I referenced my SAHM gap in my cover letters basically saying I'd taken a break for family reasons but was ready to commit to full time work and the job was an excellent fit for my experience in xyz.

If you make it to the interview stage, they are presumably fine with the gap and no need to reference it. Interviewers shouldn't be asking about your family.

I was hired on a team with a lot of parents including the department head who had always worked and had kids the same age as mine. Nobody cares that I took a break. When it comes up in chats with colleagues who ask how I handled maternity leave/dealing with work and babies (generally because they are in the midst of that phase) I just say I stayed home with them for a few years -- where I'd been working wasn't compatible with work-life balance (VERY different from my current company) and so it worked better for us at the time for me to do that. I enjoyed the break but was glad to get back to working full time at a company that is supportive of parents.

I can speak only for myself, but I dare say that the feisty comments from the working moms is reaction to OP's reference to "moms who wish they could be SAHMs."

I believe each family makes that decision based on what's best for the family. It has to do with complex number of factors surrounding resources, time, job flexibility, personalities, on and on.

I do not think that a SAHM is lesser of a person than a working mom or vice versa. For example, I've known smart researchers who took a break from their career because the cost of childcare is so high that it just does not make sense. And it doesn't all have to be about $$. If my child had special needs, I would certainly prioritize that over my job.

OP's comment had inherent bias and judgment, and that is what feedback she will get.

I also work in a male dominated field.
My colleagues and I get along well and work together well.
I've had male and female mentors, and in turn mentor males and females.
No chips on my shoulder.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

This. Here’s my bias as a working mom:

1. You don’t really want to work
2. You didn’t value your career
3. You don’t have a spouse who does his share at home
4. Your spouse is now used to you doing everything and all sick days will fall on you
5. You’ll talk about your kid all the time because it’s been your life and you don’t understand other people don’t care about your kids anymore than someone’s pet or vacation

Exhibit A as to how terribly women treat other women.

Yup. I work in a male dominated field and it’s been a breeze getting time off whenever I need even to *gasp* care for children! They also don’t mind me talking about my kids and even talk about their own kids, if you can imagine it.

My boss even let me go part time when I requested it, even though my “excuse” was simply that I wanted more time with my kids.

So advice for the “biased” working mom: get that chip off your shoulder and stop acting like an AH.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

By your troll logic won’t they assume she’ll then take time off to care for every dying relative?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

This. Here’s my bias as a working mom:

1. You don’t really want to work
2. You didn’t value your career
3. You don’t have a spouse who does his share at home
4. Your spouse is now used to you doing everything and all sick days will fall on you
5. You’ll talk about your kid all the time because it’s been your life and you don’t understand other people don’t care about your kids anymore than someone’s pet or vacation

Exhibit A as to how terribly women treat other women.

Anonymous wrote:“It worked best for my family to have one parent with the kids full time. But now I’m really looking forward to getting back into XYZ.”

No. Stop passing any judgment on you staying home. Don't make it sound good or bad. The interviewer doesn't care what worked best for your family.

"I stayed home until my oldest was in K. Now I'm really looking forward to getting back into XYZ"

My mom was a stay at home mom for 20 years and went back to work full time.

She basically said I like to fully devote to what I do whether being a mom or being at work. Now that kids are older I can devote myself to work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you interviewed, is there a way to explain your absence in a way that doesn't offend the working moms who wish they could be SAHMs?

I never wished or wanted to be a SAHM.
What you said is absolutely obnoxious.

If SAHM is so great, why are you going back to work?

As a working mom who maintained a career during pregnancies and beyond, I think SAHMs:
- Have low functional capacity and left the work force cause they can't handle things
- Never had much potential career wise
- Are dumb to put all their eggs into one basket (ie their spouse to provide for them)

I am going to be just as obnoxious as you.

Good luck on your interviews.

You are way more obnoxious than OP and also come across as having limited mental capacity.

Actually I don't have limited mental capacity.

And I think I made my point quite well as you got my message loud and clear.

Anonymous wrote:When you interviewed, is there a way to explain your absence in a way that doesn't offend the working moms who wish they could be SAHMs?

Why are you assuming they wish they could be SAHMs?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you interviewed, is there a way to explain your absence in a way that doesn't offend the working moms who wish they could be SAHMs?

I never wished or wanted to be a SAHM.
What you said is absolutely obnoxious.

If SAHM is so great, why are you going back to work?

As a working mom who maintained a career during pregnancies and beyond, I think SAHMs:
- Have low functional capacity and left the work force cause they can't handle things
- Never had much potential career wise
- Are dumb to put all their eggs into one basket (ie their spouse to provide for them)

I am going to be just as obnoxious as you.

Good luck on your interviews.

You are way more obnoxious than OP and also come across as having limited mental capacity.

Anonymous wrote:I just returned to the workforce and was never asked to explain across the 3 positions I interviewed for. I was expecting it to come up so prepared a response about being a caregiver who had kept my skills sharp through extensive volunteering and was now ready to go 100% in. But I wasn’t asked at all. Maybe because I addressed it in my cover letter?

My company’s HR department has told us not to ask abut gaps. It can open them up to a discrimination lawsuit. So if you don’t want to discus it you likely will never need to.

I think it's always a good rule of thumb to avoid assuming people are jealous of you.

I just returned to the workforce and was never asked to explain across the 3 positions I interviewed for. I was expecting it to come up so prepared a response about being a caregiver who had kept my skills sharp through extensive volunteering and was now ready to go 100% in. But I wasn’t asked at all. Maybe because I addressed it in my cover letter?

Anonymous wrote:“It worked best for my family to have one parent with the kids full time. But now I’m really looking forward to getting back into XYZ.”

Say exactly this. Worked for me OP. Some people on this thread are awful. They don’t want to admit that you can leave the workforce and return to have a great career but trust me, you can do it!!

Anonymous wrote:When you interviewed, is there a way to explain your absence in a way that doesn't offend the working moms who wish they could be SAHMs?

I never wished or wanted to be a SAHM.
What you said is absolutely obnoxious.

If SAHM is so great, why are you going back to work?

As a working mom who maintained a career during pregnancies and beyond, I think SAHMs:
- Have low functional capacity and left the work force cause they can't handle things
- Never had much potential career wise
- Are dumb to put all their eggs into one basket (ie their spouse to provide for them)

I am going to be just as obnoxious as you.

Good luck on your interviews.