Anonymous
Post 06/04/2024 16:54     Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Anonymous wrote:This thread is very dismissive and abusive towards SN families. I would give a kidney and an eye for my child not to have a diagnosis and to be an NT with average everything.

Just because wealthier families are able to put their kids in privates doesn't mean these are made up diagnoses purchased for money.

Well resourced families probably have more access to diagnostics (e.g. don't have to wait 2 years on a wait list for a place that takes insurance) and specialists. They may have same average incidence of ADHD but remediate it better and have a smaller proportion of untreated/undiagnosed cases than the general population.


NP. My kids have diagnoses, legitimate ADHD and ASD and high IQ. And I have been surprised at the number of classmates, in public school, and friends and kids of friends who also have diagnoses. Not 50% but more than 25%. Actually, 75% of friends and friends' kids, but that is a self selecting group.

Is it dismissive to say that a very high number of students have diagnoses? Or an observation? I'm not sure exactly what it means. Is modern school that terrible (to some extent, I think lower elementary actively discourages executive functioning and self-control but it gets better)? Are we over diagnosing or pathologizing normal? Or is the future bleak?
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2024 16:30     Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Anonymous wrote:Of course private school kids have so many diagnoses. Rich people buy diagnoses so their kids can get accommodations.


This is what I saw at the Bethesda K-8 I worked at
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2024 16:25     Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Anonymous wrote:Data from a meeting with had with the head of school.

I say this for 2 reasons:
1. mainstreams privates do have neurodiverse kids.
2. It is CRAZY how many kids get dx now. Kids on so many meds. I know it's necessary for the most part (certainly for mine). But is it really a neurodiversity if half the population has it? Idk exactly what my thought is but would love to hear others thoughts...


ADHD is accepted in my mainstream privates vs ASD virtually in none. So when you say your #1 point it's misleading. There is a lot of ADHD in privates.

#2 - look up self selection bias. People put their kids in school environments where they can succeed. You progressive private likely has small class size, more individual attention than in publics and general tolerance towards all types of quirkiness.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2024 16:22     Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Anonymous wrote:Data from a meeting with had with the head of school.

I say this for 2 reasons:
1. mainstreams privates do have neurodiverse kids.
2. It is CRAZY how many kids get dx now. Kids on so many meds. I know it's necessary for the most part (certainly for mine). But is it really a neurodiversity if half the population has it? Idk exactly what my thought is but would love to hear others thoughts...


Old eggs with woman having kids later

Screens and less physical and mental play

Poor nutrition and lack of exercise

Coddling parents that don’t let kids get bored, make mistakes, work hard, or persevere.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2024 16:22     Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have ADHD and my kid does too and I often have the thought that maybe none of this is actually "neurodiversity" but just that society is set up for a certain type of brain and everyone else either struggles or needs outside assistance to cope. Like I know ADHD is real, I have experienced it, but sometimes I question whether it's actually a divergence from "typical" neurology or if actually it's fairly typical but just not optimal for a society structured the ways ours is.

I also think it's highly likely that my dad and my DH have undiagnosed ADHD but I think especially with my dad it looks different because he had a SAHM who ran his life for most of his working years so he looked brilliant and high functioning but if he'd had to pay his bills and dress himself and feed himself and take care of his kids and god forbid learn how to use email and text and remember 700 passwords he would have absolutely lost it

Just a thought


I think you’re right about all of this. Definitely applies to low support needs autism too. I’m a lawyer, and A LOT of my law school class would get an autism diagnosis if we took an assessment, I’m certain. But black and white thinking works out ok as a lawyer, and you can get away with having subpar social skills when everyone blames it on you being super smart (I went to Yale Law). It all depends on context.


You're not a lawyer. If you were, you would know that it requires a lot of nuanced thinking, interpretations of gray areas, perspective taking and in many areas also emotional intelligence and social skills. Black and white in your interpretation works well for internet trolls perhaps.


DP. The splinter autism skills of really strong memory and ability to categorize can be an asset in certain areas of the law - but yeah, it’s not going to get you to partnership.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2024 16:20     Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Anonymous wrote:This thread is very dismissive and abusive towards SN families. I would give a kidney and an eye for my child not to have a diagnosis and to be an NT with average everything.

Just because wealthier families are able to put their kids in privates doesn't mean these are made up diagnoses purchased for money.

Well resourced families probably have more access to diagnostics (e.g. don't have to wait 2 years on a wait list for a place that takes insurance) and specialists. They may have same average incidence of ADHD but remediate it better and have a smaller proportion of untreated/undiagnosed cases than the general population.


