My husband has a quick wit / sense of humor that makes me laugh a lot and is quick with little gestures of affection (a hug, a foot massage). I think our kids like seeing that goofing around and affection between their parents. Being able to diffuse an argument with a little humor helps with our tween too.

My husband also listens carefully and gives good advice. He’s very comfortable with emotions (like it’s okay to be angry or sad) which wasn’t really the case for me growing up. He’s also a fairly equitable partner - driving to sports events and doctor’s appointments, etc.

When we were dating he enjoyed spending time around kids.

On the other hand, I wish I’d realized how often he had a good idea and said he’d do something but just lacked follow through. He finally agreed we could hire a once a month cleaner since neither of us are great about cleaning chores (we both prefer spending that time with our kids). He also tends toward depression, which is hard when he’s struggling with that. It seems more frequent as we age.

My soon to be ex husband is an amazing father but a terrible husband. He doesn't take me to dates, doesn't hold my hands, doesn't tell me that he loves me, never compliments me, non existent sex life. However he is a great father. He loves kids. He is caring and very helpful. He takes the kids to their activities help around the house etc...

When we were dating looking back I noticed that I were the one who had to tell him to hold my hand, initiate sex, and so forth...I thought he would change but he didn't. He was also very attractive (and still is) 6'3 green eyes very good looking but he is just not a caring partner.

+1 to this - emotional connection is really important.
Particularly if you have married someone who ends up cheating and want to try to reconcile.

Anonymous wrote:On the good father type -- there are certainly things to look for in general, but until they're tested by the actual stresses and challenges of child-rearing, you just don't know.

+1 unfortunately this has been my experience. Life when you are young and pre-kids is often pretty low-stress and someone's personality can really change they that transition.

If I look back the biggest red flag I missed was a total lack of communication in his family. On paper they are fine (long married and functional) but they literally don't talk at all about anything. He doesn't know how to have real, personal, complex conversations even though he used to be very extroverted.

Anonymous wrote:What is the relationship like with his mother? Does he have sisters? I think men who have mothers who did not treat them like man-babies, and those who have sisters are more willing to take active roles in their kids' lives because they had good role models.

Does he seems supportive of your career, your goals?

Don't pick bad boys, or macho men.

I knew that was coming lol

Anonymous wrote:Look at his dad. I have so many friends who've been burned by guys who say that their only goal in life is to not be like their deadbeat dad, only to have a kid and realize . . . they have no actual model and they default to deadbeat.

OMG. So true!!!!

Doez he typr on DCUM wheh hw is druhk?

Anonymous wrote:How good is he with sharing his feelings and asking for what he needs and wants?

How good is he at establishing healthy boundaries and sticking to them?

How much emotional self-regulation does he have?

Does mental health

Shoot, I got cut off:

Do mental health issues run in the family? If so, does he manage them in healthy ways?

These are all key to being both a good Dad and partner