Anonymous wrote:My neighbor just finished high school. He is in his 70's. You have plenty of years ahead of you and time to make changes that bring you contentment. No need to continue on the same path you are on.

This is so true.

Well, I’m 42 and I don’t have that particular problem. I accept that no option in life is perfect and I do the best I can. I always have and I know that deep down.

My mother started dumping her regrets on me at that stage of her life. She’s still at it. I wouldn’t recommend that approach.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this last year and it still comes up once in a while. I need to remind myself that I did the best under the circumstances. My regrets revolve around time passing, parents getting inform, kids growing up, while I wasn’t present in the moment enough to enjoy them when they were healthy and young. I had many time constraints - DH chronically unemployed, I had to be the breadwinner. Would have liked to work part time and raise my own kids, spend quality time with my mom rather than being constantly rushed and stressed. DH is the worst factor in my life, once youngest DC is in college, I’ll be a very lonely person. My mom will be dead, I hate DH and DCs in different cities. It is what it is - a very bleak outlook for me.

Sounds like the common denominator in your life's discontent is your DH.

How long before your youngest DC is in college?

You do not have to be lonely. Go build new connections without your DH. You can divorce him or not, but your social life is yours to build as you please.

I have a social life and I have friends. But there is no way that I love my friends as much I love my kids or my mom or used to love DH. It’s just a very different type of relationship. To me it’s lonely to “just” have friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this last year and it still comes up once in a while. I need to remind myself that I did the best under the circumstances. My regrets revolve around time passing, parents getting inform, kids growing up, while I wasn’t present in the moment enough to enjoy them when they were healthy and young. I had many time constraints - DH chronically unemployed, I had to be the breadwinner. Would have liked to work part time and raise my own kids, spend quality time with my mom rather than being constantly rushed and stressed. DH is the worst factor in my life, once youngest DC is in college, I’ll be a very lonely person. My mom will be dead, I hate DH and DCs in different cities. It is what it is - a very bleak outlook for me.

Sounds like the common denominator in your life's discontent is your DH.

How long before your youngest DC is in college?

You do not have to be lonely. Go build new connections without your DH. You can divorce him or not, but your social life is yours to build as you please.

I've had a dear friend go through this for several years in mid-life. In her case, I think there is an element of OCD-like, unproductive thinking that has finally been helped with a mediation change and a good treating psychiatrist. The thing that frustrates me is her lack of action to change things she doesn't like about her life. I her case she regrets not finding a life partner and complains about being lonely, but she does little about it. If you're lonely, join 6 groups- A church choir; a regular volunteer organization, Sierra Club hiking group, a book club etc. They won't all pan out, but start building out avenues that might just lead you to build real connections you desire. Paralyzing regret and wishing you'd taken another path is non-productive. Decide what can help move you toward a more positive direction and MOVE TOWARD IT.

Sounds like perimenopause. Go to the gym and get checked out.

Anonymous wrote:I had this last year and it still comes up once in a while. I need to remind myself that I did the best under the circumstances. My regrets revolve around time passing, parents getting inform, kids growing up, while I wasn’t present in the moment enough to enjoy them when they were healthy and young. I had many time constraints - DH chronically unemployed, I had to be the breadwinner. Would have liked to work part time and raise my own kids, spend quality time with my mom rather than being constantly rushed and stressed. DH is the worst factor in my life, once youngest DC is in college, I’ll be a very lonely person. My mom will be dead, I hate DH and DCs in different cities. It is what it is - a very bleak outlook for me.

Sounds like the common denominator in your life's discontent is your DH.

How long before your youngest DC is in college?

I had this last year and it still comes up once in a while. I need to remind myself that I did the best under the circumstances. My regrets revolve around time passing, parents getting inform, kids growing up, while I wasn’t present in the moment enough to enjoy them when they were healthy and young. I had many time constraints - DH chronically unemployed, I had to be the breadwinner. Would have liked to work part time and raise my own kids, spend quality time with my mom rather than being constantly rushed and stressed. DH is the worst factor in my life, once youngest DC is in college, I’ll be a very lonely person. My mom will be dead, I hate DH and DCs in different cities. It is what it is - a very bleak outlook for me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tormented by regret. In 40 so I am what maybe halfway through life? I am not going to harm myself, but I have a long future ahead of me. Anyone else, how did you manage with a "new" brain that suddenly haunts you? How do you last 20, 30, 40 years like this?

Yes, people have regrets in mid-life and fear that they have ruined their chances for x or y because they made the wrong decisions in their 20’s.

Unless you truly did something awful/illegal to harm another person, you’ve made no dumb decisions - just decisions. You can now make different ones. Decide how you want to spend the second half of your life and start putting the building blocks of that life in place today.

^This is good advice.

I agree. Maybe it's denial or a defense mechanism, but I typically avoid feeling regret by believing that I made the best decisions I could at the time. With hindsight I might feel I should have done things differently but doubting my decision making ability leads to decision making paralysis. Also for the most part I can't change the results and consequences of past decisions so there's nothing to be gained by dwelling on it. If there is something that needs to be changed, I can work toward doing that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tormented by regret. In 40 so I am what maybe halfway through life? I am not going to harm myself, but I have a long future ahead of me. Anyone else, how did you manage with a "new" brain that suddenly haunts you? How do you last 20, 30, 40 years like this?

Yes, people have regrets in mid-life and fear that they have ruined their chances for x or y because they made the wrong decisions in their 20’s.

Unless you truly did something awful/illegal to harm another person, you’ve made no dumb decisions - just decisions. You can now make different ones. Decide how you want to spend the second half of your life and start putting the building blocks of that life in place today.

^This is good advice.

I’m think maybe d life crises are pretty common. Lots of songs about wanting to go back in time too….

I wish I was 40 and could start over. Try and focus on what you have and set a goal. I regret not doing that and now I’m 60.

i'm having this in my early 60s. sometimes i can't breath from the anxiety, but i usually am able to move through it and focus on the now.

My neighbor just finished high school. He is in his 70's. You have plenty of years ahead of you and time to make changes that bring you contentment. No need to continue on the same path you are on.

You sound nuts OP. Get process help.