I wish I had a best friend, but I haven’t since high school. However I do feel like my husband is my best friend - but I know we are not supposed to say that.

I'm 49 and have two best friends I've known for 20+ years. We talk about all kinds of things--not "gossip" exactly but stuff we're doing, insights we're having, health stuff, sometimes stuff about kids/spouses. I talk to one several times a week, the other 2-3 times a month but she and I also do trips together.

It's great to have friendships and people you trust. I can't imagine what the last 20 years would have been like without these wonderful women in my life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is a best friend anyway?
- I don’t share personal, private marital things with anyone outside of my spouse
- I don’t share gossip about other people, barring the occasional share with my spouse
- I have many neighbors to call for an emergency ride / cup of sugar, out of location convenience not because they are my best friends
- I spend the most of my time with my work colleagues and children, out of obligation not choice

I guess a best friend is someone you would choose to spend time with? But time isn’t our own, after all.

So where do you go when you need advice about how to deal with your spouse?

NP. Is this a thing people do? My best friend has known my spouse as long as I have, and used to live with us, but I still know him better than my friend does.

Not to go all old school on you, but real life isn’t Ozzie Nelson palling around with Lyle Talbot & Don DeFore in their cardigan sweaters.

I have not had a non-family best friend since my 20s and don't think I ever will again. As time went by I've realized how temporary those relationships are, and it hurts when it ends even with fizzling and isn't worth it to me.

My mother who was a child of the 40s did. They went on vacation together and left each other in their wills. I don’t and I think making and maintaining friends is harder then ever now.

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate this topic as I too, do not have a confidant. I have a number of casual friendships, some a bit closer. But someone I absolutely trust with any and all information is very different. And the idea of who my first call would be is something I had not thought of. I’m suddenly and sadly in a place of wondering who I could count on in such a terrible situation.

My first call would be to 911.

Anonymous wrote:What is a best friend anyway?
- I don’t share personal, private marital things with anyone outside of my spouse
- I don’t share gossip about other people, barring the occasional share with my spouse
- I have many neighbors to call for an emergency ride / cup of sugar, out of location convenience not because they are my best friends
- I spend the most of my time with my work colleagues and children, out of obligation not choice

I guess a best friend is someone you would choose to spend time with? But time isn’t our own, after all.

So where do you go when you need advice about how to deal with your spouse?

Anonymous wrote:I have friends for different reasons and things and needs and interests and contexts. But no bestie. Is this unusual? Sometimes it makes me sad.

I am my own best friend.

I appreciate this topic as I too, do not have a confidant. I have a number of casual friendships, some a bit closer. But someone I absolutely trust with any and all information is very different. And the idea of who my first call would be is something I had not thought of. I’m suddenly and sadly in a place of wondering who I could count on in such a terrible situation.

What is a best friend anyway?
- I don’t share personal, private marital things with anyone outside of my spouse
- I don’t share gossip about other people, barring the occasional share with my spouse
- I have many neighbors to call for an emergency ride / cup of sugar, out of location convenience not because they are my best friends
- I spend the most of my time with my work colleagues and children, out of obligation not choice

I guess a best friend is someone you would choose to spend time with? But time isn’t our own, after all.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have a best friend nor frankly any really good friends. Sometimes I wonder if there’s something wrong with me because I don’t feel the need to make any and don’t make any effort to get closer to the friends I have. But with a full time job, 2 kids, a husband and a mom who is local and who I am very close to….i have plenty of close relationships. Interested in what others have to say. I’m 48.

I'm 45. I've never been close to my mom although I am now her caregiver. My dad, to whom I was very closed, died a few years ago. I am an only child.

I have a wonderful marriage but I also have a best best friend and multiple other woman who are very close friends who I make an effort to spend time with (most of them don't live near me). Maybe I was drawn to cultivate such relationships because I didn't have that big loving family other than my dad? No idea, but my best friend is super close to both of her parents and her brothers and their wives, so she is the opposite of me!

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been friends with my best friend for almost 40 years. It never occurred to me, does it sound weird to hear someone I their 50s say it? I guess we’re just used to it after all these years.

Same. I guess I just assumed everyone had a best friend, although my husband's is a more recent friend than mine is, but we each have someone who would be that "first call" if something happened to our spouse.

not odd if you are a man

I have a best friend but I also have many other supportive friends. I don’t know that I refer to my bestie as such. I don’t really know if other people have them or not. If you’re happy with your life, why worry?