Anonymous wrote:this is a troll

Lol seriously. "hot topics on DCUM in one list to rile people up" alert

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a bigger know it all. Why post about it here. You hate her, we get it.

Sometimes a place like DCUM is the best place to gripe about people like this. You can let loose without consequence. Complaining here can make it easier to put up with obnoxious behavior from family members, people at your kid's school, neighbors, and colleagues -- people who don't have much choice but to deal with in some capacity but who drive you nuts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I don't think this is a troll because it is so close to several women I know. Like change a few details (but keep aaaaaaall the judgment and superiority) and I could have written this.

The one I know like this is not actually a SAHM but her job is essentially a hobby -- she makes almost no money and she can take off time whenever she wants and if she ever decides she doesn't like it she can just leave, and because her husband is enormously successful, it won't impact their finances at all.

Which is great, actually -- I wish I had that set up. But she uses it as an excuse to be condescending towards both SAHMs (who she thinks are lazy and setting a bad example for their children) *and* most working moms (who she thinks don't prioritize their families enough and should have pivoted toward the kind of job she has, ignoring the fact that she makes like 20k a year and it might even cost her family money for her to have this job).

She's also incredibly judgmental about all parenting and has no humility about it at all. The irony is that our kids are kind of similar and we have similar types of successes and challenges with them, but we'll never be close because she refuses to acknowledge the challenges for what they are and is unwilling to admit that she doesn't know everything and doesn't have it all figured out. It's exhausting.

I know it's insecurity and I try to have empathy for her, but sometimes I just have to take a break from seeing her because she's so much. I used to think she might mellow as her kid got a bit older but then her DH got this huge promotion and they have even more money than they did before, which she is using to go crazy on private school/tutoring/private coaching and micromanage her child's life with extremely rigid expectations about what this will lead to. So it's the opposite of mellowing. Sigh.

I am OP, and I didn't come here to troll people. I don't understand the point of it. BUT, I do think you are right- my SIL is not an anomaly, and it does seem to me, especially now, that many of the people on here are cut from the same cloth as she is. It's also funny that those accusing me of trolling take personal shots at me, thereby trolling me!

You clearly feel inferior because according to you they are well off. While she sits with her Starbucks friends in real life "judging" people you are on your computer with strangers doing the same. This is sad! Do better

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a bigger know it all. Why post about it here. You hate her, we get it.

I think that's the trolling part. Continuing the mommy wars in a public forum, rather than just thinking, "Geez, she's a real know it all, that I find annoying," and carrying on with your day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I don't think this is a troll because it is so close to several women I know. Like change a few details (but keep aaaaaaall the judgment and superiority) and I could have written this.

The one I know like this is not actually a SAHM but her job is essentially a hobby -- she makes almost no money and she can take off time whenever she wants and if she ever decides she doesn't like it she can just leave, and because her husband is enormously successful, it won't impact their finances at all.

Which is great, actually -- I wish I had that set up. But she uses it as an excuse to be condescending towards both SAHMs (who she thinks are lazy and setting a bad example for their children) *and* most working moms (who she thinks don't prioritize their families enough and should have pivoted toward the kind of job she has, ignoring the fact that she makes like 20k a year and it might even cost her family money for her to have this job).

She's also incredibly judgmental about all parenting and has no humility about it at all. The irony is that our kids are kind of similar and we have similar types of successes and challenges with them, but we'll never be close because she refuses to acknowledge the challenges for what they are and is unwilling to admit that she doesn't know everything and doesn't have it all figured out. It's exhausting.

I know it's insecurity and I try to have empathy for her, but sometimes I just have to take a break from seeing her because she's so much. I used to think she might mellow as her kid got a bit older but then her DH got this huge promotion and they have even more money than they did before, which she is using to go crazy on private school/tutoring/private coaching and micromanage her child's life with extremely rigid expectations about what this will lead to. So it's the opposite of mellowing. Sigh.

