Anonymous
07/02/2024 23:57
Subject: Husband’s spending out of control
Anonymous wrote:My husband I have a small friends group with some high earners. We do well for ourselves, but not as well as the other couples. My husband has been trying to “keep up with the joneses”, causing concern for me. His spending is still within our budget, but I do worry it will become out of hand soon. We just became parents and this is the time to solidify our financial future and that of our child. My husband still seems more interested in keeping up with appearances. I’m growing increasingly frustrated with him but I’m not sure what I can do. The things I’ve tried haven’t worked.
How so?
This is a sincerely vague post that doesn’t support any of your supposed claims OP. Try harder.
Anonymous
07/02/2024 23:47
Subject: Husband’s spending out of control
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is within budget but it’s still concerning.
We bought a large expensive home that all of our friends bought. I would have been happier with a smaller home but he had to have all the bells and whistles.
Our friends have a certain car and he bought me a new one. Again, I would have gone with a cheaper car.
We had to have the same nursery furniture, a PT newborn care specialist, a baby moon, etc.
He buys the most expensive food and alcohol when we have parties.
We had to have multiple expensive baby items.
We have to eat at pricey restaurants like our friends do.
Our friends make more than us. We can sustain this level of purchasing with multiple kids, childcare, private schools, etc.
What’s the problem? This sounds like a normal upper middle class life.
OP here. A $50k car isn’t middle class. A $1.8m house isn’t middle class. That’s a lot of money.
In this region it is middle class.
Anonymous
07/02/2024 23:21
Subject: Husband’s spending out of control
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is within budget but it’s still concerning.
We bought a large expensive home that all of our friends bought. I would have been happier with a smaller home but he had to have all the bells and whistles.
Our friends have a certain car and he bought me a new one. Again, I would have gone with a cheaper car.
We had to have the same nursery furniture, a PT newborn care specialist, a baby moon, etc.
He buys the most expensive food and alcohol when we have parties.
We had to have multiple expensive baby items.
We have to eat at pricey restaurants like our friends do.
Our friends make more than us. We can sustain this level of purchasing with multiple kids, childcare, private schools, etc.
What’s the problem? This sounds like a normal upper middle class life.
OP here. A $50k car isn’t middle class. A $1.8m house isn’t middle class. That’s a lot of money.
How much did you put down and what is your mortgage rate? If you have a nice house and low mortgage rate you may be overspending and highly leveraged but you’ll come out ahead eventually when your incomes go up.
Anonymous
07/02/2024 23:14
Subject: Husband’s spending out of control
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You need to both align on a very specific budget for saving, investing, and spending. Save and invest first, pay for the essentials, then spend what’s left not the other way around. I have a hard time believing your H is spending “within budget” on that income unless you are not saving/investing much?
Sounds like OP's husband doesn't care about any of that. He only cares about appearing to have the same level of income as their friends. If that is the case, he needs to get a job where he can make more income.
Generally, that just leads to more excessive spending. You need to learn to be financially responsible first. Exhibit A would be all the highly paid celebrities and high-profile athletes who end up in bankruptcy.
Anonymous
07/02/2024 22:29
Subject: Husband’s spending out of control
Anonymous wrote:You need to both align on a very specific budget for saving, investing, and spending. Save and invest first, pay for the essentials, then spend what’s left not the other way around. I have a hard time believing your H is spending “within budget” on that income unless you are not saving/investing much?
Sounds like OP's husband doesn't care about any of that. He only cares about appearing to have the same level of income as their friends. If that is the case, he needs to get a job where he can make more income.
Anonymous
07/02/2024 22:28
Subject: Husband’s spending out of control
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You need to get him to agree that now that you've had a baby it's time for the two of you to review your budget and spending. Diapers cost a lot, for example. What are the two of you NOT going to buy so you can allocate money towards diapers?
If you can get him on board with seeing "here are all the things we NEED to spend money on" and compare that to how much is coming in, he'll be more likely to get on board with "here is how much we can spend on WANTS".
If you have to invest in a meeting with a financial advisor, do that. If you have to pursue friendships with people who are a little more humble in their spending habits, do that.
OP here. We can afford basic and some luxury expenses. I just worry if will why out of hand.
I do admit I buy the most expensive diaper and wipes but that’s a preference for me.
