Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TheY favor the child of their favorite child. My mother in law did this, even in death, with her CHILDLESS favorite daughter.

When she died, we found out she left money for her daughter’s future child. Her not yet pregnant daughter.

I’m married to her son. We had a child at the time of her death.

She left her only existing grandchild nothing.

She obviously favors her daughter’s future kids. Maybe she did not like you as a dil.

Lol, thanks for blaming me!
Even if she didn’t like me, you’d think a mothers love for her SON and only grandchild would be a real thing…as opposed to a future grandchild that didn’t exist.

My teen is the favorite of all four grandparents and they are the first grandchild. But they are an only grandchild on both sides

My parents tend to favor my daughter, who is not the oldest grandchild but is the only granddaughter (the rest of the grandchildren are boys).

My in laws favor our 2 kids over my BIL’s 2 kids even though his kids were the first grandchildren. My BIL is a very difficult person and has always made trouble for my in laws plus he and his kids live overseas and we see them rarely. So in his family I think it’s due to conflict w the parent of the oldest grandchild and proximity (we live an hr away and see in laws often; BIL’s kids see in laws once a year at best or more often every other year)

I only really grew up with my grandfather.

My mom had me and shortly after, my aunt had a boy (and later another girl).

The boy was always the favourite. It really hurt that he didn't seem to care about the girls.

Anonymous wrote:TheY favor the child of their favorite child. My mother in law did this, even in death, with her CHILDLESS favorite daughter.

When she died, we found out she left money for her daughter’s future child. Her not yet pregnant daughter.

I’m married to her son. We had a child at the time of her death.

She left her only existing grandchild nothing.

She obviously favors her daughter’s future kids. Maybe she did not like you as a dil.

Anonymous wrote:TheY favor the child of their favorite child. My mother in law did this, even in death, with her CHILDLESS favorite daughter.

When she died, we found out she left money for her daughter’s future child. Her not yet pregnant daughter.

I’m married to her son. We had a child at the time of her death.

She left her only existing grandchild nothing.

Wow! I’m so sorry.

I was the first grandchild of my mom’s parents and definitely the favorite. I had a tough relationship with my parents growing up so that bond was life-saving. Now my son is definitely the favorite grandchild of my MIL because he reminds her the most of her own kids (all boys)—but he’s actually the youngest of her grandkids.

TheY favor the child of their favorite child. My mother in law did this, even in death, with her CHILDLESS favorite daughter.

When she died, we found out she left money for her daughter’s future child. Her not yet pregnant daughter.

I’m married to her son. We had a child at the time of her death.

She left her only existing grandchild nothing.

Anonymous wrote:My parents prefer whichever grandchild is behaving the best, performing the best, and is nicest to them.

In our case, it's sort of this and also sort of how much a grandchild reminds them of most- or least-favored children.

My sibling had the first grandchildren, and they are twins. One is very much like my sibling (the perfect child) and the other is very much like my sibling's spouse, who proves that there's always someone who'll marry you.

My kids are all treated well and are all pretty well behaved and are all treated well, but the middle kid can be difficult in ways that remind me of my brother, who is/was our mom's favorite. My mom also cuts my difficult kid a lot of slack; I don't know if she just has more tolerance for his particular brand of nonsense or if my kid is benefiting from transferred favoritism.

Anonymous wrote:My parents favor the proximal grandchild (kind of?). My sibling has used all the grandparents as a pretty significant childcare crutch, so they change plans or shorten plans with us to go take care of my niece because my sister needs childcare. It's pretty wild, honestly. She earns as much as I do and could easily afford childcare. When the grandparents are with me, they complain about my niece being bratty. It's an uncomfortable dynamic.

This was the case for my grandparents - I was the oldest but they liked the ones that they lived near and took care of the best. Think it’s the opposite for my in-laws - they seem to prefer my son (the oldest) even though they provide significant care to the younger two. Think they like they can just have fun with him and not be responsible for the caregiving duties.

Yes, the first grandchild is the most special one.

Anonymous wrote:My parents favor the proximal grandchild (kind of?). My sibling has used all the grandparents as a pretty significant childcare crutch, so they change plans or shorten plans with us to go take care of my niece because my sister needs childcare. It's pretty wild, honestly. She earns as much as I do and could easily afford childcare. When the grandparents are with me, they complain about my niece being bratty. It's an uncomfortable dynamic.

I said all that and didn't mention that my niece was not the first grandchild, just the closest in distance to their house.

My parents favor the proximal grandchild (kind of?). My sibling has used all the grandparents as a pretty significant childcare crutch, so they change plans or shorten plans with us to go take care of my niece because my sister needs childcare. It's pretty wild, honestly. She earns as much as I do and could easily afford childcare. When the grandparents are with me, they complain about my niece being bratty. It's an uncomfortable dynamic.

This disparate treatment is one last instance of bullying towards you and your reaction is exactly what he wanted. Don’t give him the satisfaction even posthumously.

Thanks all. Interesting to see all the dynamics..

I guess we will see when this baby gets here. Not much we can do and as long as the kids don't realize I guess it's fine? The example above about the kids being compared to their cousins is sad and I hope not our experience but we can't control people so time will tell.