Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 14:44     Subject: Is my expectation unreasonable?
His morning workouts needs to be shortened or stopped and moved to lunchtime. PP is right that the problem is that there’s no compromise here and he’s dictating the rules. That won’t work.

Consider this your first real negotiation in your marriage and remember that it will be a template for most others going forward. If you decide to bend until you break now, that will be your only option going forward.

Talk, negotiate, be a team, or prepare to be adversaries later.

Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 14:44     Subject: Is my expectation unreasonable?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes, your expectation is unreasonable. That's how it is with the baby. One needs to rest to be functional at work, during the day you should take naps with the baby. My DH woke up earlier in the mornings to take care of the baby for 1.5-2 hours before work to let me sleep. We slept in separate rooms for him to be able to sleep as well. It's a difficult time.


OP here. Noted. He won’t do mornings either because he works out and gets ready for work. Maybe I am the unreasonable one.


No hes being unreasonable. He wont do overnight, he wont do morning, isnt available during work hours....ummm when exactly is he "helping"?


This - OP you say he's involved, but he sounds like a pretty crappy parent to me.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 14:43     Subject: Is my expectation unreasonable?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes, your expectation is unreasonable. That's how it is with the baby. One needs to rest to be functional at work, during the day you should take naps with the baby. My DH woke up earlier in the mornings to take care of the baby for 1.5-2 hours before work to let me sleep. We slept in separate rooms for him to be able to sleep as well. It's a difficult time.


OP here. Noted. He won’t do mornings either because he works out and gets ready for work. Maybe I am the unreasonable one.


The working out would probably annoy me too. Also, what does your husband do? If he's a surgeon then yes - unreasonable. Office drone then no - tell him to deal with the baby like most good working parents do.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 14:42     Subject: Is my expectation unreasonable?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You have to stagger the night. You go to bed early, like 9pm, he does the 11pm/midnight feeding while you’re asleep. Then he goes to bed and you do the rest of the feedings.

It sucks but it won’t last forever.


OP here. This is what I was hoping would happen but nope. He said he does enough, and he actually does. I just wish I had help during the night. I still get very little sleep.


Can you flip it so he does the morning? But there is no “enough” where a new baby is concerned. You need sleep too.


OP here. He won’t do mornings either. This is our current setup.

He wakes up at 5:30/6am for a 1-1.5hr workout and then leaves by 7:30/8am for work.

He gets home around 5:30. I put the baby down for an evening nap around this time. I will make dinner while he changes and has a couple of minutes to decompress. We eat and then he takes the baby and I do whatever for 2-3 hours except for nursing. Then we hang out as a family. He puts our son to bed each night. He does let me sleep in and does more on the weekends.

Currently, my baby goes to bed at 10pm and is up at 12:30/1am, 3/4am, 5/6am. and up for the day at 7/8am. This pretty much sums up our day too.


You should be sleeping during this time.


OP here. I’ve tried but I usually can’t fall asleep that early. I’ve always had sleep issues, and having a baby has made it worse.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 14:41     Subject: Re:Is my expectation unreasonable?
Anonymous wrote:Did he have more than 1 month leave OP?


OP here. He only had 1 month. I’m taking 14 weeks off.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 14:40     Subject: Is my expectation unreasonable?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You have to stagger the night. You go to bed early, like 9pm, he does the 11pm/midnight feeding while you’re asleep. Then he goes to bed and you do the rest of the feedings.

It sucks but it won’t last forever.


OP here. This is what I was hoping would happen but nope. He said he does enough, and he actually does. I just wish I had help during the night. I still get very little sleep.


Can you flip it so he does the morning? But there is no “enough” where a new baby is concerned. You need sleep too.


OP here. He won’t do mornings either. This is our current setup.

He wakes up at 5:30/6am for a 1-1.5hr workout and then leaves by 7:30/8am for work.

He gets home around 5:30. I put the baby down for an evening nap around this time. I will make dinner while he changes and has a couple of minutes to decompress. We eat and then he takes the baby and I do whatever for 2-3 hours except for nursing. Then we hang out as a family. He puts our son to bed each night. He does let me sleep in and does more on the weekends.

Currently, my baby goes to bed at 10pm and is up at 12:30/1am, 3/4am, 5/6am. and up for the day at 7/8am. This pretty much sums up our day too.


I think he could shorten his workout time and fit a feeding in. Are you getting workout time?


OP here. I’m not interested in working out right now lol. I do a daily walk but that’s all activity I’m willing to do at 7 weeks postpartum. I’m too tired to workout.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 14:39     Subject: Is my expectation unreasonable?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You have to stagger the night. You go to bed early, like 9pm, he does the 11pm/midnight feeding while you’re asleep. Then he goes to bed and you do the rest of the feedings.

It sucks but it won’t last forever.


OP here. This is what I was hoping would happen but nope. He said he does enough, and he actually does. I just wish I had help during the night. I still get very little sleep.


Can you flip it so he does the morning? But there is no “enough” where a new baby is concerned. You need sleep too.


OP here. He won’t do mornings either. This is our current setup.

He wakes up at 5:30/6am for a 1-1.5hr workout and then leaves by 7:30/8am for work.

He gets home around 5:30. I put the baby down for an evening nap around this time. I will make dinner while he changes and has a couple of minutes to decompress. We eat and then he takes the baby and I do whatever for 2-3 hours except for nursing. Then we hang out as a family. He puts our son to bed each night. He does let me sleep in and does more on the weekends.

Currently, my baby goes to bed at 10pm and is up at 12:30/1am, 3/4am, 5/6am. and up for the day at 7/8am. This pretty much sums up our day too.


