Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you but maybe what you’re seeing as shaming is more about what posters feel for the kids than for you. I think divorce is incredibly hard on kids, no matter the circumstance. Doesn’t mean I think any less of the mom.

And here you are shaming people who divorce. Divorce is not always hard on the kids. Stop it. A lot of the times, kids are happier when parents divorce.

Up until dad dies and leaves everything to his new wife and family. Then, not so happy.

The average American is in debt and has nothing to leave behind contrary to the popular DCUM opinion. Also, presumably, they have a mom who could leave them an inheritance and they are not children at that point.

The average American probably isn't even married. We're talking about the ones who are who are also more likely to have means.

Anonymous wrote:I think this site encourages divorce even for the trivial stuff. Your husband doesn’t share in household duties? Dump him!

I don’t think that’s trivial. Why should women stay married to man-babies and become martyrs? To perpetuate the notion that men need to be taken care of for the rest of their lives? What are you teaching your sons and daughters?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you but maybe what you’re seeing as shaming is more about what posters feel for the kids than for you. I think divorce is incredibly hard on kids, no matter the circumstance. Doesn’t mean I think any less of the mom.

And here you are shaming people who divorce. Divorce is not always hard on the kids. Stop it. A lot of the times, kids are happier when parents divorce.

Up until dad dies and leaves everything to his new wife and family. Then, not so happy.

The average American is in debt and has nothing to leave behind contrary to the popular DCUM opinion. Also, presumably, they have a mom who could leave them an inheritance and they are not children at that point.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you but maybe what you’re seeing as shaming is more about what posters feel for the kids than for you. I think divorce is incredibly hard on kids, no matter the circumstance. Doesn’t mean I think any less of the mom.

And here you are shaming people who divorce. Divorce is not always hard on the kids. Stop it. A lot of the times, kids are happier when parents divorce.

Up until dad dies and leaves everything to his new wife and family. Then, not so happy.

I think this site encourages divorce even for the trivial stuff. Your husband doesn’t share in household duties? Dump him!

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you but maybe what you’re seeing as shaming is more about what posters feel for the kids than for you. I think divorce is incredibly hard on kids, no matter the circumstance. Doesn’t mean I think any less of the mom.

And here you are shaming people who divorce. Divorce is not always hard on the kids. Stop it. A lot of the times, kids are happier when parents divorce.

I agree with you but maybe what you’re seeing as shaming is more about what posters feel for the kids than for you. I think divorce is incredibly hard on kids, no matter the circumstance. Doesn’t mean I think any less of the mom.

I think a lot of people think that the longevity of the marriage has inherent value in itself and that by making it through the “tough times” until they were content in old age they have won the race. I see one or two posters here in particular who make the argument a lot.

I think this is a comforting story we tell ourselves in a long marriage. The truth is that if I had left my husband during a difficult period I may well have turned out happier and healthier. I see women who were married for 40, 50 years and they look so worn down and miserable. My divorced mother and never married aunt look vibrant and happy and young by comparison.

That said I really love my husband, even on our absolute worst days, and I plan on staying with him until one of us dies. If I didn’t love him I wouldn’t stay with him and I wouldn’t feel particularly bad about it. And I don’t think anyone should feel bad about leaving a bad marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well if it helps (I know it doesn't) , I judge people who choose to stay in marriages that should have ended in divorce. As a child, I begged my parents to divorce

What does this even mean?

Someone sat down a child and said: How does a divorces family where you live with dad half the week and then mom half the week sound to you?

And you said: Great! Better!


Let’s say they argue so people think that them no longer living together will stop that entirely. All they do is argue, divorce will stop that, yay.

Do people really think it’s that simple? Both of them don’t get along and argue.

No one stops and looks at what they’re arguing about or how each & every argument started, or the abuse behind closed doors, the cries for help, the underlying mental disorders?, etc.
They just skip that part and say Everyone’s better apart, go children, go!

How about I see dad on weekends and sometimes during the week he takes me to practice. Even though I only see on weekends I am happy every time I see him. Patrick on the other hand sees Mom and dad every day. Dad is always grumpy and angry. Mom is always stressed. I am sure you think Patrick is better off right

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well if it helps (I know it doesn't) , I judge people who choose to stay in marriages that should have ended in divorce. As a child, I begged my parents to divorce

What does this even mean?

Someone sat down a child and said: How does a divorces family where you live with dad half the week and then mom half the week sound to you?

And you said: Great! Better!


Let’s say they argue so people think that them no longer living together will stop that entirely. All they do is argue, divorce will stop that, yay.

Do people really think it’s that simple? Both of them don’t get along and argue.

No one stops and looks at what they’re arguing about or how each & every argument started, or the abuse behind closed doors, the cries for help, the underlying mental disorders?, etc.
They just skip that part and say Everyone’s better apart, go children, go!

Enter divorce shamer!

I agree with you, but please keep in mind that just because someone decides to pass judgment on you, it doesn't mean you have to absorb that. It's like if someone looks you up and down and says "that outfit is terrible - I hate it," you can think "oh my god, I'm never wearing this again!" or you can think "wow, she has no filter, what a shame" and skip along with your day, happy and confident in the outfit you pulled together that morning.

Anonymous wrote:Well if it helps (I know it doesn't) , I judge people who choose to stay in marriages that should have ended in divorce. As a child, I begged my parents to divorce

What does this even mean?

Someone sat down a child and said: How does a divorces family where you live with dad half the week and then mom half the week sound to you?

And you said: Great! Better!


Let’s say they argue so people think that them no longer living together will stop that entirely. All they do is argue, divorce will stop that, yay.

Do people really think it’s that simple? Both of them don’t get along and argue.

No one stops and looks at what they’re arguing about or how each & every argument started, or the abuse behind closed doors, the cries for help, the underlying mental disorders?, etc.
They just skip that part and say Everyone’s better apart, go children, go!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see divorce shaming here at all.

I don't either. I see a lot more adultery shaming (appropriately so). And OP, your contention that divorces are more shamed here than abusers is absurd. Good for you for getting a divorce if you were being abused. Go get therapy and stop blaming others for your own feelings.

+1 Op, you need to work on yourself. People are too busy with their life to care if you are married or divorced. If anyone cares, then they are the problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see divorce shaming here at all.

I don't either. I see a lot more adultery shaming (appropriately so). And OP, your contention that divorces are more shamed here than abusers is absurd. Good for you for getting a divorce if you were being abused. Go get therapy and stop blaming others for your own feelings.

The Therapy police officer has spoken. Where is the Spectrum police officer? By the end of this thread someone will claim that OP is on the Spectrum lol.

Anonymous wrote:Some will call me sexist I am sure. On this forum at least it seems that 90% of the shaming come from married women. You would think a woman will have empathy in this situation nope she will judge instead. Even in the real.word, I don't recall.instances when me and my friends judge other divorced dads.

It's sexism. There was an article I read last year explaining why women are attacked to divorced men but divorce women don't always enjoy the same attractiveness from other men. It does into details about how a man who is thinking about marrying a divorce woman is more likely to get pushback from his family.

I will look for the article and post it here.