Anonymous wrote:I generally have thick skin, but this graduation season has been eye opening. Families that we have socialized with, invited over to our home, live on the same street, and have known for over a decade have had graduation parties that we haven't been invited to. And then families and kids we like but don't interact with much have invited us, and that has been a lovely surprise and a lot of fun. This week has had me reevaluating friendships going forward, ie, I'll be stepping back from some for sure. My teenager has been stoic about it all. Anyone else?

This is not the reality of not being invited by people you know.

This is lack of inclusion, which is a form of marginalization and oppression by the people excluding you.

I would never consider being offended by this. Grad parties are pretty boring. Good on you for not having to go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wrote out this whole reply saying that these things are rarely about you or your kids, but the fact that you're ready to cut friends from your list over this actually make me wonder if it really is about you...

When you have an opportunity in life to be gracious and assume the best just take it.

You're hurt. I get it. But swallow your pride and move on.

Translation: I'm going to keep being as rude as I want, but don't you dare judge me for it. Show grace to me as I snub you again and again.

Ok, so now it's "again and again"? Which is it OP? Are you being left out of a couple grad parties, or are you in lopsided friendships?

If you're in a lopsided friendship, the correct response isn't to assume the other party is rude, btw. It doesn't mean anything wrong with you, or that they're bad people.

No one is saying that you should take punches from jerks.

My DS just graduated and it was pretty rough for both of us (him because he was left out of so many and me because I feel bad for him). There were probably 12 parties among his cohort and he was invited to 2 (even though he has know the hosts of the other parties for years). Most of DS' friends were invited to many more parties than he was, and he reports that it sucks to go to a party (the two he was invited to) and just hear everyone going on and on about all the other parties that he was not invited to. In other words, in our area, grad party invites are a notch in your belt and reinforces the social pecking order. My DS is very ready to move on.

It also does not help that I am friendly with parents of the kids that did not invite them and have to keep a smile on my face when I see them even though I am pissed at them for not extending kindness.

For HS graduation it often is based on the graduate’s friend group.

Anonymous wrote:I wrote out this whole reply saying that these things are rarely about you or your kids, but the fact that you're ready to cut friends from your list over this actually make me wonder if it really is about you...

When you have an opportunity in life to be gracious and assume the best just take it.

You're hurt. I get it. But swallow your pride and move on.

Translation: I'm going to keep being as rude as I want, but don't you dare judge me for it. Show grace to me as I snub you again and again.

It’s the American way of socializing OP. Agree it is sad and not really in the spirit of community building.

We had a graduation party for our DD. She invited a few friends and the rest of the guests were family, family friends, and neighbors. We have been invited to exactly zero parties ourselves.
Our DD, who is generally shy and reserved, had a blast and that’s all that matters.

I've been invited to a few hs graduation parties and dread going. If it's family it's one thing but for friends and neighbors, I really have no interest. When my kids graduate high school I will not be inviting any of my friends. I consider it a favor.

Don't use being invited to a party to measure your relationship.

Did you invite those people to your party?

Anonymous wrote:Graduation parties are weird. I would never gauge friendships based on them.

This—invites aren’t just based on your relationship with the parents, kid relationships are involved too.

I wrote out this whole reply saying that these things are rarely about you or your kids, but the fact that you're ready to cut friends from your list over this actually make me wonder if it really is about you...

When you have an opportunity in life to be gracious and assume the best just take it.

You're hurt. I get it. But swallow your pride and move on.

Graduation parties really a numbers game, I don’t think you can read too much into that.

No. Don't take it so personally. Some people are throwing two parties in the same day (one for family, one for friends) some people are going to multiple parties in a day, some are having guests flying in and staying with them - there's a lot going on. If one name slips through the cracks and it happens to be ours, no big deal. I won't toss a decade-long friendship because of one non-invite.

Grad parties are super boring anyway.