Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. If I move he will pay for private, summer camp, vacations, housing. But I’m on my own for retirement.

My perspective is how do we make joint decision without joint future interest. To me looks like he’s in it until college at the latest. His perspective is even so I’d be better off than I am now.

Wtf does that even mean? Is he saying he’s planning to divorce again in retirement? If not, how does he envision retirement playing out?

Means I’m responsible for my own retirement savings and if I don’t like his plan for housing/location/circumstances am on my own.

Anonymous wrote:OP. If I move he will pay for private, summer camp, vacations, housing. But I’m on my own for retirement.

My perspective is how do we make joint decision without joint future interest. To me looks like he’s in it until college at the latest. His perspective is even so I’d be better off than I am now.

Wtf does that even mean? Is he saying he’s planning to divorce again in retirement? If not, how does he envision retirement playing out?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he wants back he should come to you, not you move there and disrupt the kids lives. I’m quite sure he will say he can’t relocate.

Already suggested and correct. He can’t relocate bc of job that he says “supports the family” but again, finances are actually separate and he pays 10% or less of actual earnings towards child support/expenses.

Then it's a hard no. If he wants you back, he moves to you and finds a job where you live. Absolutely don't move there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he wants back he should come to you, not you move there and disrupt the kids lives. I’m quite sure he will say he can’t relocate.

Already suggested and correct. He can’t relocate bc of job that he says “supports the family” but again, finances are actually separate and he pays 10% or less of actual earnings towards child support/expenses.

I'll be blunt - sounds like he wants a maid and maybe sex partner with no financial strings. Is he proposing re-marrying or just living together?

I just don't see any benefit to you. What do you perceive is the benefit to you?

The bold.

Anonymous wrote:OP. If I move he will pay for private, summer camp, vacations, housing. But I’m on my own for retirement.

My perspective is how do we make joint decision without joint future interest. To me looks like he’s in it until college at the latest. His perspective is even so I’d be better off than I am now.

So he wouldn't pay for the kids to go to summer camps or private school where you are right now? That's predicated entirely on whether you come back as his wife/GF? This guy who only has to spend 10 percent (per your earlier post) of his large income on child support and child expenses combined?? If he can afford extras for the kids he should be willing to pay for those things FOR THE KIDS regardless of whether you come back to his bed or not. I know, he's surely saying "I'd do all this to make it easier on the kids!" but come on, it's a bribe to get you to move.

What happens if the romantic and sexual reunion does not work out, but the kids have already uprooted and are in some private school and lined up for summer camps etc.? Will he just say, sorry, deal's off, head for public school in the new area, forget summer camps, vacation is off, etc.?

Do not put yourself and your kids into his control this way. He is likely pitching this to you as him being so considerate of you and the kids and in his head, he may think that's the truth, but the reality is: If he would not provide that level of spending on the kids no matter where they live, he is only dangling those things to get you to reunite with him. He's trying to buy back his family.

OP, are you divorced or separated? Is he proposing this as a temporary financial arrangement until kids go to college?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he wants back he should come to you, not you move there and disrupt the kids lives. I’m quite sure he will say he can’t relocate.

Already suggested and correct. He can’t relocate bc of job that he says “supports the family” but again, finances are actually separate and he pays 10% or less of actual earnings towards child support/expenses.

So he wants to put all the relo risk on you and your children. If he really loves you and the children he would find a way relocate to your area. Don’t let him sucker punch you into a bad situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he wants back he should come to you, not you move there and disrupt the kids lives. I’m quite sure he will say he can’t relocate.

Already suggested and correct. He can’t relocate bc of job that he says “supports the family” but again, finances are actually separate and he pays 10% or less of actual earnings towards child support/expenses.

I'll be blunt - sounds like he wants a maid and maybe sex partner with no financial strings. Is he proposing re-marrying or just living together?

I just don't see any benefit to you. What do you perceive is the benefit to you?

OP. If I move he will pay for private, summer camp, vacations, housing. But I’m on my own for retirement.

My perspective is how do we make joint decision without joint future interest. To me looks like he’s in it until college at the latest. His perspective is even so I’d be better off than I am now.

Previous poster here. I think this would be a foolish move on your part. Are you just worried about being alone? Don't be.

^All that. No.

Plus, your message says nothing about love. Do you love him? Does he love you? Maybe you have some affection for him since he's the father of your children, but is life better with him, or without? Is moving to a new place, uprooting children, having to find a job, etc. all worth it when you can't even count on support from your partner?

Are you considering this because you think it might be better for the kids? It isn't necessarily.

What reasons do you have for wanting to do this (if you do?)

The question is not what do we think, it is what do you want?

He can F*** right off.

Do not uproot your childrens lives for someone who doesnt seem to GAF about them. Do not quit your job, do not sell your house, do not pass go.

If he wants a fresh start he can make an effort.

Anonymous wrote:OP. There’s no romantic relationship right now but he wants one.

He misses regular sex that's conveniently available from a woman living under the same roof. He's likely confusing that with love and romance. And OP, he may also be craving the familiarity of you. It's easier to just be with someone with whom you have a history than to get out there and date strangers.

Don't do it. Move on. Please do not let your history with him convince you that romance is sparking again. Even if that were true, a move would screw your job, your finances and your kids' schooling.

So he wants to get back together, only if you do all the work, and uproot the kids no less.

That's a giant fat no.