I have a friend with a child the same age, and it’s a constant reminder that they’re all so different. One has epic tantrums and one very rarely “loses” it. But those are both double edged swords and I have no idea which one leads to better long term emotional health.

I feel like this is probably normal for the age? Our DD recently turned 4 in April. We have experienced this too.

Honestly I wasn’t sure if I would make it through the last couple months after she was about 3.25 years old. Our sweet and well behaved beautiful girl went Jekyll and Hyde somewhere around 3.5 and it was so BAD for about four months straight. I mean epic level tantrums. She was never a fussy girl and has always been very good for the most part aside from regular kid behavior. Seeing her act out that way was shocking.

I wondered in her case if it was due to an emotional upset. There was one kid at her daycare being mean to her and asking other friends to exclude her on purpose and her tantrums and bad behavior started at this time along with a lot of crying about everything (her feelings are sensitive). We are managing the situation with the teacher and the parents of the kid(s) involved and he has moved into a different room at the daycare. I’m seeing a huge improvement since then.

She is now 4 years 2 months and the huge tantrums and oppositional behavior we saw starting around 3yrs 5 months is starting to fade away but definitely still happens when she’s (1) hungry, (2) tired, or, (3) frustrated about not having her way or feeling like she’s not being listened to.

We are giving her a *lot* more independence now and that seems like it is helping a lot also. Her personality is very similar to mine (miss very independent) and I wonder if our parenting style hadn’t evolved to meet her where she was growing up instead of still relating to her as a younger child. I’m finding ways to say “yes” more instead of always defaulting to “no” and I think that’s having a positive impact.

The other thing I did is paying better attention to blood sugar management with her — protein before simple carbs and keeping her fueled with small snacks— and making sure she gets plenty of water because dehydration can cause all kinds of negative effects in kids behavior.

Honestly it’s an age where kids brains are just growing fast and they’re experiencing different things and they want way more independence than maybe we are ready to give. So there is a lot of pull and push going on emotionally.

Anonymous wrote:Does he go to daycare or preschool and does he have Tantrums like this there?

I would consider talking to your pediatrician, only bc of the length of the tantrums. I know this age is tough one but this stuck out to me.

Whether it’s happening in multiple settings is key.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he go to daycare or preschool and does he have Tantrums like this there?

I would consider talking to your pediatrician, only bc of the length of the tantrums. I know this age is tough one but this stuck out to me.

He goes to preschool and does not behave like this there

He knows he can get away with this with you. I would put him in a safe place, close door and let him scream as long as he chooses but he still won't get his way.

It's common for kids with anxiety to hold in their big feelings at school and let it out in their safe space. A 3.5 year old that screams for an hour is struggling. I would consult a therapist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he go to daycare or preschool and does he have Tantrums like this there?

I would consider talking to your pediatrician, only bc of the length of the tantrums. I know this age is tough one but this stuck out to me.

He goes to preschool and does not behave like this there

He knows he can get away with this with you. I would put him in a safe place, close door and let him scream as long as he chooses but he still won't get his way.

Anonymous wrote:We tried everything but ultimately started therapy and had a lot of success with Dr. Sabintsev. https://www.doctoradelia.com/parent-child-interaction-therapy

+1 she is great. She helped my DD a lot.

We tried everything but ultimately started therapy and had a lot of success with Dr. Sabintsev. https://www.doctoradelia.com/parent-child-interaction-therapy

My daughter went through really awful tantrums around age 4 as she began to become more intellectually aware of her fears and anxieties and she had no tools to cope with the stress she was feeling. She was having a tantrum pretty much every morning for months. What helped:

- high protein snack before bed to balance blood sugar + immediate food upon waking. I kept crackers by my bed for a while and she knew to come eat them first thing!
- mindset. I looked at each tantrum as a necessary part of her developmentally learning to manage her emotions. With that mindset I would ride it out by sitting with her in her room and offering deep breaths and talking it out when she was ready
- Janet Lansbury techniques as well. Read No Bad Kids

She got through this phase and is a lovely almost 6 yo who has particularly good self regulation skills now BECAUSE we had so many opportunities to practice those strategies! Lol

To teach good manners

Or get a Hispanic nanny

Don't give in. Once you do it, they know their screams, kicking gets what he wants

He can go cry in a quiet room and come back when he's calm

Teach him to learn to wait

I have a daughter like this. She’s six now and it’s much much much better, but similarly never had this behavior in school. She’s just a kid with zero chill. It got easier for me when she was able to articulate “I’m trying but I can’t stop screaming” because I was less mad, but it really is hard.

Just chiming in to say I have three kids and find age 3.5-4.5 to be the absolute hardest. It does get better around 4.5 and 5 is a delight. I wish there was boarding school for four year olds.

Does anything you’ve tried make a difference to the length or intensity of the tantrum?