My DD (13) is amazingly awesome when she is, and amazingly awful.as well. Argumentative, sassy, rude, reactive, and then also smart, loving, insightful. Huge mood swings; explosive anger. Its perplexing and exhausting. I need this stage to be over!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is difficult? Did you parent the first 12 years?

+1

Says the parent of an easy teen.

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is difficult? Did you parent the first 12 years?

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I’m right there with you. The incredible lack of common sense in the teen years has kept me awake multiple nights.

Remember your job is to let go. You can teach them but it’s up to them to learn and make choices.

NP. Thank you. I needed this today.

And, as I like to remind my children, at 13, they have less than 5 years left under my roof. They will always be welcome but my responsibility to feed them, house them and clothe them ends the day they turn 18. For the next 5 years, they can either absorb all the advice my advanced years can provide them or not. They can work hard and get into college (which I will support). If not, at 18, they need to be prepared to look after themselves.

It was the information my mom gave me when I was a difficult teenager and it set me up to be a responsible adult with a good relationship with my parents.

Same and same

I am much happier personally with the teen stage than the baby stage. Although nothing beats 6-11.

The things I like about the teen stage in case anything is useful to you. I love seeing the flashes of who they are going to be. Funny, incisive, a good friend, whatever. I love the feeling of comfort it gives me for the future and why the world matters to me. The future is in good hands. I love that all the times they cuddle or show me love is because they want to and not because they are programmed to (biologically). I don’t love watching them’make weird decisions but it is nice knowing that sometimes risks work out and not everyone thinks like a middle aged woman.

Hang in there OP. High school was so difficult. It does get better, but 15-19 broke me. You are not alone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I’m right there with you. The incredible lack of common sense in the teen years has kept me awake multiple nights.

Remember your job is to let go. You can teach them but it’s up to them to learn and make choices.

NP. Thank you. I needed this today.

And, as I like to remind my children, at 13, they have less than 5 years left under my roof. They will always be welcome but my responsibility to feed them, house them and clothe them ends the day they turn 18. For the next 5 years, they can either absorb all the advice my advanced years can provide them or not. They can work hard and get into college (which I will support). If not, at 18, they need to be prepared to look after themselves.

It was the information my mom gave me when I was a difficult teenager and it set me up to be a responsible adult with a good relationship with my parents.

You're one cold-hearted b---ch.

DP

You are extremely judgemental a myopic. What works in one house doesn’t in another. Just because your house has a different modus operani doesn’t mean everyone else’s is the same. I guarantee you your house isn’t perfect either! PP’s approach can be done lovingly and produce happy healthy independent adults - like me. My parents were a bit like this too and we are still a close family. All of their children launched into extremely successful independent adults. Maybe be more open to learning from different approaches? It might help ease your struggles rather than jump to judgement.

Pot, meet kettle. Plus you know zippy about me. I’m a product of a home that subscribed to the PP “approach.” So yeah. I’m familiar.

I also never said my parenting was perfect. That’s your projection.

But the tone and attitude of the PP was as I described. You may not agree. They may not like that observation. Either way it does not change my view, having lived it b

I feel like the MS years are the hardest but things do improve once they hit HS... Hang in there!

Since the OP never returned, we don’t know what the problem is. Does the kid not clean his room or is he smoking weed every night? So good luck to you OP!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I’m right there with you. The incredible lack of common sense in the teen years has kept me awake multiple nights.

Remember your job is to let go. You can teach them but it’s up to them to learn and make choices.

NP. Thank you. I needed this today.

And, as I like to remind my children, at 13, they have less than 5 years left under my roof. They will always be welcome but my responsibility to feed them, house them and clothe them ends the day they turn 18. For the next 5 years, they can either absorb all the advice my advanced years can provide them or not. They can work hard and get into college (which I will support). If not, at 18, they need to be prepared to look after themselves.

It was the information my mom gave me when I was a difficult teenager and it set me up to be a responsible adult with a good relationship with my parents.

You're one cold-hearted b---ch.

DP

You are extremely judgemental a myopic. What works in one house doesn’t in another. Just because your house has a different modus operani doesn’t mean everyone else’s is the same. I guarantee you your house isn’t perfect either! PP’s approach can be done lovingly and produce happy healthy independent adults - like me. My parents were a bit like this too and we are still a close family. All of their children launched into extremely successful independent adults. Maybe be more open to learning from different approaches? It might help ease your struggles rather than jump to judgement.

Different PP here but I think it is more the attitude than the independence. I was pretty much financially independent by 18 but as independence and responsibility was something instilled in us early on, it was something we wanted - it wasn't that my parents had the attitude of that PP that they will wash their hands of all support at 18. I had been working since 14, had travelled on my own as a teen etc. I was pretty independent by 18 but when my car broke down in my second year of college and I was short on money (I was paying my own way), my parents chipped in and helped with the cost to fix my car. The other aspect for us was that my parents didn't have much money so we knew early on, that we needed to be independent as they could only help us so much. Also, if we needed a place to stay or a meal, their door was always open.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I’m right there with you. The incredible lack of common sense in the teen years has kept me awake multiple nights.