I am OP, and I didn't come here to troll people. I don't understand the point of it. BUT, I do think you are right- my SIL is not an anomaly, and it does seem to me, especially now, that many of the people on here are cut from the same cloth as she is. It's also funny that those accusing me of trolling take personal shots at me, thereby trolling me!

Oh, this behavior is rampant on DCUM and in certain pockets of this area, and I think many posters see themselves in these descriptions. Which is why they go straight to "troll" because otherwise they might have to consider that other people can't stand them and just silently tolerate their awful behavior, and that's too scary to contemplate.

You sound like a bigger know it all. Why post about it here. You hate her, we get it.

Anonymous wrote:This is a woman who I'd only say things like "oh I'm so glad that works well for you" or "I'm so glad you've found what works for your family" or "wow" or "huh" or some other random surface level platitude. If she made a dig at a working mother I might say "I'm not sure why you'd say that to me" but probably not.

If you don't engage in the conversation it will stop. You aren't ever going to WIN with her.

I agree with this, but I also understand the urge sometimes to come back at them because sometimes their behavior is so over the top rude and obnoxious that it would be very easy to just hold up a mirror and embarrass them in front of other people.

Like once a woman I know like this said just the absolute rudest possible thing about my child's school, which she knows is my child's school. And she said it in front of our kids. It was unreal, I couldn't believe an adult would be so lacking in social graces or self-awareness. It took all my inner strength to just smile and say "Oh I guess we all have different educational priorities" and then change the subject. It would have felt amazing for one minute to just absolutely destroy her and her ridiculous hyper-competitive attitude in front of her kid. But it also would have lowered me to her level. Plus likely led her to say even ruder things to me in front of my kid. Better to smile and offer a platitude, and then talk to my kid later about how to disregard that kind of garbage "insight" from other people. But it does require self control to be around people like this. They make it as hard as possible.

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I don't think this is a troll because it is so close to several women I know. Like change a few details (but keep aaaaaaall the judgment and superiority) and I could have written this.

The one I know like this is not actually a SAHM but her job is essentially a hobby -- she makes almost no money and she can take off time whenever she wants and if she ever decides she doesn't like it she can just leave, and because her husband is enormously successful, it won't impact their finances at all.

Which is great, actually -- I wish I had that set up. But she uses it as an excuse to be condescending towards both SAHMs (who she thinks are lazy and setting a bad example for their children) *and* most working moms (who she thinks don't prioritize their families enough and should have pivoted toward the kind of job she has, ignoring the fact that she makes like 20k a year and it might even cost her family money for her to have this job).

She's also incredibly judgmental about all parenting and has no humility about it at all. The irony is that our kids are kind of similar and we have similar types of successes and challenges with them, but we'll never be close because she refuses to acknowledge the challenges for what they are and is unwilling to admit that she doesn't know everything and doesn't have it all figured out. It's exhausting.

I know it's insecurity and I try to have empathy for her, but sometimes I just have to take a break from seeing her because she's so much. I used to think she might mellow as her kid got a bit older but then her DH got this huge promotion and they have even more money than they did before, which she is using to go crazy on private school/tutoring/private coaching and micromanage her child's life with extremely rigid expectations about what this will lead to. So it's the opposite of mellowing. Sigh.

I am OP, and I didn't come here to troll people. I don't understand the point of it. BUT, I do think you are right- my SIL is not an anomaly, and it does seem to me, especially now, that many of the people on here are cut from the same cloth as she is. It's also funny that those accusing me of trolling take personal shots at me, thereby trolling me!

Yeah, I don't think this is a troll because it is so close to several women I know. Like change a few details (but keep aaaaaaall the judgment and superiority) and I could have written this.

The one I know like this is not actually a SAHM but her job is essentially a hobby -- she makes almost no money and she can take off time whenever she wants and if she ever decides she doesn't like it she can just leave, and because her husband is enormously successful, it won't impact their finances at all.

