Agree with this poster. Coach has reasons when say things (good or bad). Take a look at your son's behavior. You only hear one side of the story.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not following the Joking comment, but it sounds like the game has gotten away from your son. If he's on the bench then he has 2 options, find ways to improve and grind or find another sport. I don't recommend a new team unless option 1 is in play. He needs to address his skill/physical gaps. Why pay the current club or a new club if he's content just sitting there?

As with anything these days I'm thinking we're hearing the last half of a story. A story where the first half was OP's DS's team was getting spanked and DS made a joke from the bench to fill in the cognitive dissonance of why he's on the bench or why they're losing. Joke possibly targeted a mistake by a teammate or even a coaching tactic. Coach heard the joke and later said "Go on the field and start joking." -- meaning if you think it's so funny then go show us better.

I'm not even advocating for this style of coaching, I'm not defending it, I'm simply pointing out that's really the only thing that makes any type of sense. In my experience, yes coaches say things for BAD reasons, but Coaches don't say things for NO reason. There was a reason and I'm leaning towards the reason was not DS being a goofball 7 years ago.

Same coach from 1st grade into high school? You should have moved your kid years ago.

Kids need to have different coaches every 2-3 years. Find a new team and don’t look back

I'm not following the Joking comment, but it sounds like the game has gotten away from your son. If he's on the bench then he has 2 options, find ways to improve and grind or find another sport. I don't recommend a new team unless option 1 is in play. He needs to address his skill/physical gaps. Why pay the current club or a new club if he's content just sitting there?

I mean if you're looking for comfort yea sure that's unfortunate. If you're looking for answers without changing teams this sounds like it could be turned around rather easily. It sounds like a perception issue, not a skills issue. Tell your DS to play serious if the coach thinks he's unserious, subtly but deliberately play the part: Step on the ball and scan the field, pass back if there's nothing, go direct if there's something.

If he's on the ball in space drive to the defender, if the defender commits then through ball, if there's no one free switch feet and stance and try to get the defender to shift weight and commit one way, if he commits then cut the other way, if there's nothing there hold the ball up, drag back and pass.

This is all basic stuff but deliberate, serious. He can definitely play a deliberate "serious" game while still being passive/cautious if he's technical like you say. The coach will notice this.

Also tell him to go in and challenge everything. Nothing red but the coach sounds like the type to appreciate an olde fashion yellow out of nowhere.

Id never say play dirty but there's nothing wrong with playing hard, going in on everything with your torso, not hands and feet... that's tacky, not leaning into a charge that's just dumb, but just some old fashion body surfing for 5-10 minutes and taking a yellow to prove a point to the coach. A little grinding here, dry humping there, you know?

Tell him to play like the opponent isn't there basically. If he's going for the ball then go for it, it's irrelevant if someone else is also there. With that mindset the worst he'll get is careless. Once he pays attention to and focuses on the opponent is when it starts to become reckless. Avoid that and he's good.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the coach his dad? I don't understand why you'd allow this to go on for years otherwise.

This coach was the head coach of two same-age teams. At one point, DS was moved down to the developmental team with a wonderful assistant coach. He stayed with the developmental team for a few years. When DS was moved to this coach's team, we thought that DS would be treated differently since he was older and more skillful now. That is not the case. We noticed that DS became unhappy, less confident, and more timid. He did his best to ignore this coach's yelling and comments. DS even told us he was fine whenever we talked about leaving. As I said, this is the last straw. I need to pull him out this time.

None of this explains why you're still with that coach. Are you in a small town with only one club/team option within reasonable driving distance? You can't be in the DC area where there are tons of clubs to choose from.

At any rate, leaving this coach/environment is all you should do at this point.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No idea what the comment was meant to mean. Assume OP mistyped. Op come back and clarify. Posting and then ghosting is poor form.

I didn't mean to ghost the forum. I don't always have time to be online. I realize that I didn't provide enough details about the context. DS is this coach's least favorite on the team because DS used to joke around when he was younger like 10 or 11 during the training. The coach has kept the impression of him since then. Even though DS is respectful now, the coach still thinks DS jokes around. That is why this comment is humiliating to DS. The coach applied the term "joking" that he used for a younger DS to describe a much older and more mature teenager. I hope I make it clear.

OP, thanks for the context. Yes, the coach has serious shortcomings and too much history with your son to get past and be effective at this stage.

It might get better when your son is as senior and the coach figures your son grew up and all is ok now that it’s the end. In the mean time, if you want development find another coach, weather it’s private, small group, rec or travel if you want go to Learn and grow more as a player.

Leave

Seriously, why are you paying money to sit on the bench? ZERO value to your kid long term. ZERO.

Anonymous wrote:Is the coach his dad? I don't understand why you'd allow this to go on for years otherwise.

This coach was the head coach of two same-age teams. At one point, DS was moved down to the developmental team with a wonderful assistant coach. He stayed with the developmental team for a few years. When DS was moved to this coach's team, we thought that DS would be treated differently since he was older and more skillful now. That is not the case. We noticed that DS became unhappy, less confident, and more timid. He did his best to ignore this coach's yelling and comments. DS even told us he was fine whenever we talked about leaving. As I said, this is the last straw. I need to pull him out this time.

Anonymous wrote:No idea what the comment was meant to mean. Assume OP mistyped. Op come back and clarify. Posting and then ghosting is poor form.

I didn't mean to ghost the forum. I don't always have time to be online. I realize that I didn't provide enough details about the context. DS is this coach's least favorite on the team because DS used to joke around when he was younger like 10 or 11 during the training. The coach has kept the impression of him since then. Even though DS is respectful now, the coach still thinks DS jokes around. That is why this comment is humiliating to DS. The coach applied the term "joking" that he used for a younger DS to describe a much older and more mature teenager. I hope I make it clear.

Is the coach his dad? I don't understand why you'd allow this to go on for years otherwise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you mean to write 'choking'?

It is "joking." I am certain because another player told me the same thing.

OP, how is that abusive?

It is abusive because the coach often yelled at him whenever DS played during the game. The coach picked on whatever decisions DS made during the game, whether right or wrong. His comment this time was the last straw for me. No player could perform well in this condition. The scary part is the DS thinks it is fine to be treated this way.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t read much into that comment. That’s pretty mild compared to what my HS aged kid has heard over the years from u9-u16. The bigger issue is he isn’t playing much. How many minutes does he get in a game? What level team is he on? Has he asked the coach how he can improve and then taken those steps? At the end of the day, I think kids need to play where they get minutes. Sometimes that means accepting that you need to move down a level or find a coach who appreciates your style of play. It’s unusual to stay on the same team for an entire youth soccer career in my experience. I understand he may not want to move (my son has sometimes been hesitant) but I don’t see any point in staying if your son is getting only a few minutes a game.

Playtime is another concern I have for DS. This coach undermines his ability and makes it an excuse to reduce his playtime. This doesn't help him develop but damages his self-esteem. The vicious cycle feeds each other and makes DS even more timid. As I read the posts from everyone, the best option is to go to another team.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you mean to write 'choking'?

I'm confused as well... start poaching? Start hustling? Start Jerking? I have no idea what the OP is trying to say. I assume spell check jumped in to fix the word to Joking....

Juking?