Stay until college

I had a marriage like this but also emotionally and financially abusive. Also sexless for 7 out of 10 years

If I had known how much the logistics of being divorced with kids suck with 50-50 custody, I would’ve stayed married until the kids went to college because really things are not better and it’s been years.

Anonymous wrote:Will he want 50/50 custody of the kids if you divorce?

What are you talking about? no.

(Not op but)

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Should also add when he does talk to me it’s typically to yell and argue, and he does this frequently in front of the kids.

Well that’s problematic. You should have led with that

I wouldn’t divorce. I am so trying to get out of these family vacations. I’m totally down for paying my half or whatever but I can watch vacations on tv and not get diarrhea

If you get full custody he’ll have to pay child support. Will he agree to that?

Why would you consider continuing a relationship with anyone who thinks it’s okay to scream at you?

How much does he earn?

Completely intolerable. Divorce will be much more peaceful even if it's in a smaller house with less extras.

I don't think you realize how much you and your kids are walking on eggshells right now. You can't even knock on his office door without him flipping out?

I would get a divorce. Who would live with a roommate that screamed at them 2-3 times a month? That is nuts.

Anonymous wrote:Look yourself in the mirror. Are you sure you did nothing wrong that could have created this situation?
How was your marriage going before that?
Someone doesn’t just suddenly checks out of a marriage for no reasons.
There are always two sides to every story.

You both need to talk.

This is DCUM, it’s always the man’s fault.

Op here. I think he would go along with whatever custody division want. He is doing great at work. It’s the only thing he gives attention to and it’s paid off. He gets promoted often.

To answer an earlier question about arguments. They happen about 2-3 times a month. he screams at me in front of the kids sometimes. I never know what could provoke it. Most recently he flipped out on me because I asked him if he could take DD to the dentist next week. He claimed I always interrupt him when he’s in his office. But there is no other way to contact him, because that’s where he stays unless going to the restroom. He gets upset with the kids for this too, even though we only knock outside of work hours. I mostly try and communicate via text and email, even when we are home together

How is his employment going? How do you know if he's weird there, too? They could can him.

I would probably divorce. You would be happier right? And the kids might be too. You are not modeling a healthy relationship for them. Research supports the benefits of divorce even if only one of two homes are happy and stable. Do you think he’d even want 50/50?

I say, yes, absolutely divorce! But first, have the conversation. Make him acknowledge his feelings, concerns, apathy, and why he checked out.

You start with…this is not the marriage we began with. What happened. Let’s discuss and decide together if it can be saved/ should be saved. If not, how do we end on terms to be the best parents to our children. Be adults, and discuss.

Don’t be like my aunt who is miserable. AT 62, no income of her own, every excuse imaginable, she is stuck. You are with younger kids, and already living a single life. Do not prolong this. If he wont change, get the life you want.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Should also add when he does talk to me it’s typically to yell and argue, and he does this frequently in front of the kids.

How bad, and how often?