Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with it? Between my work, dh's work, teens who are moody and about to start the college process X 2 I feel like I am a stress sponge, constantly have something aggravating me, that I need to address. My vacation will be visiting my parents and honestly it feels like a chore as well. I love them but it won't be relaxing or something I am doing for myself. Not sure how I keep going like this all of next year.

Hi OP. I certainly empathize. I don’t know how old you are but if you are between the ages of 40 and 50, you might be starting perimenopause or actively entering menopause, The hormone fluctuations are terrible, and cause a lot of anxiety and extreme stress for me. I have been relatively stressed lately with a lot of family responsibilities and taking care of my mom. But I have always managed before now to keep a good perspective up until recently. My period has stopped coming regularly, and my doctor said that I am entering menopause. My moods and stress level have been extreme. There are times when I don’t recognize myself when I am feeling angry for no reason, I did not realize that menopause would cause such extreme mood swings, 10 times worse than PMS , if you happen to think of it, you can request hormone test at your primary care provider or gynecologist to check and see if you are entering menopause. There are treatments available to help with the moodiness and anxiety. I wish you all the best. I know that our modern life is not easy .

Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with it? Between my work, dh's work, teens who are moody and about to start the college process X 2 I feel like I am a stress sponge, constantly have something aggravating me, that I need to address. My vacation will be visiting my parents and honestly it feels like a chore as well. I love them but it won't be relaxing or something I am doing for myself. Not sure how I keep going like this all of next year.

I have been there and you need to take some things off your plate so you don't emotionally explode and/or develop health issues. If it drains you to see your parents, see them less for shorter periods of time and send more cards, happy texts with good news and other things to show you care, that won't drain you.

I started revamping things. Even if a friend is draining, I simply saw the person less and found the comfort zone where I didn't feel like the life was sucked out of me. I;m sure part of it was me not getting enough sleep and being on edge. So, it was best for our friendship that I just step back a little so i too can be at my best. Your parents can enjoy time with you more if you are not stressed out. Find the right amount of time and visits that you won't dread it.

Anonymous wrote:Intense exhaustion here. Work is nuts, my direct reports are about to double with no pay raise or admin support ; two teens/tweens both moody and now both in therapy ( one had had lifelong challenges, the others needs are new); now add my mothers chronic pain that no one can figure out and dementia and it’s too much. This past week I took off Monday morning and Thursday afternoon to try to get her pain help and she just yelled and cried about how horrible her life is. I’m responsible for her care she is in assisted living near me but I’m there sometimes daily. She called me at 6 am this morning (Saturday) crying and calls sometimes 15 times a day am d I have to silence my phone at work.. I can’t take it anymore. I’ve used up so much leave for her and kids. Dh helps but he’s got his own mother to deal with and he frankly has a job where he usually wfh 3-4 hours tops so he’s also able to work out, sleep run errands etc. I’d rather not drag him down too much, one of us needs to function

This was my mom when she was on opioids...exactly. Please check her medications

Cancel your trip visiting your parents. Take care of yourself.

Stay in the US this year. Drop the home country visit. You emigrated. Enjoy life here.

If people in your home country want to see you let them fly here.

Anonymous wrote:You are creating your own problems. Why? 1st gen?

Probably doormat personality. I strongly recommend the 20% b----- strategy. For example, the uncharged phone thing, just say, "No I am not willing to drive 90 minutes in traffic to check if a phone is charged, no thank you."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you clarify the stressors?

It sounds like you aren’t presently a caregiver for elderly relatives, you have a spouse, and the bulk of your stress relates to two moody teens?

What am I missing?

Maybe get blood work to make sure your thyroid is working and nothing else is going on…because nothing you shared sounds out of the ordinary.

Try taking an iron pill and B12. Take vitamin D and get some fresh air and sunlight.

Get sleep, exercise, eat well, and don’t drink wine/alcohol.

My dh’s grandparents just died back to back after an incredibly hard year. My job is incredibly stressful, long hours and ever changing. I get almost no time off ( yes, looking for a new job) so even doctor appointments are tough to make time for.

