Be more affectionate, don’t criticize so much, ask me about my day every so often

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve reflected about this and occasionally post responses. Here goes:
1. Made myself happy first
2. Spent more time apart
3. Not care so much
4. Taken planned separate vacations
5. Studied my parents and made a real attempt of the opposite (they are still married).
6. Lowered my standards (it would not have hurt)
7. Learned how to properly have s%#x (I learned that post D).
8. See no. 4 - put more boundaries in place w my in laws. Never vacation with them.
9. Not enmesh so much between extended families.
10. Probably take a two year break - without a label - and then come back together.

NP - Care to elaborate on #7? I'm intrigued

I am sure you are! I married young (26) and I was inexperienced. I didn’t know what I didn’t know! Until I learned better.

No, tell us more. Did you not know what hole to put it in?

I am assuming OP is a woman and is talking about discovering what gives her pleasure. Different lovers and an occasional peek at porn can be very eye-opening after years spent in a marital/missionary position rut.

Be more fun, nicer, don’t criticize everything and less controlling.

Anonymous wrote:Kept his peen in his pants? Communicated his issues with me with me and not with other women. Showed up for me and our child like he vowed to do.

was he arrested for exposure?

Kept his peen in his pants? Communicated his issues with me with me and not with other women. Showed up for me and our child like he vowed to do.

Nothing. I did not really want to marry him in the first place. And my gut was right. It was a disaster. Biggest mistake of my life.

1. 50% of the housework/ maintenance
2. 50% of parenting
3.50% of the admin

or outsourced / managed whatever he did not want to do without me babysitting him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Communicate his needs directly but not insensitively. DH bottles everything up and I have no idea what is actually on his mind. As a result, I feel shut out. He is a wonderful dad and husband but somehow seems not to ever be able to just relax and be himself. This is dangerous because I start doubting his sincerity.

If you know he doesnt' want to talk, why don't you just let him not talk. It sounds more like you're the problem than him.

How is she supposed to know what he is thinking if he doesn’t talk?
And men say that women expect men to be mind readers…

I mean, is he refusing to say what he wants for dinner? I don't have a streaming feed of what's going through my wife's head... seems fine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Communicate his needs directly but not insensitively. DH bottles everything up and I have no idea what is actually on his mind. As a result, I feel shut out. He is a wonderful dad and husband but somehow seems not to ever be able to just relax and be himself. This is dangerous because I start doubting his sincerity.

If you know he doesnt' want to talk, why don't you just let him not talk. It sounds more like you're the problem than him.

How is she supposed to know what he is thinking if he doesn’t talk?
And men say that women expect men to be mind readers…

Anonymous wrote:Communicate his needs directly but not insensitively. DH bottles everything up and I have no idea what is actually on his mind. As a result, I feel shut out. He is a wonderful dad and husband but somehow seems not to ever be able to just relax and be himself. This is dangerous because I start doubting his sincerity.

If you know he doesnt' want to talk, why don't you just let him not talk. It sounds more like you're the problem than him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve reflected about this and occasionally post responses. Here goes:
1. Made myself happy first
2. Spent more time apart
3. Not care so much
4. Taken planned separate vacations
5. Studied my parents and made a real attempt of the opposite (they are still married).
6. Lowered my standards (it would not have hurt)
7. Learned how to properly have s%#x (I learned that post D).
8. See no. 4 - put more boundaries in place w my in laws. Never vacation with them.
9. Not enmesh so much between extended families.
10. Probably take a two year break - without a label - and then come back together.

NP - Care to elaborate on #7? I'm intrigued

I am sure you are! I married young (26) and I was inexperienced. I didn’t know what I didn’t know! Until I learned better.

No, tell us more. Did you not know what hole to put it in?

That is exactly correct. Then I purchased IVF through a clinic. The babies arrived in that manner.

My first marriage? I did not contemplate divorce.
My second? He misrepresented himself prior to marriage then was abusive, I would have liked him to respond to things he learned in therapy and actually put them into practice.

Honestly, if my husband were the kind of man who would ask this question, I would be a lot happier.
I don’t think that women who think about their relationships and post on the relationship forum are necessarily the kind of women you want to ask. What we want from our husbands is probably pretty similar to what you want from your wife: affection, attention, fidelity, shared goals, etc. Women probably want physical help with housework and childcare more than men do, but that’s about it.

If you are the one who is thinking about the marriage and relationship more, then you probably need to figure out what more avoidant women want.

Communicate his needs directly but not insensitively. DH bottles everything up and I have no idea what is actually on his mind. As a result, I feel shut out. He is a wonderful dad and husband but somehow seems not to ever be able to just relax and be himself. This is dangerous because I start doubting his sincerity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve reflected about this and occasionally post responses. Here goes:
1. Made myself happy first
2. Spent more time apart
3. Not care so much
4. Taken planned separate vacations
5. Studied my parents and made a real attempt of the opposite (they are still married).
6. Lowered my standards (it would not have hurt)
7. Learned how to properly have s%#x (I learned that post D).
8. See no. 4 - put more boundaries in place w my in laws. Never vacation with them.
9. Not enmesh so much between extended families.
10. Probably take a two year break - without a label - and then come back together.

NP - Care to elaborate on #7? I'm intrigued

I am sure you are! I married young (26) and I was inexperienced. I didn’t know what I didn’t know! Until I learned better.

No, tell us more. Did you not know what hole to put it in?