Oh come on. Actual ADHD and autism cannot be “remediated” away like that. Maybe there are a handful of kids accepted who are neurodiverse in preschool before it is apparent and don’t get counseled out. But no, the fact that Larlo tested with “low processing speed” doesn’t mean he is actually disabled.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2024 16:18     Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have ADHD and my kid does too and I often have the thought that maybe none of this is actually "neurodiversity" but just that society is set up for a certain type of brain and everyone else either struggles or needs outside assistance to cope. Like I know ADHD is real, I have experienced it, but sometimes I question whether it's actually a divergence from "typical" neurology or if actually it's fairly typical but just not optimal for a society structured the ways ours is.

I also think it's highly likely that my dad and my DH have undiagnosed ADHD but I think especially with my dad it looks different because he had a SAHM who ran his life for most of his working years so he looked brilliant and high functioning but if he'd had to pay his bills and dress himself and feed himself and take care of his kids and god forbid learn how to use email and text and remember 700 passwords he would have absolutely lost it

Just a thought


I think you’re right about all of this. Definitely applies to low support needs autism too. I’m a lawyer, and A LOT of my law school class would get an autism diagnosis if we took an assessment, I’m certain. But black and white thinking works out ok as a lawyer, and you can get away with having subpar social skills when everyone blames it on you being super smart (I went to Yale Law). It all depends on context.


You're not a lawyer. If you were, you would know that it requires a lot of nuanced thinking, interpretations of gray areas, perspective taking and in many areas also emotional intelligence and social skills. Black and white in your interpretation works well for internet trolls perhaps.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2024 16:17     Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have ADHD and my kid does too and I often have the thought that maybe none of this is actually "neurodiversity" but just that society is set up for a certain type of brain and everyone else either struggles or needs outside assistance to cope. Like I know ADHD is real, I have experienced it, but sometimes I question whether it's actually a divergence from "typical" neurology or if actually it's fairly typical but just not optimal for a society structured the ways ours is.

I also think it's highly likely that my dad and my DH have undiagnosed ADHD but I think especially with my dad it looks different because he had a SAHM who ran his life for most of his working years so he looked brilliant and high functioning but if he'd had to pay his bills and dress himself and feed himself and take care of his kids and god forbid learn how to use email and text and remember 700 passwords he would have absolutely lost it

Just a thought


I think you’re right about all of this. Definitely applies to low support needs autism too. I’m a lawyer, and A LOT of my law school class would get an autism diagnosis if we took an assessment, I’m certain. But black and white thinking works out ok as a lawyer, and you can get away with having subpar social skills when everyone blames it on you being super smart (I went to Yale Law). It all depends on context.


Oh come on. People who make it to Yale Law, with some very few exceptions, do not actually have developmental disorders that seriously impact their ability to learn or socialize. The ones who do actually have ADHD or autism visibly struggle - drop out; get kicked out; or are the one kid who mysteriously cannot get a job. Being awkward and rude doesn’t mean you are autistic. Possibly they would nevertheless get a diagnosis today - but for those of us who actually have 2e kids whose behaviors and challenges mean they would never be accepted to a mainstream private, it’s extremely grating to hear these kinds of claims. (And yes, we have worked with private school admissions consultants who have told us this, so we know.)
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2024 16:16     Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
This thread is very dismissive and abusive towards SN families. I would give a kidney and an eye for my child not to have a diagnosis and to be an NT with average everything.

Just because wealthier families are able to put their kids in privates doesn't mean these are made up diagnoses purchased for money.

Well resourced families probably have more access to diagnostics (e.g. don't have to wait 2 years on a wait list for a place that takes insurance) and specialists. They may have same average incidence of ADHD but remediate it better and have a smaller proportion of untreated/undiagnosed cases than the general population.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2024 15:46     Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Anonymous wrote:I have ADHD and my kid does too and I often have the thought that maybe none of this is actually "neurodiversity" but just that society is set up for a certain type of brain and everyone else either struggles or needs outside assistance to cope. Like I know ADHD is real, I have experienced it, but sometimes I question whether it's actually a divergence from "typical" neurology or if actually it's fairly typical but just not optimal for a society structured the ways ours is.

I also think it's highly likely that my dad and my DH have undiagnosed ADHD but I think especially with my dad it looks different because he had a SAHM who ran his life for most of his working years so he looked brilliant and high functioning but if he'd had to pay his bills and dress himself and feed himself and take care of his kids and god forbid learn how to use email and text and remember 700 passwords he would have absolutely lost it

Just a thought


I think you’re right about all of this. Definitely applies to low support needs autism too. I’m a lawyer, and A LOT of my law school class would get an autism diagnosis if we took an assessment, I’m certain. But black and white thinking works out ok as a lawyer, and you can get away with having subpar social skills when everyone blames it on you being super smart (I went to Yale Law). It all depends on context.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2024 15:42     Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Data from a meeting with had with the head of school.

I say this for 2 reasons:
1. mainstreams privates do have neurodiverse kids.
2. It is CRAZY how many kids get dx now. Kids on so many meds. I know it's necessary for the most part (certainly for mine). But is it really a neurodiversity if half the population has it? Idk exactly what my thought is but would love to hear others thoughts...


