My kids are excellent students and ambitious but even so we had a lot of trouble justifying out of state tuition especially at the fancy private schools at $70-80k per year just for tuition. It was just hard for me to see why these schools are 3-4x as good as state or cheaper options, since they're 3-4x as expensive. The entire four year education could cost $400-500k and that is just for undergrad.

However my kids somehow developed humility and they don't act or feel entitled even though they are pretty well off. If a kid really has no concept of money or hard work it might be a mistake to pay for them to go to college when they might not appreciate it and might spend all of their time partying.

On the third hand, refusing to pay for a kid's college is a bit of cutting off your nose to spite your face. The kid will ether not go to college or go into significant debt to go to college, both of which are not very good outcomes. It seems like there could be some middle ground where they pay for 1/4 to 1/2 of their school themselves via either jobs or loans just so they have some skin in the game.

My child had lower gpa than those and got into 4 schools. She has ADHD and starting HS with a Covid year didn’t help her.

She is going to a small school that will provide her academic supports plus also has great programs and opportunities in her interest areas. She got a talent scholarship in her performing art.

If she can’t do it next year with all these things in place, she will come home and do community college. We are giving her the best chance we can. I know she can do well-she’s not dumb.

Is it that you can't afford to pay for college or that you can but don't think they are deserving?

A lot of kids do the best they can and don't have straight As. Some kids aren't mature enough to plan ahead 2 months much less 4 or 5 years in order to work on grades that will get them into college. If you are just being a vindictive ahole (I think you are because who else calls their daughter "princess" like you did) then you're just a horrible human. If you truly can't afford it, then it's ok. Lots of people can't afford college for their kids.

OP, there is a massive difference between "not paying for college" as your title states, and limiting the budget to in-state public costs.

It's fine to set a budget. Strive to inspire and motivate, not to accuse and tear down. Tell them they can take that budget wherever they can get admitted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are usually a variety of state schools - I imagine they can get into at least one of them? A few are pretty easy to get into. Are you thinking a couple of years in community college first? A lot of people do that with the goal of transferring to a 4 year school. It’s worth a sit-down with the family to clarify goals.

+1

They are not attending UVA/VATech/W&M/UMD but they can go to Salisbury/Radford/MWU/etc.

However, I would seriously consider if a kid with those GPAs is ready for a 4 year college. 2.7 and 2.9 are really low HS GPA. I'd have them start at a Community college and prove they are serious and can handle it. Then move to a 4 year once they have proven themselves. Otherwise you might just be throwing money away and on a 6 year path to graduation (if at all).

CC is not without risk. CCs require more self initiative, by comparison. Bs get degrees.

Agree with this. The eventual 4-year graduation rate is abysmal - it's not a system that sets students up for success.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are usually a variety of state schools - I imagine they can get into at least one of them? A few are pretty easy to get into. Are you thinking a couple of years in community college first? A lot of people do that with the goal of transferring to a 4 year school. It’s worth a sit-down with the family to clarify goals.

+1

They are not attending UVA/VATech/W&M/UMD but they can go to Salisbury/Radford/MWU/etc.

However, I would seriously consider if a kid with those GPAs is ready for a 4 year college. 2.7 and 2.9 are really low HS GPA. I'd have them start at a Community college and prove they are serious and can handle it. Then move to a 4 year once they have proven themselves. Otherwise you might just be throwing money away and on a 6 year path to graduation (if at all).

CC is not without risk. CCs require more self initiative, by comparison. Bs get degrees.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids are not high achieving students, college tuition is so incredible high. If my kids were excellent students, involved in extracurriculars then, yes, I can see paying most of it, all if they go to a state university. Right now their cum can’t even get them in a state college. DD has a glorified outlook she’ll go to an out of state, a not so “fancy” one says- they all cost $40k tuition nevermind lodging, foid, and transport. DH is the kind of guy that caves in…

They’re in a parochial, private high school that we are paying for with these lukewarm grades. I can’t afford more tutors. How did you deliver the news to the kids that they have no choice? To your “princess?”

I took that as short for cumulative.

Yeah. Its odd to pay for private school and then run ojt of money. But they can go to a non flagship state school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids are not high achieving students, college tuition is so incredible high. If my kids were excellent students, involved in extracurriculars then, yes, I can see paying most of it, all if they go to a state university. Right now their cum can’t even get them in a state college. DD has a glorified outlook she’ll go to an out of state, a not so “fancy” one says- they all cost $40k tuition nevermind lodging, foid, and transport. DH is the kind of guy that caves in…

They’re in a parochial, private high school that we are paying for with these lukewarm grades. I can’t afford more tutors. How did you deliver the news to the kids that they have no choice? To your “princess?”

Cumulative GPA.

Pay for college, public or else. You paid for private when it served you. Finish the job!

Anonymous wrote:There are usually a variety of state schools - I imagine they can get into at least one of them? A few are pretty easy to get into. Are you thinking a couple of years in community college first? A lot of people do that with the goal of transferring to a 4 year school. It’s worth a sit-down with the family to clarify goals.

+1

They are not attending UVA/VATech/W&M/UMD but they can go to Salisbury/Radford/MWU/etc.

However, I would seriously consider if a kid with those GPAs is ready for a 4 year college. 2.7 and 2.9 are really low HS GPA. I'd have them start at a Community college and prove they are serious and can handle it. Then move to a 4 year once they have proven themselves. Otherwise you might just be throwing money away and on a 6 year path to graduation (if at all).

Anonymous wrote:Kids are not high achieving students, college tuition is so incredible high. If my kids were excellent students, involved in extracurriculars then, yes, I can see paying most of it, all if they go to a state university. Right now their cum can’t even get them in a state college. DD has a glorified outlook she’ll go to an out of state, a not so “fancy” one says- they all cost $40k tuition nevermind lodging, foid, and transport. DH is the kind of guy that caves in…

They’re in a parochial, private high school that we are paying for with these lukewarm grades. I can’t afford more tutors. How did you deliver the news to the kids that they have no choice? To your “princess?”

Do the best you can for your children. One day they'll be 40 and still need you.

Anonymous wrote:Your autocorrect errors lead me to believe that you have engaged in trolling in the past.

This is a troll. OP's writing is bad and careless, yet they complain about their kids not trying...

I agree with PPs. A B average isn’t bad, especially in a private school that likely isn’t inflating grades.

I am a private school teacher. The average grade in my classes is usually around a low B (3 on a 4 scale). The students with Bs get accepted at great schools, too.