That is frustrating.

The phrase my therapist gave me to tell myself is “that does not belong to me”. So, your DC’s behavior belongs to him not you. It’s hard because our society likes to blame the parents, especially the mother. You can keeping doing what you are doing and keep trying to solve the problem, but it is your son’s problem not yours- in that sense. Just a little bit of separation helped me quite a bit, plus the therapy and the Calm App (I do the Daily Calm and the Daily Trip every day).

Things that have helped my kids and some of their friends:

Hard exercise first thing in the morning. It takes the edge off for a bit. I know adults that have to go out for a run or swim or row every morning to get through the day. We walked the kids to school instead of the bus. We walked the long way so that it was more than a mile and a half and less than 2- that was our sweet spot-even in snow and rain. In the old days, my sister’s FIL was made to go out and dig holes every morning.

A mini trampoline in a separate area to go for 10-15 minutes during the day to burn off a bit more energy. Our ES had one (probably several ) and it was well used. The camps that are more inclusive should have something like this. Jumping jacks periodically throughout the day works 8f there is no mini trampoline.

Camps that don’t have a lot of downtime work well too. The ones that run them all the time. For a camp experience, cubscout day camp is good because a parent is there to redirect. It is only a week and parents each take a day, if PTO is an issue.

Summer Swim team instead of camp to get social interactions. For those that could be there all day, they would add in the group tennis lessons (probably better when your son is older). The pool does wonders.

Reassessing the type and level of medication. Kids have growth spurts and what works for a while suddenly stops working. For my DC, stimulants made him worse, but the non-stimulants worked well.

Good luck and I hope you find what works for you.

Camps, adaptive theater, parkour, martial arts, soccer, speech therapy camp, Montessori preschool, SN playgroup, etc.

So, the bolded are all understandable because they are a terrible fit (sorry) for a kid whose main challenge is extreme hyperactivity. Montessori preschool includes long stretches of solo "works" that require attention and sitting still.

Even martial arts includes a lot of sitting, listening, watching others, and waiting your turn.

I'd be curious to hear what went wrong with soccer and parkour, however, because my suggestion was going to be something where the social skills were a side-benefit to just being absolutely physically wrung out every day.

Have you tried a less structured camp? At that age DS did better at camps that had fewer rules and mandatory activities. Soccer camps and martial arts camps where you have to participate in whatever activity is on the agenda and line up and listen to directions were hard. DS never got kicked out but I could relate to one PP's experience that some counselors were not DS's biggest fans.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he on medication?

Op here. Yes. And we’ve done evaluations and we have an army of doctors. We have a diagnosis. We know the cause.

If possible, I would greatly appreciate if we could stick to the question I am asking, which is NOT-how do I prevent this from happening or why is this happening. Because I have already done ALL THE THINGS-promise I am not looking for comprehensive feedback on our medical and therapy regime. I assure you I have left no stone unturned. Just asking specifically about experiences with SN kids and activities/summer camps.

It is happening due to the hyperactivity. The only treatment for ADHD/hyperactivity is medication. No need to be touchy about it. We all have kids with issues in this forum. The medication he is on is not working if his hyperactivity is not managed to this degree.

The only other suggestion I have is camps that are sports/running heavy. So soccer, swimming, etc. But even then if his inattention is preventing him from following directions, I'm not sure it would work.

Op here. I put my 4 year old on stimulants. I’m aware he’s hyperactive. I am not looking for explanations. I know my kid.

If you look at my OP, I had a specific question which is:

At what point do you just decide that your kid won’t be in anything and stop trying?

Your question is about you feeling sorry for yourself at the moment and not actually looking for solutions. I get it. I have a kid on the spectrum who also has ADHD and ticks. I get it. It took me a long come to come to terms with some things.

But I am telling you as a mother to a 16 year old that the medication is not working and it could fix a lot of the issues.

Op here. Just go away. You’re not helping. We literally have a child psychiatrist who we see every month. You honestly think you can do better on an anonymous board than what our psychiatrist who is an MD and has actually seen our child for years can? Did you see the part where I said we put our 4 year old on stimulants? Do you think that happens by just waltzing into a pediatrician appointment? It took tenacity and follow up and advocacy and specialists and doctor shopping to get a 4 year old on stimulants, mmmkay?