It's not half the population. It's half the population of your school. Which was probably chosen by parents for those particular children as a place that will be suitable for neurodiverse kids.


This is very typical at mainstream privates even the prestigious ones. Niece with ADHD is at a Big 3 and many others we know in the community have some kind of special needs. The school is divided up into three main groups which are the really wealthy kids who are lifers. Most are NT. Some are high achievers and some are not. The more upper middle class families have kids with some kind of social or academic challenge. They are usually really smart so they compensate but have had issues at the big public making friends or need smaller classes to focus better. These families are usually full pay. There's a third group of really high achievers who come in later, usually high school, and they are usually brought in to bring up the college admissions stats. They are usually sure bets for a top 20-30.


no these highly competitive privates are. not actually full of 2e kids. lololol. they are full of kids whose parents paid $$ to get them on essentially performance enhancing drugs and extended time on the SATs.


Yep this. It’s absurd. You can basically pay for the ADHD diagnosis. At this point the kids without a diagnosis are at a disadvantage.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2024 15:37     Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Not true in our experience. We know at least 3 dozen kids who ended up at highly competitive privates later in their schooling - MS or HS - and all but 2-3 of them had something going on early on. A lot of them had social challenges either not having friends, or doing things like hitting other kids while others were struggling to keep up academically. Public school really isn't hard around here unless you have an LD or ADHD, anxiety or other issue. These mostly not kids with made up issues.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2024 14:24     Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Data from a meeting with had with the head of school.

I say this for 2 reasons:
1. mainstreams privates do have neurodiverse kids.
2. It is CRAZY how many kids get dx now. Kids on so many meds. I know it's necessary for the most part (certainly for mine). But is it really a neurodiversity if half the population has it? Idk exactly what my thought is but would love to hear others thoughts...


It's not half the population. It's half the population of your school. Which was probably chosen by parents for those particular children as a place that will be suitable for neurodiverse kids.


This is very typical at mainstream privates even the prestigious ones. Niece with ADHD is at a Big 3 and many others we know in the community have some kind of special needs. The school is divided up into three main groups which are the really wealthy kids who are lifers. Most are NT. Some are high achievers and some are not. The more upper middle class families have kids with some kind of social or academic challenge. They are usually really smart so they compensate but have had issues at the big public making friends or need smaller classes to focus better. These families are usually full pay. There's a third group of really high achievers who come in later, usually high school, and they are usually brought in to bring up the college admissions stats. They are usually sure bets for a top 20-30.


no these highly competitive privates are. not actually full of 2e kids. lololol. they are full of kids whose parents paid $$ to get them on essentially performance enhancing drugs and extended time on the SATs.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2024 14:18     Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Data from a meeting with had with the head of school.

I say this for 2 reasons:
1. mainstreams privates do have neurodiverse kids.
2. It is CRAZY how many kids get dx now. Kids on so many meds. I know it's necessary for the most part (certainly for mine). But is it really a neurodiversity if half the population has it? Idk exactly what my thought is but would love to hear others thoughts...


It's not half the population. It's half the population of your school. Which was probably chosen by parents for those particular children as a place that will be suitable for neurodiverse kids.


This is very typical at mainstream privates even the prestigious ones. Niece with ADHD is at a Big 3 and many others we know in the community have some kind of special needs. The school is divided up into three main groups which are the really wealthy kids who are lifers. Most are NT. Some are high achievers and some are not. The more upper middle class families have kids with some kind of social or academic challenge. They are usually really smart so they compensate but have had issues at the big public making friends or need smaller classes to focus better. These families are usually full pay. There's a third group of really high achievers who come in later, usually high school, and they are usually brought in to bring up the college admissions stats. They are usually sure bets for a top 20-30.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2024 14:12     Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have ADHD and my kid does too and I often have the thought that maybe none of this is actually "neurodiversity" but just that society is set up for a certain type of brain and everyone else either struggles or needs outside assistance to cope. Like I know ADHD is real, I have experienced it, but sometimes I question whether it's actually a divergence from "typical" neurology or if actually it's fairly typical but just not optimal for a society structured the ways ours is.

I also think it's highly likely that my dad and my DH have undiagnosed ADHD but I think especially with my dad it looks different because he had a SAHM who ran his life for most of his working years so he looked brilliant and high functioning but if he'd had to pay his bills and dress himself and feed himself and take care of his kids and god forbid learn how to use email and text and remember 700 passwords he would have absolutely lost it

Just a thought


I think you are really on to something here - especially because has changed pretty dramatically since I was a kid. They require a lot more focus, concentration, and independent work from children that wasn't required when I was a kid. I don't know that I could have handled what my kids deal with in school now.

Sorry that should said "SCHOOL has changed". Was typing too fast.