Remember your job is to let go. You can teach them but it’s up to them to learn and make choices.

NP. Thank you. I needed this today.

And, as I like to remind my children, at 13, they have less than 5 years left under my roof. They will always be welcome but my responsibility to feed them, house them and clothe them ends the day they turn 18. For the next 5 years, they can either absorb all the advice my advanced years can provide them or not. They can work hard and get into college (which I will support). If not, at 18, they need to be prepared to look after themselves.

It was the information my mom gave me when I was a difficult teenager and it set me up to be a responsible adult with a good relationship with my parents.

You're one cold-hearted b---ch.

NP and nah, many of us can relate. I’ve said and thought worse. My son was very difficult for a few years and it was rough. But it got better. Right now he’s at work, a part time job he takes pride in, and we have a bunch of college visits lined up in the near future. We are looking forward to that time to explore options and take vacations together. He’s turned into a pleasant person and might even stay local and live here, which we are fine with and welcome if that’s what he wants to do.

Anonymous wrote:What's the issue OP? Are they boys/girls?

I have to say that while I miss the cute and cuddly phase, I really enjoy hanging out with my teens (most of the time.) Our main disagreements are about them picking up after themselves, getting their laundry and chores done, etc.

+1
I think I’m a better parent to the teens than I was for babies. I loved them as babies but I found it all a bit of a slog - tough in ways I didn’t enjoy - like getting vomit in my hair right before I leave for a board meeting OR having a poop diaper leak out the side onto my nice clothes. I don’t miss those moments and teens just don’t do that. I love watching my kids make good decisions as teens.

I absolutely love seeing the fruit of my parenting, those moments where you see the lessons that you worked so hard to teach them sink in and they’ve owned their own moral compass an behaved with the type of good judgement and integrity you envisioned when you gave them all the redirective parenting when they were younger. I seriously wondered if any of it was sinking in at times - as teens you get to see all of that put to the test.

I also had moments where I said things like “It is very clear you know more than me at your 15 years. I know I just fell off the blueberry truck yesterday and became someone who has not lived in this world for XX years. You are totally ready to go out free in this world without any guidance, support, or money because you have nothing left to learn from me.” Those statements grounded my kids pretty quickly - half tongue in cheek with just enough truth. Sometimes I threw in statements like “do you talk to your teachers/mentors/coaches in that tone of voice? No? It is so disrespectful to me that you treat them better than your parents. They don’t love you near as much as we do; it doesn’t seem fair to me. Does it seem fair to you?” It was usually enough to get them to run off to their room and apologize a couple hours later.

Hang in there OP. I single parent three teens 17-14 so know that there are hard days. Lots of deep breaths. Lots of reminding myself that I don’t need to say everything. Lots of reminders to be their soft place. You’ve got this, hang in there

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I’m right there with you. The incredible lack of common sense in the teen years has kept me awake multiple nights.

Remember your job is to let go. You can teach them but it’s up to them to learn and make choices.

NP. Thank you. I needed this today.

And, as I like to remind my children, at 13, they have less than 5 years left under my roof. They will always be welcome but my responsibility to feed them, house them and clothe them ends the day they turn 18. For the next 5 years, they can either absorb all the advice my advanced years can provide them or not. They can work hard and get into college (which I will support). If not, at 18, they need to be prepared to look after themselves.

It was the information my mom gave me when I was a difficult teenager and it set me up to be a responsible adult with a good relationship with my parents.

You're one cold-hearted b---ch.

DP

You are extremely judgemental a myopic. What works in one house doesn’t in another. Just because your house has a different modus operani doesn’t mean everyone else’s is the same. I guarantee you your house isn’t perfect either! PP’s approach can be done lovingly and produce happy healthy independent adults - like me. My parents were a bit like this too and we are still a close family. All of their children launched into extremely successful independent adults. Maybe be more open to learning from different approaches? It might help ease your struggles rather than jump to judgement.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I’m right there with you. The incredible lack of common sense in the teen years has kept me awake multiple nights.

Remember your job is to let go. You can teach them but it’s up to them to learn and make choices.

NP. Thank you. I needed this today.

And, as I like to remind my children, at 13, they have less than 5 years left under my roof. They will always be welcome but my responsibility to feed them, house them and clothe them ends the day they turn 18. For the next 5 years, they can either absorb all the advice my advanced years can provide them or not. They can work hard and get into college (which I will support). If not, at 18, they need to be prepared to look after themselves.

It was the information my mom gave me when I was a difficult teenager and it set me up to be a responsible adult with a good relationship with my parents.

You're one cold-hearted b---ch.