You don't stop trying. You take some time off, let him mature, and then try again when he's 7-8. It's not appropriate for where he is right now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he on medication?

Op here. Yes. And we’ve done evaluations and we have an army of doctors. We have a diagnosis. We know the cause.

If possible, I would greatly appreciate if we could stick to the question I am asking, which is NOT-how do I prevent this from happening or why is this happening. Because I have already done ALL THE THINGS-promise I am not looking for comprehensive feedback on our medical and therapy regime. I assure you I have left no stone unturned. Just asking specifically about experiences with SN kids and activities/summer camps.

It is happening due to the hyperactivity. The only treatment for ADHD/hyperactivity is medication. No need to be touchy about it. We all have kids with issues in this forum. The medication he is on is not working if his hyperactivity is not managed to this degree.

The only other suggestion I have is camps that are sports/running heavy. So soccer, swimming, etc. But even then if his inattention is preventing him from following directions, I'm not sure it would work.

Op here. I put my 4 year old on stimulants. I’m aware he’s hyperactive. I am not looking for explanations. I know my kid.

If you look at my OP, I had a specific question which is:

At what point do you just decide that your kid won’t be in anything and stop trying?

Your question is about you feeling sorry for yourself at the moment and not actually looking for solutions. I get it. I have a kid on the spectrum who also has ADHD and ticks. I get it. It took me a long come to come to terms with some things.

But I am telling you as a mother to a 16 year old that the medication is not working and it could fix a lot of the issues.

I feel for you OP. At that age, we had to use some pricey special needs camps with terrible commutes. A little later we found that multi activity camps (vs a single sport) worked better to keep DCs attention through the day. Our feeling was that camps receiving federal funding (ie through a university) or sponsored by a religious org were a little more understanding on average, but I'm sure those need to be evaluated individually. We shifted our work schedules with one of us dropping off and the other picking up so we didn't have to use late care. We also switched camps every week so if we'd worn out our welcome by Thursday they usually let us finish the week. Often they didn't ask us to go, but obviously were relieved that we wouldn't be back the next week (they were often nice people but in over their heads). Good luck. For us, things did get better by late ES, but I'm sure that seems a long way away (ours is both ADHD and ASD). Overall I'm glad we kept trying since we feel like the social experience did benefit DC over time, but YMMV.

I would give up on any camp that can kick him out until you think he’s ready. Why not give everyone a break and just try again later?

My son also has extended school year written in to his IEP, so he gets summer school guaranteed. I could be wrong, but I don’t think he can get kicked out of ESY if it’s written in to his IEP.

Take a break from activities this summer. Have the nanny take him to playgrounds and swimming pools where he can find other kids to play with - that's plenty of socialization for now. You need a break and so does he (from being rejected and kicked out of programs). We don't realize it but they internalize all of this at a young age. My son was 4 when he was kicked out of karate and 5 when he was kicked out of gymnastics - he still remembers it.
I feel for you.

Suggest you try DC Parks camps or other camps run by your county. Many of them have a legion of summer volunteers who are mostly college or high school kids who can be a helper to a child with special needs. As long as your child is not eloping or aggressive they should be able to work with him. He may not be able to participate in all activities as these are untrained helpers but they should be able to have staff to keep him safe.

Another idea is a summer swim team. They also have lots of volunteers and may be willing to assign him a helper. You could also offer to be on deck at every practice to manage your child. There are always parents who do this even if their child does not have special needs due to fear of the water and things like that. You wouldn't be unusual.

You can also do ABA at the camps meaning you hire a provider to accompany your child to the camps and they can focus on ABA skills at the camps.

You stop now. Camps and summer programs do not have the resources for this unfortunately.

I would offer a 1:1 aide to the camps. I know kids who have done this successfully. If you have the time you find a camp that would allow you to accompany your child.

OP, I'm really sorry, that sounds really hard.

All I'd add is that almost 6 is still pretty young for any kid to sit still/engage/follow instructions consistently, so don't lose hope.

I would do 1:1 lessons before joining the group classes. He'll learn the expectations and routines with the undivided attention.