OP, do you see the fallacy in what you are saying here. Buying expensive diapers and wipes because that's your preference. Buying an expensive car is his preference. Each of you has to not buy your preference, but what is sensible for your budget. If you said I buy the expensive diapers and wipes because the cheaper ones irritate my baby's skin, that would be justifiable if you are trying to learn to budget.
So maybe you both need a lesson in understanding how live a life that allows you to have more kids, pay for college and retirement. You also probably need to discuss why he is doing this. This kind of behavior is generally born out of insecurity.
Anonymous
07/02/2024 22:21
Subject: Husband’s spending out of control
You need to both align on a very specific budget for saving, investing, and spending. Save and invest first, pay for the essentials, then spend what’s left not the other way around. I have a hard time believing your H is spending “within budget” on that income unless you are not saving/investing much?
Anonymous
07/02/2024 22:21
Subject: Husband’s spending out of control
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think it matters if you HHi is like $400k or $750k.
OP here. Our combined salaries change a bit with bonus but usually gross $390ish.
We live comfortably but I don’t feel like we have money like that.
Our friends all make 500k +
The difference between $500k and $400k should be $50k in savings. Are you saving anything at all?
OP here. We do save.
I said $500k +. Most of our friends being in like 600-700k. That’s much different spending bracket than our $400k.
Anonymous
07/02/2024 22:20
Subject: Husband’s spending out of control
Maybe he fell into a temporary shopping addiction? If so, he might need therapy or to join a self-help group to keep him accountable.
Anonymous
07/02/2024 22:19
Subject: Husband’s spending out of control
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is within budget but it’s still concerning.
We bought a large expensive home that all of our friends bought. I would have been happier with a smaller home but he had to have all the bells and whistles.
Our friends have a certain car and he bought me a new one. Again, I would have gone with a cheaper car.
We had to have the same nursery furniture, a PT newborn care specialist, a baby moon, etc.
He buys the most expensive food and alcohol when we have parties.
We had to have multiple expensive baby items.
We have to eat at pricey restaurants like our friends do.
Our friends make more than us. We can sustain this level of purchasing with multiple kids, childcare, private schools, etc.
What’s the problem? This sounds like a normal upper middle class life.
OP here. A $50k car isn’t middle class. A $1.8m house isn’t middle class. That’s a lot of money.
Anonymous
07/02/2024 22:15
Subject: Husband’s spending out of control
I could not live with a man with this character flaw. Someone who must keep up with the Jones has deep rooted mental problems. The kind that would lead to affairs, for example. I would have serious misgivings about raising a child with him, short of his agreement to get mental health help.
Anonymous
07/02/2024 22:15
Subject: Husband’s spending out of control
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is within budget but it’s still concerning.
We bought a large expensive home that all of our friends bought. I would have been happier with a smaller home but he had to have all the bells and whistles.
Our friends have a certain car and he bought me a new one. Again, I would have gone with a cheaper car.
We had to have the same nursery furniture, a PT newborn care specialist, a baby moon, etc.
He buys the most expensive food and alcohol when we have parties.
We had to have multiple expensive baby items.
We have to eat at pricey restaurants like our friends do.
Our friends make more than us. We can sustain this level of purchasing with multiple kids, childcare, private schools, etc.
So change your budget.
OP here. I can’t change a budget when he won’t follow one.
OP here. I cant’t change a budget if he won’t follow one.
Direct your money automatically to savings/investments so you don’t have so much free cash lying around.
Anonymous
07/02/2024 22:13
Subject: Husband’s spending out of control
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think it matters if you HHi is like $400k or $750k.
OP here. Our combined salaries change a bit with bonus but usually gross $390ish.
We live comfortably but I don’t feel like we have money like that.
Our friends all make 500k +
The difference between $500k and $400k should be $50k in savings. Are you saving anything at all?
Anonymous
07/02/2024 22:12
Subject: Husband’s spending out of control
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think it matters if you HHi is like $400k or $750k.
OP here. Our combined salaries change a bit with bonus but usually gross $390ish.
We live comfortably but I don’t feel like we have money like that.
Our friends all make 500k +
You are not going to be able to afford private school for multiple children on that. Sorry.
Anonymous
07/02/2024 22:09
Subject: Husband’s spending out of control
Anonymous wrote:I think it matters if you HHi is like $400k or $750k.
OP here. Our combined salaries change a bit with bonus but usually gross $390ish.
We live comfortably but I don’t feel like we have money like that.
Our friends all make 500k +