Anonymous
Post 07/05/2024 11:30     Subject: I grieve my parents death, but they are alive
I did feel that way when I lived 1000 miles from my 84 year old mother even though I talked to her everyday. So I moved close to her and I cherish those last 6 years I had with her, helping to take care of her and just loving being with her until she passed.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2024 11:13     Subject: I grieve my parents death, but they are alive
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What a waste of emotionally energy.


Says the psycho.


The one grieving someone that hasn’t died is the psycho. Wasting their life away to anxieties.


^would love to know your backstory.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2024 11:05     Subject: I grieve my parents death, but they are alive
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What a waste of emotionally energy.


Says the psycho.


The one grieving someone that hasn’t died is the psycho. Wasting their life away to anxieties.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2024 10:04     Subject: I grieve my parents death, but they are alive
My last parent died in January. My MIL with whom I have never had a great relationship just received a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s and is in rapid decline.

So I’m mourning the loss of maybe the comfort (?) of being someone’s child or even the reassurance that I have someone who cares for me and loves me unconditionally. I also miss just sharing details and joking around about my daily/family/work life - my parents always loved to hear it all; my MIL never asked and was generally disinterested.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2024 09:23     Subject: I grieve my parents death, but they are alive
Anonymous wrote:My grandma lived to be 101.

She almost always in later years would come to the driveway to wave goodbye as I drove off. Even when she had to take a scooter to do it.

I knew somehow she wanted that to be one of my enduring memories: grandma, smiling and waving goodbye.

When I think of her, I always think: "She went with me as far as she could go." And that truth gives me peace.


This is really beautiful, PP, and made me cry.

I am struggling a little myself with my elderly dad with Alzheimer's and an elderly mom in denial. My kids are upset when they talk to him as he's barely there. I hope their memories of him are of him in good health, not like he is now.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2024 20:25     Subject: I grieve my parents death, but they are alive
Anonymous wrote:I grieved while still alive and in ailing health. When they did pass I didn't grieve as I thought I would and I attribute that to all the grieving I did before they passed.

Same. My mom lived to be 98. There were several times I felt like it would be good-bye but it wasn't. I mourned her and enjoyed her company too. But watching her lose her sight and mobility was hard. When she died, it felt like it was time and I was only a little bit sad. It has been a relief for me.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2024 20:10     Subject: I grieve my parents death, but they are alive
Me too. Like someone said, it is anticipatory grief. Realizing this helped me and let me view it as helpful but also helped me focus on it less intensely.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2024 20:02     Subject: I grieve my parents death, but they are alive
You need help OP. That's weird.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2024 15:21     Subject: I grieve my parents death, but they are alive
I grieved while still alive and in ailing health. When they did pass I didn't grieve as I thought I would and I attribute that to all the grieving I did before they passed.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2024 15:17     Subject: I grieve my parents death, but they are alive
Anonymous wrote:What a waste of emotionally energy.


Says the psycho.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2024 15:15     Subject: I grieve my parents death, but they are alive
Yes, when my parents lived far away, I felt said every time I left after visiting. They were full of life and vitality when they were younger. It was hard to watch them bent over and moved with difficulty.

I moved them close to me, 5 minutes away. It seems to have made things easier for me emotionally. Maybe their decline is just so much less obvious from week to week.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2024 14:50     Subject: I grieve my parents death, but they are alive
I get it. But there’s also the opposite: I waved goodbye to my seemingly healthy 68-year-old mom after a visit (I live 350 mikes away) and she died of a heart attack two weeks later.

That was such a shock, so maybe anticipatory grief helps prepare you and lessens the pain when death actually does occur.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2024 14:43     Subject: I grieve my parents death, but they are alive
Anonymous wrote:My parents are in their 80s and alive, but I have moments of intense grief in anticipation of losing them. They live a plane ride away, so I don’t get to see them often. They look so much older every time I visit, and when I leave, I’m scared it will be the last time I hold them.

For those of you that live far from your parents, did you feel this way too?



Yes, I feel the same way. Hugs
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2024 14:36     Subject: I grieve my parents death, but they are alive
Take time off from work and visit them more. Or can they come stay with you for a month.
Life is short. Spend time with people who matter to you. Work can always wait
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2024 13:57     Subject: I grieve my parents death, but they are alive
I live across the country from my father and see him 1-3 times a year, depending how often he comes out here. Each time there's some indicator that age is ... aging him.