Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Treat him like a young adult. He doesn’t need to entertain the kids, do chores, and absolutely no limits on his phone. Let him sleep, feed him, and ask him what he wants to do. Don’t be surprised if he spends some time in his room

+1 - especially since he is only staying a few days

+2

It would be different if he was coning to live with you for an extended time, but since he’s just staying a few days, treat him as the guest he is.

I have a 15 year old but not knowing the 15 year old in wishing I have no advice to offer. There is no advice that would apply to all 15 year olds.

Anonymous wrote:No reason he needs to the a freeloader. Or entertained! 30 minutes a day of helping out just makes him part of the family.

NP. A random distant cousin that OP has apparently never met is not "part of the family" except maybe in a dictionary sense. He's a houseguest and basically a stranger. I would treat him pretty much like an adult guest. Don't make him do any particular activity, don't impose your family's rules and chores on him like he's a little kid needing a babysitter. I would offer food and activity suggestions and see what he wants to do.

Restricting screentime for a 15-year-old who isn't yours is bonkers and unlikely to go over well with the teen OR his parents. You sound like you don't know this boy from Adam, OP. Maybe I'm paranoid but I am not putting myself in a position where I could be seen as interfering with communication between a strange teenage minor in my home and his parents by restricting or removing devices that they have given him. Not your place, frankly; it sounds like you don't know the family nearly well enough that you should feel comfortable doing that. That way lies easily avoidable trouble, IMO.

Anonymous wrote:I have a 16 yo son. I would treat him like a guest meaning I wouldn’t ask him to do chores or limit sceentime. Teens don’t always appreciate your best laid plans so offer him a choice of activities or ask his parents for ideas. For example mine hates the pool and would feel miserable and self-conscious if forced to go. He wouldn’t be being rude. He has a disability that made it hard for him to learn how to swim as a child and now avoids the pool out of embarassment. Some things mine would enjoy doing are taking in a DC United game, a Nats game or taking younger cousins to the soccer field to give them a few pointers. Also, boys this age can feel very awkward and shy around adults so make him feel welcome but don’t force togetherness or take it personally if he retreats.

Great advice. My 16 yo would also not be rude but would be miserable and embarrassed at the pool. He would never say it but he’s very self conscious over his body. Teen boys get like this too and suddenly feel like everyone has muscles and they are too chubby or too skinny. He hasn’t gone to the pool since middle school. He would be happy to shoot baskets with a younger cousin at a quiet park. He would love a dinner at Chipotle.

Anonymous wrote:Treat him like a young adult. He doesn’t need to entertain the kids, do chores, and absolutely no limits on his phone. Let him sleep, feed him, and ask him what he wants to do. Don’t be surprised if he spends some time in his room

This is perfect advice. You can ask the teen when he or she arrives whether there is something specific they might want to do/see or whether they rather just chill. Your relative might be an active teen who might ask to borrow a bicycle and helmet and look around/sightsee on their own, or they might want to lay on the couch snacking and looking at their phone. Most likely some combination of the two. You can also offer to take them somewhere like Starbucks or a movie or pool but just understand they may randomly decline.

Show them where the food is and let them know they can grab whatever they want and let them know they are invited to eat dinner at X time.

Have the bathroom stocked with personal care products for the teen’s gender. Some teens don’t quite have the executive function to pack hair conditioner AND deodorant AND toothpaste. A little basket of products will keep you from embarrassing conversations.

It’s completely unreasonable to restrict screen time at all for this age. That’s for the parents to undertake. But, it would be fair to let the teen know that because you have young kids, the house needs to be quiet from 9pm on, so if they are watching a movie, calling a friend, or listening to music, they need to have earbuds in. Most teens would find that very reasonable I think.

I have a 16 yo son. I would treat him like a guest meaning I wouldn’t ask him to do chores or limit sceentime. Teens don’t always appreciate your best laid plans so offer him a choice of activities or ask his parents for ideas. For example mine hates the pool and would feel miserable and self-conscious if forced to go. He wouldn’t be being rude. He has a disability that made it hard for him to learn how to swim as a child and now avoids the pool out of embarassment. Some things mine would enjoy doing are taking in a DC United game, a Nats game or taking younger cousins to the soccer field to give them a few pointers. Also, boys this age can feel very awkward and shy around adults so make him feel welcome but don’t force togetherness or take it personally if he retreats.

Anonymous wrote:Treat him like a young adult. He doesn’t need to entertain the kids, do chores, and absolutely no limits on his phone. Let him sleep, feed him, and ask him what he wants to do. Don’t be surprised if he spends some time in his room

+1 - especially since he is only staying a few days

Treat him like a young adult. He doesn’t need to entertain the kids, do chores, and absolutely no limits on his phone. Let him sleep, feed him, and ask him what he wants to do. Don’t be surprised if he spends some time in his room

Treat him like an adult. Ask him what he wants to do, eat etc. Don't you remember yourself at 15? 15 is already self-sufficient, can hold a job etc. Certainly don't treat him like a baby.

Anonymous wrote:I think some of this depends on why he's coming.

A 15 year old coming as a vacation because they wanted to see your area, I would treat differently than a 15 year old coming because there is some reason he can't be at home, and in the latter it would depend on why he can't be at home.

This. Can you give us any indication of the circumstances of his visit? I think that could make a big difference.

I think some of this depends on why he's coming.

A 15 year old coming as a vacation because they wanted to see your area, I would treat differently than a 15 year old coming because there is some reason he can't be at home, and in the latter it would depend on why he can't be at home.

Anonymous wrote:Original poster here: is it reasonable to put limits on their phone use? Any tips on restrictions you use that work with your teenager? We allow our kids minimal screen time at their (much younger) ages. Thank you again!

For my teens, sure but definitely not for a guest.

I would not place my own phone time limits on other people's teenager, except at mealtimes when they are interacting with my family. I presume their parents have their own set of rules for it.

Anonymous wrote:Original poster here: is it reasonable to put limits on their phone use? Any tips on restrictions you use that work with your teenager? We allow our kids minimal screen time at their (much younger) ages. Thank you again!

No. Parents will have that set already if they want it. My 13 and 16 yo would not take it well if a relative tried to give them screentime limits. It’s okay to say no phones at the dinner table or tell them not to be on it if they are watching your toddler. Otherwise they will want to keep in touch with friends.

Buy lots of food. Buy things you wouldn’t normally for your kids. When mine were little, cut up fruit and veggies would be fine. My kids still like those and eat them, but can devour a frozen pizza with it and that’s a mid day or after dinner snack plus a bag of chips.

Let the kid take the lead on talking. One of mine enjoys talking to adults and warms up quickly. The other will like having conversations but will take longer and will answer but will be noticeably uncomfortable with a lot of well meaning questions.

Anonymous wrote:Original poster here: is it reasonable to put limits on their phone use? Any tips on restrictions you use that work with your teenager? We allow our kids minimal screen time at their (much younger) ages. Thank you again!

Not reasonable