Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 15 year old son is going to NYC for a week with my 79 year old father. My dad invited me to come as well, since I am going through a hard personal time, and also because he is concerned he cannot keep up with DS. When I told DS, he said, "I don't want to go any more if you are going, this was supposed to be a trip for me and grandpa." I could see blurting that out for a younger kid, but he seems too old to do that and my feelings are really hurt.

On one hand, I can understand wanting a trip with just Grandpa.

On the other, I could 100% see myself saying “alright, you stay home with [insert boring/strict and trusted adult] and me and Grandpa will go and have fun!”

I guess it would just depend on how the kid has been in general. And undeserving spoiled butthole? The latter.

A generally good kid dealing with normal teen feelings? I’d let it go. While if you still want to, making it clear you’d be doing your own thing.

That seems mean to me.

Anonymous wrote:My 15 year old son is going to NYC for a week with my 79 year old father. My dad invited me to come as well, since I am going through a hard personal time, and also because he is concerned he cannot keep up with DS. When I told DS, he said, "I don't want to go any more if you are going, this was supposed to be a trip for me and grandpa." I could see blurting that out for a younger kid, but he seems too old to do that and my feelings are really hurt.

I don't get the hurt feelings at all. Your son was expecting one trip and if you come it will be a different one. Wouldn't you feel the same if you thought you were going with a good friend and their sister joined? It is just a different experience! So, you are allowed your feelings but, I would be happy that your son felt comfortable to express his feelings to you. Would you rather he lied and said he would love if you came and than acted unhappy on the trip?

Tell your dad that your 15 year old will be fine together. Why not do things on your own? Have you own fun week?

Anonymous wrote:My kids prefer to go alone with their grandma because when I am there, grandma talks mostly to me, treats grandchild like a tag-along toddler. I don't think you should take it personally.

Also, just tell child that going with grandpa means you will have to take some things slower or skip some things. I expect that your child is looking forward more to talking with grandpa than seeing museums (which he can do next time he goes.)

My kids prefer to go alone with their grandma because when I am there, grandma talks mostly to me, treats grandchild like a tag-along toddler. I don't think you should take it personally.

What would people think of the idea of me going separately, staying in a different hotel, and meeting up with DS to do the activities that Grandpa cannot do? There are some shows and museums that I would like to see on my own, and I have a friend from graduate school and my former SIL who I would like to see.

It's hard to explain. DS is not a rude kid, really, and we don't fight. It is just a mostly polite relationship that is sort of distant. He has ADHD and I spend a lot of time reminding him of things and helping him. There is not a lot of conflict but also not a lot of fun.

No

Yes my feelings would be hurt. I wouldn’t let them know that though. I think it’s nice he wants to go with Grandpa.

I get why the kids wants a trip with just grandpa, I think you should respect that.

What I would say:

“Ok but you won’t be able to do the 3 activities that are so rigorous that gpa won’t be able to keep up. If I come along I can accompany you on them and do my own thing sometimes so you and gpa have alone time. What do you think?”

And then he knows gpa can’t do all the things he wants to and to stick to museums and such. Or he has you come along and you do your own thing sometimes (this is something I would love! A few days in nyc to browse bookshops and stroll in Central Park, etc).

Anonymous wrote:My 15 year old son is going to NYC for a week with my 79 year old father. My dad invited me to come as well, since I am going through a hard personal time, and also because he is concerned he cannot keep up with DS. When I told DS, he said, "I don't want to go any more if you are going, this was supposed to be a trip for me and grandpa." I could see blurting that out for a younger kid, but he seems too old to do that and my feelings are really hurt.

On one hand, I can understand wanting a trip with just Grandpa.

On the other, I could 100% see myself saying “alright, you stay home with [insert boring/strict and trusted adult] and me and Grandpa will go and have fun!”

I guess it would just depend on how the kid has been in general. And undeserving spoiled butthole? The latter.

A generally good kid dealing with normal teen feelings? I’d let it go. While if you still want to, making it clear you’d be doing your own thing.

Anonymous wrote:I would be thrilled that my son wanted an outing with just him and his grandfather.

So would I. Explain to him that Grandpa won't be able to keep up with some things.

This trip was his thing and you going changes that. I completely see his point of view.

Anonymous wrote:

I’m sure you son likes to spend time with you sometimes,

No, unfortunately, I don't get the sense that he does, which is likely why I feel upset by this. I'm not sure why. I'm not particularly strict.

I’m truly sorry. I have a troubled relationship with my daughter, so I know how much that hurts. However, you need to keep the pain of your relationship (or lack thereof) separate from his relationship with his grandfather. It’s good that he has a strong family relationship with someone.

Hopefully, as he matures and establishes his independence, he’ll eventually be willing to open back up to you. Trying to insert yourself into this trip, however, is liable to cause more resentment and distance.

I hope your relationship with him heals, sooner rather than later.

No, I wouldn't be upset. I'd not go. Clearly, he wants to spend quality time alone with his grandpa.

Your hurt feelings are valid but you need to work through that on your own. Not project it on your son.

You can go on the trip as backup for your father if needed, but reassure your son you’ll stay out of him and grandpa’s way to give them as much bonding time as possible.

I’m sure you son likes to spend time with you sometimes,

No, unfortunately, I don't get the sense that he does, which is likely why I feel upset by this. I'm not sure why. I'm not particularly strict.