Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I am looking for criteria. A set of yes / no questions to determine whether couple therapy is suitable or has a higher or lower likelihood of success.

surely.. someone has crafted this criteria? I am not a naysayer - individual worked well and I had a positive experience with therapy.

I feel like PPs have said this, but is each person willing to:
- actually listen?
- accept that they are part of the "problem" dynamic?
- forgive the other partner and let go of being aggrieved?
- change behavior even if their way is "right"?
- change how they feel about the other's behavior, i.e., decide to let something go?

Nah, This is OP. That is WAY too loose. I am not trained in this field at all. This }%^ is off the top of my head. Criteria Id want:
1. Each willing to sign a contract to work on identified behaviors 1-3 / week. As set by therapist. That means genuine efforts measured by therapist
(or subject to termination) . Some items can be continuous . Spouse is not allowed to grade or judge but may listen to the others descriptions of efforts, without judgment.

2. Each willing to take individual sessions. (subject to termination by therapist)

3. Each willing to agree on agendas at the top of each session and not deviate from those unless two parties agree (subject to termination)

etc

The accountability is where the therapist threatens to bail if they don’t take it seriously. This is with little preparation… It’s like Kaizen for Couples (maybe?). Surely SOMEONE a has come up with criteria or couples agreements ? Is it all open ended and subjective ?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I am looking for criteria. A set of yes / no questions to determine whether couple therapy is suitable or has a higher or lower likelihood of success.

surely.. someone has crafted this criteria? I am not a naysayer - individual worked well and I had a positive experience with therapy.

I feel like PPs have said this, but is each person willing to:
- actually listen?
- accept that they are part of the "problem" dynamic?
- forgive the other partner and let go of being aggrieved?
- change behavior even if their way is "right"?
- change how they feel about the other's behavior, i.e., decide to let something go?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The therapy itself isn’t a sham but it isn’t helpful when a partner is abusive or unable to accept responsibility for actions due to a personality disorder or other circumstances like an affair that the partner intends to continue. Therapists usually will not work with such clients.

I had to terminate couple therapy when the therapist was unwilling to discuss how my husband’s mental health factored into our marital issues. At that point she was just taking our money for nothing.

Anonymous wrote:OP. I am looking for criteria. A set of yes / no questions to determine whether couple therapy is suitable or has a higher or lower likelihood of success.

surely.. someone has crafted this criteria? I am not a naysayer - individual worked well and I had a positive experience with therapy.

Anonymous wrote:The therapy itself isn’t a sham but it isn’t helpful when a partner is abusive or unable to accept responsibility for actions due to a personality disorder or other circumstances like an affair that the partner intends to continue. Therapists usually will not work with such clients.

Anonymous wrote:Based on my experience and my friend’s:

Is couple therapy not helpful in some circumstances —when there is a dominant personality, for instance? Can’t they just take over and control that sphere too?

Thoughts? Guidance or criteria on when it’s useful. Please don’t focus on “abuse” This is about more subtle behaviors that mess up relationships and their chance of success.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am talking about therapy with dominant or domineering personalities. Once you talk about abuse, all subtly is lost. I am looking for criteria to evaluate when couple therapy will be fruitful.

I was the domineering personality. I wasted or controlled the seasons. I am now watching my friend go through it (She is an engineer who is nit picking and focusing her grievances. She leans toward becoming the “victim”). We both had poor parent modeling. I can’t help by draw similarities between me and her.

I see pattern. I want to help her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am talking about therapy with dominant or domineering personalities. Once you talk about abuse, all subtly is lost. I am looking for criteria to evaluate when couple therapy will be fruitful.

I was the domineering personality. I wasted or controlled the seasons. I am now watching my friend go through it (She is an engineer who is nit picking and focusing her grievances. She leans toward becoming the “victim”). We both had poor parent modeling. I can’t help by draw similarities between me and her.

I see pattern. I want to help her.

Just be patient sir. She’ll be divorced and then you can swoop in with all your apparent care and wisdom.

Anonymous wrote:Based on my experience and my friend’s:

Is couple therapy not helpful in some circumstances —when there is a dominant personality, for instance? Can’t they just take over and control that sphere too?

Thoughts? Guidance or criteria on when it’s useful. Please don’t focus on “abuse” This is about more subtle behaviors that mess up relationships and their chance of success.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am talking about therapy with dominant or domineering personalities. Once you talk about abuse, all subtly is lost. I am looking for criteria to evaluate when couple therapy will be fruitful.

I was the domineering personality. I wasted or controlled the seasons. I am now watching my friend go through it (She is an engineer who is nit picking and focusing her grievances. She leans toward becoming the “victim”). We both had poor parent modeling. I can’t help by draw similarities between me and her.

I see pattern. I want to help her.