You should be sleeping during this time.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 14:37     Subject: Re:Is my expectation unreasonable?
Did he have more than 1 month leave OP?
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 14:36     Subject: Is my expectation unreasonable?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You have to stagger the night. You go to bed early, like 9pm, he does the 11pm/midnight feeding while you’re asleep. Then he goes to bed and you do the rest of the feedings.

It sucks but it won’t last forever.


OP here. This is what I was hoping would happen but nope. He said he does enough, and he actually does. I just wish I had help during the night. I still get very little sleep.


Can you flip it so he does the morning? But there is no “enough” where a new baby is concerned. You need sleep too.


OP here. He won’t do mornings either. This is our current setup.

He wakes up at 5:30/6am for a 1-1.5hr workout and then leaves by 7:30/8am for work.

He gets home around 5:30. I put the baby down for an evening nap around this time. I will make dinner while he changes and has a couple of minutes to decompress. We eat and then he takes the baby and I do whatever for 2-3 hours except for nursing. Then we hang out as a family. He puts our son to bed each night. He does let me sleep in and does more on the weekends.

Currently, my baby goes to bed at 10pm and is up at 12:30/1am, 3/4am, 5/6am. and up for the day at 7/8am. This pretty much sums up our day too.


I think he could shorten his workout time and fit a feeding in. Are you getting workout time?
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 14:35     Subject: Is my expectation unreasonable?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes, your expectation is unreasonable. That's how it is with the baby. One needs to rest to be functional at work, during the day you should take naps with the baby. My DH woke up earlier in the mornings to take care of the baby for 1.5-2 hours before work to let me sleep. We slept in separate rooms for him to be able to sleep as well. It's a difficult time.


OP here. Noted. He won’t do mornings either because he works out and gets ready for work. Maybe I am the unreasonable one.


No hes being unreasonable. He wont do overnight, he wont do morning, isnt available during work hours....ummm when exactly is he "helping"?
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 14:25     Subject: Is my expectation unreasonable?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes, your expectation is unreasonable. That's how it is with the baby. One needs to rest to be functional at work, during the day you should take naps with the baby. My DH woke up earlier in the mornings to take care of the baby for 1.5-2 hours before work to let me sleep. We slept in separate rooms for him to be able to sleep as well. It's a difficult time.


OP here. Noted. He won’t do mornings either because he works out and gets ready for work. Maybe I am the unreasonable one.


The issue is not the division but his laying down the law about how it is going to be to you and w/o discussion.

I'd approach him about it when you're both calm. Say you are sleep deprived and feeling (however you're feeling). If he is not going to help some nights, then you're going to get a night nurse a couple nights a week. Then do it.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 14:16     Subject: Is my expectation unreasonable?
Anonymous wrote:Can you hire a night nurse for a couple nights per week?


OP here. I don’t feel comfortable with this. I think it would I cause me more anxiety and I won’t be able to sleep.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 14:16     Subject: Is my expectation unreasonable?
My babies were up every two hours for the LONGEST time.

It is HARD. But you have to be getting enough sleep so you can safely watch a child during the day, as well.

You can't go to sleep that early NOW. But if you keep trying and getting up early you will. Go to bed early. Wear an eye mask and earbuds or use a white noise machine.

But you have to get sleep.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 14:15     Subject: Is my expectation unreasonable?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You have to stagger the night. You go to bed early, like 9pm, he does the 11pm/midnight feeding while you’re asleep. Then he goes to bed and you do the rest of the feedings.

It sucks but it won’t last forever.


OP here. This is what I was hoping would happen but nope. He said he does enough, and he actually does. I just wish I had help during the night. I still get very little sleep.


Can you flip it so he does the morning? But there is no “enough” where a new baby is concerned. You need sleep too.


OP here. He won’t do mornings either. This is our current setup.

He wakes up at 5:30/6am for a 1-1.5hr workout and then leaves by 7:30/8am for work.

He gets home around 5:30. I put the baby down for an evening nap around this time. I will make dinner while he changes and has a couple of minutes to decompress. We eat and then he takes the baby and I do whatever for 2-3 hours except for nursing. Then we hang out as a family. He puts our son to bed each night. He does let me sleep in and does more on the weekends.

Currently, my baby goes to bed at 10pm and is up at 12:30/1am, 3/4am, 5/6am. and up for the day at 7/8am. This pretty much sums up our day too.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 14:14     Subject: Is my expectation unreasonable?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You have to stagger the night. You go to bed early, like 9pm, he does the 11pm/midnight feeding while you’re asleep. Then he goes to bed and you do the rest of the feedings.

It sucks but it won’t last forever.


This is we did it, I went to bed at 8pm and got up at 2:30 once and then 5:30 for the day; he went to bed at midnight after an 11:30pm feed and got up around 6:30. We both worked though and I nursed or fed pumped breast
I’ll exclusively. In my case, I’m a morning person and I can fall back asleep really easily so it wasn’t an issue to wake up once, while he is a night owl and was totally fine with the 11:30pm bottle feed. If you’re miserable than the system you have in place isn’t working and needs to change.


OP here. My 7 week old is up way more than once a night. I wish it was just one night feeding.

Unfortunately I can’t go to sleep that early, and I don’t go to sleep right away.


PP here, both our kids were up every three hours until they turned 1.

Bedtime was 8pm and that gave us the longest stretch until 11:30, then the next wake ups were 2:30, 5:30 then 7:30 they were up for the day. I nursed at 8pm, then slept until 2:30am while DH did the 11:30pm feed. That gave me ~6hrs of sleep in one go. Then I’d wake up at 2:30 and go back to sleep around 3:30 for another 1,5-2 hours. Hope that clarifies.