My friend's child has trouble reading social cues. They were perceived as "bad" or "a bully" but the school worked with them to understand how their behavior was perceived and how to make better choices.

A school that would expel a child like this lacks compassion, and I think when there are other problems (parents get sick, there is a financial crisis, a family needs some support on a temporary basis....) the community doesn't grow and thrive.

Zero tolerance means "my way or the highway" and is a crummy way to guide children.

Anonymous wrote:You aren't going to find a school that is truly zero tolerance and frankly, that is probably not realistic. All kids, at one point or another, do something nasty. For me, what I expect from the school is to hold all the kids accountable and teach them how to treat each other.

Now obviously there are degrees of bullying that should cause a child to be removed (like perhaps physical violence), but expelling kids for a nasty comment is probably a bit excessive.

River School is great at holding kids accountable and teaching them how to treat each other. They probably have the lowest student teacher ratio so have the staff to do it and integrate many research-based methodologies such as Harvard’s Making Caring Common.

This does not mean kids are always nice. For example, at a certain age, it’s developmentally normal for children, typically girls, to experiment with cliques. It’s also important for kids to experience working it out themselves. However the school also knows the girls still need support from adults. They do a good job of giving kids enough space to experiment and work out social situations while also supporting them in an age-appropriate way. In preschool, teachers intervene before targeting starts. In older grades, girls get more space before intervention occurs.

This period of intervention can take time. When our child was targeted, our child and the other kids were all taught new skills that took time to impart. During this time, the adults in the room were much more supportive than I hear of at other schools. Our child was never alone or not believed (very much the contrary) or swept under the rug in favor of a donor child. However social exclusion is painful. It took several weeks to resolve, which I hear is nothing compared to other schools, but it was a painful few weeks.