I actually used to take walks. I don’t have energy for it anymore. I do do a lot of yard work and home repairs. I don’t drink, never have.

The visit to my parents is a major stressor for me too as I am flight phobic and hate going back to my home country, the stress of being there and all the relatives. It is work. I understand some might be grateful but I have done that 20+ times already, and also found out I have to work while there.

As for parenting, it is a very difficult time for me, harder than little kids and I never had help with them.

I realize I am probably a total wimp compared to many women but this is how I feel.

Drop the rope on yard work and home repairs, Jesus! Make your kids mow the lawn!

Stop the visits or cut way back. Make them shorter too.

You are creating your own problems. Why? 1st gen?

Why are u working 8-5?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is how I’ve been getting by: Make sure you’re getting enough sleep, exercise, and time to yourself. If something is not absolutely essential for you to do (like visiting ILs for instance or overseeing college applications), then opt out or get someone else to do it (your DH or pay someone, etc).

I sleep enough, but not well. I am working 8-5 when I don't have overtime, then go straight into dinner mode, chores... Dh's job is a lot more stressful than mine. And we have two teens who drive and are busy but we do focus on them a lot when they are home. Yesterday I was helping them with end of year stuff. I used to exercise a lot when I worked part time. I don't realistically see it happening now given how exhausted I am by all the work and stress. I guess I am just venting, and really dreading this trip abroad I really have zero desire to go on and even resent.

Make your kids do dinner 2x a week each

Be selfish and a b---- 20% of the time. That's what I do! Don't spend your whole vacation on your parents, start with that!

If visiting your parents is so stressful why are you going? I am incredibly stressed as well and understand with a full time job, father in law just passed away after cancer and hospice, teens and a mother in assisted living with dementia.
What is getting me through it is I have started to lie. When relatives call and ask me something about my mother like she wants to go somewhere or she isn’t answering her phone so I should drop everything to make sure her phone is charged, etc. I now say I have a work meeting then I have to take my kids somewhere.
You need to lie and say you have a work meeting or project and can’t go visit your parents. Or your kids have something important. Or your spouse can’t make it and something is up with him. Whatever it takes. I used to try to explain how busy I was but no one really listened. Now I just lie and say nope can’t do it.

Anonymous wrote:Can you clarify the stressors?

It sounds like you aren’t presently a caregiver for elderly relatives, you have a spouse, and the bulk of your stress relates to two moody teens?

What am I missing?

Maybe get blood work to make sure your thyroid is working and nothing else is going on…because nothing you shared sounds out of the ordinary.

Try taking an iron pill and B12. Take vitamin D and get some fresh air and sunlight.

Get sleep, exercise, eat well, and don’t drink wine/alcohol.

My dh’s grandparents just died back to back after an incredibly hard year. My job is incredibly stressful, long hours and ever changing. I get almost no time off ( yes, looking for a new job) so even doctor appointments are tough to make time for.

I actually used to take walks. I don’t have energy for it anymore. I do do a lot of yard work and home repairs. I don’t drink, never have.

The visit to my parents is a major stressor for me too as I am flight phobic and hate going back to my home country, the stress of being there and all the relatives. It is work. I understand some might be grateful but I have done that 20+ times already, and also found out I have to work while there.

As for parenting, it is a very difficult time for me, harder than little kids and I never had help with them.

I realize I am probably a total wimp compared to many women but this is how I feel.

Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with it? Between my work, dh's work, teens who are moody and about to start the college process X 2 I feel like I am a stress sponge, constantly have something aggravating me, that I need to address. My vacation will be visiting my parents and honestly it feels like a chore as well. I love them but it won't be relaxing or something I am doing for myself. Not sure how I keep going like this all of next year.

Calm app works for me.

Can you clarify the stressors?

It sounds like you aren’t presently a caregiver for elderly relatives, you have a spouse, and the bulk of your stress relates to two moody teens?

What am I missing?

Maybe get blood work to make sure your thyroid is working and nothing else is going on…because nothing you shared sounds out of the ordinary.

Try taking an iron pill and B12. Take vitamin D and get some fresh air and sunlight.

Get sleep, exercise, eat well, and don’t drink wine/alcohol.