Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say more about why you feel sad/bad. Do you feel that you betrayed your husband? Do you feel that you put too much of your private life out there?

Honestly, the biggest red flag to me of your post is that you posted online and clearly indicated that you were married and some dude started DMing you under the auspice of giving you advice, when it’s clear that he was flirting and would’ve taken it further if you allowed it. That’s a predator. I’m not saying like a child molester who was gonna drive across the country and grab you, I’m saying a garden variety guy with bad intentions who would’ve ended up being a bad presence in your life. It seems like you don’t quite recognize it. That’s what you were involved in, and that probably bears some thought. People like that guy have a divining rod for vulnerability. There’s nothing wrong with being vulnerable, but you have to be aware of what it means to put it out there and how to protect yourself. If that doesn’t feel like a skill that you have either at this moment or at this stage of life, you may also want to consider what that means about you or about your marriage, in terms of what needs a repair.

This is so victim-blamey.

OP, if you feel guilty, you need to look at that. And you should probably also look at the culture that created it, because I highly doubt your male spouse would feel guilty if the roles were reversed.

It's the culture that needs repair, not necessarily you as an individual operating within it.

Predatory men are considered something women need to do something about, not problems they're responsible for addressing/resolving themselves, and it's gross.

Anonymous wrote:We're all sexual creatures. We are designed to get high off of falling in love. We should all know this about ourselves, and have self-awareness when we feel a pull towards someone. Feeling a spark is normal. Sharing intimacies with that person is the danger.

I don't think it's that your marriage was missing something, necessarily. No one you've known for decades is going to feel like the bloom of new attraction. I think it's just that you hadn't put much thought into these realities and were taken by surprise.

I also think that all of us posting online are lonely and looking for connection in some way. If anything is missing in your life, I would say that it's a friendship where you can share your true self. So I'd use this as an opportunity to invest in real life friendships that don't have the risk of crossing any lines.