Which is great, actually -- I wish I had that set up. But she uses it as an excuse to be condescending towards both SAHMs (who she thinks are lazy and setting a bad example for their children) *and* most working moms (who she thinks don't prioritize their families enough and should have pivoted toward the kind of job she has, ignoring the fact that she makes like 20k a year and it might even cost her family money for her to have this job).

She's also incredibly judgmental about all parenting and has no humility about it at all. The irony is that our kids are kind of similar and we have similar types of successes and challenges with them, but we'll never be close because she refuses to acknowledge the challenges for what they are and is unwilling to admit that she doesn't know everything and doesn't have it all figured out. It's exhausting.

I know it's insecurity and I try to have empathy for her, but sometimes I just have to take a break from seeing her because she's so much. I used to think she might mellow as her kid got a bit older but then her DH got this huge promotion and they have even more money than they did before, which she is using to go crazy on private school/tutoring/private coaching and micromanage her child's life with extremely rigid expectations about what this will lead to. So it's the opposite of mellowing. Sigh.

"My brother is very well to do"
Lol

You just described most of DCUM, OP.
There are so many people like her where I live.

This is a woman who I'd only say things like "oh I'm so glad that works well for you" or "I'm so glad you've found what works for your family" or "wow" or "huh" or some other random surface level platitude. If she made a dig at a working mother I might say "I'm not sure why you'd say that to me" but probably not.

If you don't engage in the conversation it will stop. You aren't ever going to WIN with her.

1. she's right. Parents who work 9-5 or longer hours are only seeing their kids for 1hr in the am and 2-2.5hrs at night depending on bedtime monday-friday. Most of that is transition/routine. Eat, bath, bed - you do miss out on leisurely playing and no you can't get that time back. Especially between 0-4. A maid is not childcare. Outsourcing cleaning has nothing to do with this your point

2. Well raised kids in safe environments typically don't fall into the troubled teens pitfalls. But this also takes parents who are around and aware. You need to know who your kids friends are and what their influences are. You also need to have time and money to jump into action at the first sign

3. Public school can be too woke. 2nd graders don't really need to know they can be a girl, boy, plant, dog. There is a time and place for these discussions. Also public curriculum can be problematic depending on district. Maybe she choose the school based off what they can afford and what's the best learning environment for her kids. Who cares if it's ritzy besides you.

4. If you can't afford it don't buy it. Sounds like she doesn't need to play the points game. Great for her. hope you're at least paying your cc bills in full every month. As should everyone

5. Many parents want their kids to go to certain school. And maybe her kids want to attend. Who cares what her goals are. Are you cool with your kids not going to college or taking 6 years to finish community college? Be honest. But don't judge someone for wanting more. Personally I think college degrees minus specific programs are a waste right now. But this lady can afford to buy credentials for her kids why shouldn't she

6. Some volunteers don't know what they are doing. Is this a competitive team? Recreational? Maybe she played soccer and has some authority on the matter.

7. Maybe they like new cars and can easily afford it. Why are you keeping track of how often she switches or what she's driving?

8. Organic dairy and meat are beneficial. Dirty dozen for fruit and veg. Why do you care what someone else feeds their kids.

You're the only one who sounds like a judgemental b-you also sound super insecure and intimidated by this woman. Are you sad that she doesn't want anything to do with you? She never wanted to be sisters or besties! Because honestly with your attitude and beliefs this lady is better off not being associated with you

How old are her kids?
If they’re little I can totally see having a part time sitter and or house cleaner if I could afford it.
I do work but remember the long days of monotony parenting with just a baby and toddler for company. If u was rich I would have totally had someone a couple mornings a week just to have a mental health break.

She sounds like a lot of obnoxious moms I know, TBH. Both SAHMs and WOHMs. IMHO it actually comes from a place of insecurity about one’s parenting choices.

I’d just nod and smile “oh, there’s an idea…or hmm interesting” change subject (if possible) when you have to talk to her & she says crap like this, and focus on playing with the kids or other tasks. I have a similar SIL and it is hard.