Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you two?

Why do you feel like you’re not ready to make a life long commitment? Is it something about her, or something about commitment?

OP here. I’m in love with and see a future with her. I’ve never thought about marrying a woman before I met her. It’s still just scary because my family doesn’t believe in divorce and it’s a lifelong commitment. I don’t feel like there is a rush when it’s a decision that can determine the rest of your life.

If she's probably the one then you could propose soon and then just have an extended engagement. It's fun to have a wedding and honeymoon to plan together without a rush.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you two?

Why do you feel like you’re not ready to make a life long commitment? Is it something about her, or something about commitment?

OP here. I’m in love with and see a future with her. I’ve never thought about marrying a woman before I met her. It’s still just scary because my family doesn’t believe in divorce and it’s a lifelong commitment. I don’t feel like there is a rush when it’s a decision that can determine the rest of your life.

That's baloney. You shouldn't get married because you need to get away from your controlling family. Seek therapy because you are too enmeshed.

OP here. I’m a catholic. They are not controlling. Many people don’t take marriage seriously but I do. Too many people get married with the idea they can just divorce in 10 or 20 years. That’s not what I want for my life or my future kids. They deserve a two parent household with happy parents.

I think 1 year is too little. We dated 4 years in our 20s, got married when we hit 30. I would not marry after just 1 year and I'm a female. We started to co-habit after 1 year, I would not marry without co-habiting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you just want to be DINKs then who cares. Also at your age, she might be best you'll ever be able to do. Let's say she hits 30 and all her friends start hitting their major life milestones and you're still not ready, but she is, and dumps you. You're now back in the dating pool with a different, older crowd of women.

OP here. Most older men always find younger women. They almost always pass up the older women for younger. Not saying it’s right but I think men my age still go for 23-30 year old women.

My point is that they are less likely to go for you as you age.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We talked last month about marriage and she said she is in no rush. If it happens, it happens, but she doesn’t need a timeline of for her life.

She just turned 28. I’m 35.

The two couples I know who got married quickly after meeting instead of the 2-3 year courtship are now headed for divorce. It makes me nervous because it’s a lifelong commitment.

Divorce is better than sticking with someone who isn't right for you or makes you unhappy ( or unwilling to change)

OP here. My family doesn’t believe in divorce. It’s death before divorce. Who you marry is who you die with.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you two?

Why do you feel like you’re not ready to make a life long commitment? Is it something about her, or something about commitment?

OP here. I’m in love with and see a future with her. I’ve never thought about marrying a woman before I met her. It’s still just scary because my family doesn’t believe in divorce and it’s a lifelong commitment. I don’t feel like there is a rush when it’s a decision that can determine the rest of your life.

That's baloney. You shouldn't get married because you need to get away from your controlling family. Seek therapy because you are too enmeshed.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We talked last month about marriage and she said she is in no rush. If it happens, it happens, but she doesn’t need a timeline of for her life.

She just turned 28. I’m 35.

The two couples I know who got married quickly after meeting instead of the 2-3 year courtship are now headed for divorce. It makes me nervous because it’s a lifelong commitment.

Divorce is better than sticking with someone who isn't right for you or makes you unhappy ( or unwilling to change)

Anonymous wrote:My 1 year anniversary with my girlfriend is coming up shortly, and I’m being hounded by family and friends to propose to her. My parents have told me to not let her get away, as well as many of my closest friends. My girlfriend and I have had a great relationship but I’m just not ready. I love her but I feel 1 year is too short to make a lifelong commitment, and I don’t see the rush.

You need to have a conversation with your girlfriend. How old are you? How old is she? If you don't want to marry her and she does want to get married please don't string her along. Be honest. Have the conversation and if she wants to marry and you don't see a ring in the near future than do the honorable thing and let her find another person.

Don't be selfish.

Anonymous wrote:If you just want to be DINKs then who cares. Also at your age, she might be best you'll ever be able to do. Let's say she hits 30 and all her friends start hitting their major life milestones and you're still not ready, but she is, and dumps you. You're now back in the dating pool with a different, older crowd of women.

OP here. Most older men always find younger women. They almost always pass up the older women for younger. Not saying it’s right but I think men my age still go for 23-30 year old women.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 1 year anniversary with my girlfriend is coming up shortly, and I’m being hounded by family and friends to propose to her. My parents have told me to not let her get away, as well as many of my closest friends. My girlfriend and I have had a great relationship but I’m just not ready. I love her but I feel 1 year is too short to make a lifelong commitment, and I don’t see the rush.

It depends. If you are 20, your hesitation makes sense, if you are 30+, she'll move on. Your hesitation tell me either she isn't the one for you or you like to browse not shop hoping someone better would come up. In the end you'll find your soul mate or just compromise and settle out of fear with whoever is around and willing.

OP here. I’ve never felt this way about anyone else. I definitely see myself building a future with her.

I believe who you marry is the most important decision you will ever make. It’s scary to think about making that decision with a woman I’ve only known for a year. It can work out but two couples I know who met and married in less than 2 years are both going through a divorce. One even has a 15 month old baby.

My family doesn’t believe in divorce. Marriage is a lifelong commitment so you better get it right.

By second anniversary, there should be a ring in most cases.

If you just want to be DINKs then who cares. Also at your age, she might be best you'll ever be able to do. Let's say she hits 30 and all her friends start hitting their major life milestones and you're still not ready, but she is, and dumps you. You're now back in the dating pool with a different, older crowd of women.

Anonymous wrote:The 1 year mark is a totally arbitrary way to decide when to make this type of commitment. It just matters that you are on the same page and it sounds like you are. Everyone else can cool it.

True that. First anniversary of dating doesn't mean proposal, first anniversary of engagement doesn't mean wedding, first anniversary of wedding doesn't mean a baby and a mortgage and baby's first birthday doesn't mean a head-start on project sibling.

Yes if someone is over 30 or close.
I met DH at 29. Moved in before 30 (9 months) and engaged 2 months later. We knew it was going to be marriage 6 months into it. 10+ years married now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on how old you and she are and whether you want children. Women don't universally expect it, but what matters is what this particular woman wants.

If she wants kids, the honorable thing to do is to make a decision so that she doesn't waste her fertile years on someone who doesn't like her enough to marry her.

OP here. We both want kids but she just finished her degree last year
( advanced) and started a new job. She has said she won’t be having kids until 30 because she wants to cement her new career first.

I'd give it another 12 months. Don't propose on Christmas, NYE, a birthday or Valentines day.

If you still aren't ready in a year, you need to address your internal issues.