Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 20:23     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s fine. It is not good for kids to be insulated from money matters or to get instant gratification. That being said, I get why a teen would be mad so just explain it calmly.


I don't get why a teen would be mad, and I have a 14-year-old (boy). Telling him I'm not spending that amount of money on X is very common, whether in front of friends or alone. He's never gotten upset about it and his friends have never batted an eye.

He goes to private school and has some uber rich friends but he's never once been embarrassed or mad when I said we're not buying this/doing that.


^^PP before you tell me it's a girl thing I have 2 older teens who are girls and they were the same way.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 20:22     Subject: Re:Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
Sounds like the friend is a judgmental brat and your DD is right there with her

What, exactly, is wrong with being “poor?” I’d rather be that than many things.

I would have reminded my sweet DD that, by her definition, SHE is in fact “poor” because she’s not bringing in one dime to support herself.

Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 20:21     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
Anonymous wrote:It’s fine. It is not good for kids to be insulated from money matters or to get instant gratification. That being said, I get why a teen would be mad so just explain it calmly.


I don't get why a teen would be mad, and I have a 14-year-old (boy). Telling him I'm not spending that amount of money on X is very common, whether in front of friends or alone. He's never gotten upset about it and his friends have never batted an eye.

He goes to private school and has some uber rich friends but he's never once been embarrassed or mad when I said we're not buying this/doing that.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 20:14     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
There has to be more to the story here. Is your daughter trying to impress the friend, and the friend is wealthier than you are?
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 20:13     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No, I say that for bubble tea when my same aged daughter and her friend ask for more often than a weekly bubble tea outing. Your daughter has to learn to control her social anxiety and FOMO. It’s hard at that age, but it’s necessary otherwise they grow up to be the worst type of keep-up-with-the-Joneses social climbers. Tell her this from me.


And I have 17M in one bank account right now. It’s not about the money so much as it’s about self-indulgence vs. budgeting. My teens and young adults get all of their needs met and only some of their wants. I openly talk money in front of their friends. They all need to learn not to behave like spoiled brats.






No, I have $170 million in my bank account and feel the same way. My toddler asked for a gumball outside of Chucky Cheese and I said, “You don’t think I got $170 million spending money on gumballs, do you?”

Everyone overheard so they also know I have $170 million, but I just felt it was important to make it clear to him and everyone else. It’s not about the money - I have $170 million after all - just the principle really!


Thank you. I laughed for real with that response.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 20:04     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
It’s fine. It is not good for kids to be insulated from money matters or to get instant gratification. That being said, I get why a teen would be mad so just explain it calmly.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 19:57     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
Next time, tell your daughter. "You're not worth it. My money as for me, my spouse and worthy charity cases."
See if she likes that better than having you seem poor.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 19:55     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No, I say that for bubble tea when my same aged daughter and her friend ask for more often than a weekly bubble tea outing. Your daughter has to learn to control her social anxiety and FOMO. It’s hard at that age, but it’s necessary otherwise they grow up to be the worst type of keep-up-with-the-Joneses social climbers. Tell her this from me.


And I have 17M in one bank account right now. It’s not about the money so much as it’s about self-indulgence vs. budgeting. My teens and young adults get all of their needs met and only some of their wants. I openly talk money in front of their friends. They all need to learn not to behave like spoiled brats.






DP

If you can't handle a rich person who knows how behave in a civilized way that fits in with non rich people, that's a you problem.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 19:55     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
I tell my children that they should not spring anything on me in front of their friends because they may not like my unplanned out answer. It took a few reminders but we got there. My kid would have excused herself and come to see me privately.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 19:54     Subject: Re:Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
Of course saying it is too expensive for a hastily planned activity is fine. Unless your goal is to raise a spoiled brat.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 19:53     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
It depends on who the friend and their family are. Are they rich (or pretend rich) snobs? If so, do you want to furry favor with them? If so, you should be more discrete.

On the other hand, if you have a sense of economic justice, and are proud of it, you did the right thing even if it might alienate a rich snob.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 19:52     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No, I say that for bubble tea when my same aged daughter and her friend ask for more often than a weekly bubble tea outing. Your daughter has to learn to control her social anxiety and FOMO. It’s hard at that age, but it’s necessary otherwise they grow up to be the worst type of keep-up-with-the-Joneses social climbers. Tell her this from me.


And I have 17M in one bank account right now. It’s not about the money so much as it’s about self-indulgence vs. budgeting. My teens and young adults get all of their needs met and only some of their wants. I openly talk money in front of their friends. They all need to learn not to behave like spoiled brats.






No, I have $170 million in my bank account and feel the same way. My toddler asked for a gumball outside of Chucky Cheese and I said, “You don’t think I got $170 million spending money on gumballs, do you?”

Everyone overheard so they also know I have $170 million, but I just felt it was important to make it clear to him and everyone else. It’s not about the money - I have $170 million after all - just the principle really!
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 19:50     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
Just because your 14 year old was embarrassed doesn’t mean you were actually embarrassing. You were fine.

When did parents become so scared of their children???
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 19:45     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
Do you moms not have big girl panties??!?!? These posts are getting stranger and more child like.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 18:58     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
Anonymous wrote:You’re fine.

Also 14 year olds are weirdos who literally don’t want the other kids to even know they have parents, so she’ll be hissing at you about how embarrassing you are for a year or two more. Was discussing this with my husband today as our youngest is 14 and in this phase. His 16 year old brother is finally out of it.


I could have written this. My 16 year old son is much better now. Everything I say, do, wear or any look on my face is embarrassing to my middle school daughter. I don’t think you said anything wrong. You can’t do anything right at this age.