Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They want to be near the grandkids and you how sweet. Then as they age you are right there to do all kinds of services because they don't want strangers in the house. Then they want one of you to quit your job and be care provider....

But you got a huge step up in the process. How convenient to forget that.

Anonymous wrote:They want to be near the grandkids and you how sweet. Then as they age you are right there to do all kinds of services because they don't want strangers in the house. Then they want one of you to quit your job and be care provider....

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. I appreciate the perspectives especially those who point out parents are proposing something mutually beneficial. I guess putting it in such transactional terms, while very rational, doesn’t entirely feel good. But you are right, we are not entitled to something that only benefits us.

And yes, nothing is stopping us from moving away. We are in the process of figuring out this logistically and are open with parents about our plans. It was in this context that they proposed helping us buy a house here.

This has reminded me of one other similar situation where their proposal felt off to me. They brought up helping with grandchildren’s education down the road. We said we would be grateful and here’s the 529 account we have for the kids. They declined and said they would rather set up their own 529 for the grandkids. I think the only the difference this would make is when it comes time to using it, we’d have to ask for their permission to get the money out right? Those whose parents have done this for grandparents - enlighten me.

Anonymous wrote:I would be delighted if my parents offered me a large gift like this.

It's so funny to read all the posts where so many on DCUM have no issue with putting strings on what their kids major in if they are paying for the education, but this is not ok? How is this any different? In both situations, parents want something in return.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be delighted if my parents offered me a large gift like this.

It's so funny to read all the posts where so many on DCUM have no issue with putting strings on what their kids major in if they are paying for the education, but this is not ok? How is this any different? In both situations, parents want something in return.

I’m not ok with that, either. All these posts make me appreciate my own parents and ILs. Very generous, no strings. It can be done.

Anonymous wrote:That sounds more manipulative than generous to me. I wouldn’t accept that if you don’t like the area. Get out now while your kids are little.

Anonymous wrote:I would be delighted if my parents offered me a large gift like this.

It's so funny to read all the posts where so many on DCUM have no issue with putting strings on what their kids major in if they are paying for the education, but this is not ok? How is this any different? In both situations, parents want something in return.

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing wrong in your parents offering to invest in your lives ina. Way that is mutually beneficial. They want to be near you and their grandkids. Proximity to them with benefit you both as they age. It seems astonishingly petulant of you to be miffed by this.

It's the equivalent of your parents offering to pay for your family to take a cruise with them, only you don't enjoy cruises and you don't want to go....but now you feel resentful that they're not offering to send your family to Paris.

Anonymous wrote:OP - No, we don’t like it here, it’s not just the HCOL. Otherwise we would be more comfortable accepting the help.

Parents know we want to move away and have wanted to for years.

To the PP who mentioned entitlement - yes , it’s a privilege my parents have the money to give. I don’t think we are entitled to a gift but I am surprised that they are willing to give a big gift only if conditions are met. It’s a weird dynamic. Paid for our own education as well so this is the first time a situation like this came up in our relationship.