are impossible due to the aforementioned. So I have to insert myself into things that I have no official business being involved in; and very little power to impact.
Every day is like if someone said to you ‘make sure the Red Sox beat the Yankees’ but you weren’t the coach so you just went to the game offering your opinion and people were like - who tf are you? Go away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No op, but I understand workplace humiliation. In my case I m pretty senior and 2 most ago on a rapid upward trajectory. Some things happened (internal politics), and now I'm sidelined with dead end work. It's ego, but it's hard

I remind myself I have a paycheck and just keep looking.

op - do you have this thing too where you constantly think 'oh it must be me' and then you try extra really hard for a while and salvage your inspiration to 'do better' and then things happen where you realize that nothing you do will change anything (or nothing you as a human have the capability to do will change anything) and then it's even so much more discouraging all over again and then repeat

PP you are responding to.

In my case, it's a blessing in a way that how I'm being treated is so at odds with any even partially objective assessment of my work that I cant possibly see it as my fault. People have told me they literally begged my management chain to put me on a project and were told "no". Then the people who are on the project come to me on the side for help.

Corporate politics are brutal. It's not your fault. All you can do is leave, and in the meantime do the bare minimum that's required to earn your paycheck.

Yes, OP. Keep getting experience. Find the positives. Make it a game. And get an exit strategy. That might be moving to a cheaper area. Find something - a goal, etc. -outside of work that makes you happy. Hang in there! It will get better. Where you work is a choice and you have the power to change it.

I'm guessing you are fairly young, OP.
I've had jobs I absolutely hated. Some days I would walk to work saying, "I hate my job" with every step.
But I kept going to work because a job you hate is better than no job at all.
Recently, I found a job I 100% loved. I could not believe my good fortune. It was great for about a year, and then, guess what? That's right, a new boss arrived, and the entire situation became toxic. People started quitting right and left, and the atmosphere, which I had loved, became sodden and dark. Now, I'm looking for a new job again because this new manager is not going anywhere, is not going to get better, and the only way to deal with it is to suffer or leave. I choose to leave.
There are lots of jobs out there, OP. Network every single day, apply to a few online jobs (you never know), and keep going, one day at a time. Eventually, you will find a job where you will feel appreciated. All jobs suck after a long time (you get bored or hate some of your colleagues, or have work that's no longer challenging), but you can tolerate an OK workplace. There's no need to stay in a toxic job that erodes your self confidence every day.

Is it actual humiliation (bullying, putting you down in front of others constantly, calling you out in a demeaning way...) or is it you having trouble making a mistake and being okay with it and moving on?

Anecdote: this was back in 1994 at my first job.

My manager assembled about 10 of us in the conference room, then stood up on the table in front of us and showed us all his articles of clothing (not underwear of course) and explained to us why his clothing choices were superior to ours.

He then went around the room while still standing on the table and pointed at us all in turn while explaining exactly why we were all poorly dressed.

I got off pretty easily with the only critique being an unstarched shirt. But one guy...he got mocked for wearing "what looks like a thrift store suit". And, "Where did you get that tie? From a street vendor selling souvenirs and hot dogs outside the air and space museum?"

He then jumped off the table and yelled at us to go back to work.

Now THAT was humiliating.

Just move on. Jobs change, employers change character, atmospheres change, policies change, etc., etc. If you don't like where you are, just leave. If you're not employable elsewhere, you have a different problem than feeling superfluous at your current job even though you're still employed.

Anonymous wrote:Are you wearing a costume and waving down cars? What’s so humiliating about it?

NP, but I think that sounds fun and not humiliating

Anonymous wrote:I had the same thing. I’ve been sick to my stomach over it for over a year. I really wanted to leave with an F you sort of job, but I’ve taken a move that js lateral at best because I can’t take it anymore. I went from being the favorite to the pariah, and nothing changed in the work I do. I’m hoping to spend some time licking my wounds and figuring out what next. I need my confidence back. And I’m sorry you are going through this also, OP

I’m so sorry pp.
it really does a number on your self confidence. I’ve gone from feeling like I had something to add to as if I should be hiding in the shadows.
I don’t think one time since I’ve been there have I ever been given kudos or credit for anything and yet three things I helped drive are now the backbone of our revenue.
At the same time I feel like - maybe I AM terrible at this particular job.
Either way leaving cannot come fast enough and I’m glad you found an alternative option!

Anonymous wrote:I had the same thing. I’ve been sick to my stomach over it for over a year. I really wanted to leave with an F you sort of job, but I’ve taken a move that js lateral at best because I can’t take it anymore. I went from being the favorite to the pariah, and nothing changed in the work I do. I’m hoping to spend some time licking my wounds and figuring out what next. I need my confidence back. And I’m sorry you are going through this also, OP

What do you think caused their about-face, PP?

I had the same thing. I’ve been sick to my stomach over it for over a year. I really wanted to leave with an F you sort of job, but I’ve taken a move that js lateral at best because I can’t take it anymore. I went from being the favorite to the pariah, and nothing changed in the work I do. I’m hoping to spend some time licking my wounds and figuring out what next. I need my confidence back. And I’m sorry you are going through this also, OP

Anonymous wrote:I was not allowed to attend meetings for my entire section because my boss decided it wasn't important for me to know. I told her it made the team not see me as a part of them, and I was alone on an island when the very work SHE judged me on, was dependent on them completing action items I gave them. She still refused.

I asked what I had to do to move up in my company after I'd gotten a degree and my attorney said she'd get back to me. I had four years experience .For three months I kept trying to follow up with her and she refused, but hired someone with zero experience and then told me there was nowhere for me to go. So I quit.

op - it's this kind of thing. not being invited to meetings where strategy is being decided. constantly being demoted by dint of being left out. It's basically constructive dismissal.

I was not allowed to attend meetings for my entire section because my boss decided it wasn't important for me to know. I told her it made the team not see me as a part of them, and I was alone on an island when the very work SHE judged me on, was dependent on them completing action items I gave them. She still refused.

I asked what I had to do to move up in my company after I'd gotten a degree and my attorney said she'd get back to me. I had four years experience .For three months I kept trying to follow up with her and she refused, but hired someone with zero experience and then told me there was nowhere for me to go. So I quit.