Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd does well in school but is constantly asking for guidance with everything like how to write an email and what to say on the phone and things of that nature. She does OK socially but she’s not the most adept. Do you think she would do better at a school where she could be quite successful and gain some confidence or a school where she will be around higher achieving people?

Mason.

Why Mason? DC just got accepted to their computing and engineering school off the WL, and it trying to decide between it and CNU where he already committed. IB student, high IQ, ADHD inattentive. Two very different schools in terms of size, reputation, culture, etc. Mason has an executive functioning program (at additional expense) which is very attractive to us.

Anonymous wrote:High Point University is literally the Life Skills University.

That's what I was going to suggest. It's a perfect school for kids who did ok in high school and need some handholding. It is expensive but at least it's a luxury experience for everything you're paying for it

Anonymous wrote:My 19 year old with inattentive ADHD, mild autism and low processing speed - and a high IQ, which is only apparent in academic situations! - has always had a similar confidence issue.

He needs hand-holding for practical matters dealing with social and life skills, and for years I've showed him how to write emails, how to respond on the phone, how to self-advocate with teachers and professors, how to behave on job interviews, how to dress for various occasions... it sinks in, but only after many repetitions! For example, for his first job interview, he was trained by his (younger!!!) sister with a multitude of practice interviews.

He's at George Washington University, which is close by in case he needs help, and which has a Disability Office with a good reputation (he has residential and extended time accommodations in college).

You might want to have your kid evaluated, OP, to see if she has diagnosis, in which case, she could benefit from medication or at least more information to point you all in the right direction to help her. Otherwise, just do what we do - train and practice, all the time!

This is good advice.

Anonymous wrote:Start teaching your kid life skills now before they go to college.

I made my kids call offices, stores, etc.. to ask the question they wanted me to ask. I made them write emails to xyz asking for whatever they needed to know; I proof read it. They didn't want to do it, but I made them.

Teach your kid to advocate for themself now. You are doing a disservice to them if you don't do this now.

As someone who used to write out scripts before I would talk on the phone, I agree.

My 19 year old with inattentive ADHD, mild autism and low processing speed - and a high IQ, which is only apparent in academic situations! - has always had a similar confidence issue.

He needs hand-holding for practical matters dealing with social and life skills, and for years I've showed him how to write emails, how to respond on the phone, how to self-advocate with teachers and professors, how to behave on job interviews, how to dress for various occasions... it sinks in, but only after many repetitions! For example, for his first job interview, he was trained by his (younger!!!) sister with a multitude of practice interviews.

He's at George Washington University, which is close by in case he needs help, and which has a Disability Office with a good reputation (he has residential and extended time accommodations in college).

You might want to have your kid evaluated, OP, to see if she has diagnosis, in which case, she could benefit from medication or at least more information to point you all in the right direction to help her. Otherwise, just do what we do - train and practice, all the time!

OP, one of my kids was this way at the start of the college process. The good news is that the process itself is an amazing growth opportunity. We told DD that everything about it needed to be “hers” — she had to write the emails, register for the tours, arrange interviews, make any phone calls, etc. At first, we had to read over email drafts, talk through what she was trying to communicate and how, help her organize, etc. Over time, we did a lot less of that. Kids do gain confidence and grow through the process.

She targeted LACs, but she also actively wanted small. I think a more important criteria is how accessible mentoring/support is. Also, she decided not to attend the most selective school she got into — she realized that being around kids at her reach might make her feel intimidated, which could exacerbate these issues. And she decided to take a gap year to work, so she might feel more competent when she lands on campus.

FWIW, she has high IQ/low processing speed, and I think a lot of the helplessness came from a kind of brain freeze/anxiety when her thoughts and ideas were still catching up with her situation. She’d sit down to write an email and not find the words immediately. This created anxiety, which of course only interferes with thoughts/ideas. Learning what was actually going on with her processing was supremely helpful — it removed the anxiety (itself a game changer!) and also gave her a roadmap of things she could do to find the words. I offer this in case it sounds familiar.

Good luck to DC, and to you. They really will grow a LOT.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think Northeastern with the coop program would be a perfect fit - encourages them to develop independence while keeping safeguards in place to ensure they stay on track. A true gem of an institution

Give it a rest already.

+1! it's too much boosterimg! School is all wrong for this personality tupe: too big, too disjointed with all of the weird non-loval starts and mid- year starts = hardly conducive to an easy start. Too difficult to make friends. OP should look at non stressful slacs with supportive disability services offices

^non-local starts

Longwood?

Is she this way with you primarily or everyone? Maybe she is trying to get attention from you. My husband has this annoying learned behavior of helplessness that he got from his parents. I have had to retrain him to try and find everything himself, and look behind things, before calling for me to help him. Or that he doesn’t need to ask me what number to call when calling the vet, that’s what google is for. Geez. Please do her a favor and make her figure it out. Be kind but push her to grow and not bother others when she can do it herself. And make sure she knows asking for help is not a good way of making conversation or connecting with someone (unless she has actually tried multiple times to manage it herself and genuinely needs help. And then she learns and doesn’t need to ask again!)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think Northeastern with the coop program would be a perfect fit - encourages them to develop independence while keeping safeguards in place to ensure they stay on track. A true gem of an institution

Give it a rest already.

+1! it's too much boosterimg! School is all wrong for this personality tupe: too big, too disjointed with all of the weird non-loval starts and mid- year starts = hardly conducive to an easy start. Too difficult to make friends. OP should look at non stressful slacs with supportive disability services offices

Definitely one recommended by strangers!

West Point. Would make a good reality show.

High Point University is literally the Life Skills University.

Anonymous wrote:My dd does well in school but is constantly asking for guidance with everything like how to write an email and what to say on the phone and things of that nature. She does OK socially but she’s not the most adept. Do you think she would do better at a school where she could be quite successful and gain some confidence or a school where she will be around higher achieving people?

Writing an email? Making a phone call? It's not a university's job to teach a student how not to be helpless. It's your job as the parent.

Anonymous wrote:My dd does well in school but is constantly asking for guidance with everything like how to write an email and what to say on the phone and things of that nature. She does OK socially but she’s not the most adept. Do you think she would do better at a school where she could be quite successful and gain some confidence or a school where she will be around higher achieving people?

What year is she? You need to get her ready now. Do not help when she asks, instead tell her to draft the email first. Have her get a job this summer assuming she is old enough. Make her call and make her own appointments. Even something like volunteering in a group and telling her she needs to make a plan to talk to strangers there. Push her out of her comfort zone on these social and adaptive issues or she will crash and burn in college. No college handholds to this level. We know kids and parents at a wide range of colleges: Sewanee , CNU, to W&L to UVA to Duke to ivies. None of these schools handholds to the extent your child currently needs.