Anonymous wrote:Some of us were at the top of our class and smartest in the room in high school and college, and still wound up pretty average adults.

The people I went to school with who were more average as teenagers generally live nicer lives than I do because they stayed in our small LCOL hometown near their families and bought houses near lakes in their 20s. Meanwhile here I am in DC, going back for a week in the summer....

Anonymous wrote:OP, is he happy?
And don't medicalize being average, which I feel is a curse of this area. Being average is fine. Its probably not ADHD.

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to be mean, but OP in this post you don't seem that likeable or charming to me. So maybe your DS is superior to you in ways you don't appreciate.

Lots of middle school boys are just getting by. It's a great thing that he likes to read. That bodes well for his academic career.

It's striking to me that you seem to hold your DS to a higher standard than you hold yourself. If being special is so important to you, why aren't you more disappointed in yourself? Why is all your disappointment directed at DS, while you pat yourself on the back for not accomplishing much but being "the smartest person in the room?"

I think a little self-reflection is in order here, OP.

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to be mean, but OP in this post you don't seem that likeable or charming to me. So maybe your DS is superior to you in ways you don't appreciate.

Lots of middle school boys are just getting by. It's a great thing that he likes to read. That bodes well for his academic career.

It's striking to me that you seem to hold your DS to a higher standard than you hold yourself. If being special is so important to you, why aren't you more disappointed in yourself? Why is all your disappointment directed at DS, while you pat yourself on the back for not accomplishing much but being "the smartest person in the room?"

I think a little self-reflection is in order here, OP.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly this seems ideal to me? Just an average guy, he will make his way and lead a nice boring happy life.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry. It’s especially tough when you, yourself, are very competitive. It’s almost like you are willing than determination onto your own. I get it. But do try to think of all of his accomplishments without comparing him (I know it’s tough) to others. He might be a lot happier, too, without studying so hard all the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds very sweet, OP, and he will come into his own and shine.

If his GPA is low, and he's "shy" and not focused, have you thought that he may have inattentive ADHD? My son has that (along with other issues) and ADHD meds were a lifesaver in middle and high school while he caught up. Graduated high school with a 4.67 GPA. Now he's in college and doesn't use his meds except for exam days.

Just making a suggestion.

Thank you! It has occurred to me, but it’s more like he either doesn’t want to work harder or maybe he genuinely doesn’t realize that the quality of work he produces is not up to par. Like, he will say - oh I missed assignment X and got an F, but I’ll ace assignment Y and make up the grade. Then, he gets a C on assignment Y and is flabbergasted.

PP you replied to. A little research on the nature of inattentive ADHD would not come amiss. Your son needs a lot of explicit explanations, training and hand-holding. His reactions are textbook inattentive ADHD. The "Oh, I'm so surprised it turned out this way despite my parent and everyone else warning me it would turn out this way" is very frequent in those profiles. The issue is that they are missing key steps in the process. They know what they want, but they can't get there by themselves, because executive function (task initiation, task completion, working memory, time management, organization) are missing. It comes across as laziness or lack of motivation, but it's actually a divergence in the way their brains produce and transmit the neurotransmitters necessary for planning and action, particularly that of non-preferred tasks. Conversely, someone with ADHD might hyperfocus on a preferred task (video games, or reading, or whatever). Hence why their entourage might tend to blame and misunderstand rather then correctly identify and address the underlying issue.

An evaluation might be in order. Generally ADHD kiddos benefit not only from meds, but also from executive function coaching, either informally from parents, from a resource teacher or counselor at school with the services and accommodations of a 504 plan, or from an executive function coach you hire.

Anonymous wrote:The fact that he likes to read for pleasure as an MS boy makes him very not average. He does need to get his grades up to have options for college. But having an inner world and not swayed by external things is not a bad thing. There are great, kind, hard working, smart but not too intense men out there who are good partners and fathers, volunteer in their community or do EMT stuff, teach soccer and are generally good people. Raise one of those.

Anonymous wrote:The fact that he likes to read for pleasure as an MS boy makes him very not average. He does need to get his grades up to have options for college. But having an inner world and not swayed by external things is not a bad thing. There are great, kind, hard working, smart but not too intense men out there who are good partners and fathers, volunteer in their community or do EMT stuff, teach soccer and are generally good people. Raise one of those.