Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Use wipes to disinfect countertops and cabinet/door handles frequently during her visits and don’t let her prepare any food for you.

And be VERY obvious about doing it right after she uses the restroom. Get the door handles and then basically follow her around for a bit. If she asks what you are doing, that is you opening to say “I’ve noticed you don’t wash your hands after you use the restroom, so I have to do this to help keep us healthy and to keep my house clean.”

LOL
Do any of you eat out?

Anonymous wrote:Use wipes to disinfect countertops and cabinet/door handles frequently during her visits and don’t let her prepare any food for you.

And be VERY obvious about doing it right after she uses the restroom. Get the door handles and then basically follow her around for a bit. If she asks what you are doing, that is you opening to say “I’ve noticed you don’t wash your hands after you use the restroom, so I have to do this to help keep us healthy and to keep my house clean.”

Anonymous wrote:My DH does not use soap except in the shower. When we travel internationally, sometimes to developing countries, we will get to the hotel after 20 hours of traveling, he will go to use the bathroom before me and when I go in, all the soaps are still in their little packets. It is so gross and has been the biggest turn off for me. But I am not a germophobe so I am not worried about that, it’s just yucky.

And yet you married him.

My DH does not use soap except in the shower. When we travel internationally, sometimes to developing countries, we will get to the hotel after 20 hours of traveling, he will go to use the bathroom before me and when I go in, all the soaps are still in their little packets. It is so gross and has been the biggest turn off for me. But I am not a germophobe so I am not worried about that, it’s just yucky.

MYOB.

Anonymous wrote:My MIL hardly ever showers. In the 25+ years I’ve known her I’ve never ever seen her get in or out of the shower once.

She stayed with us for a week when my kids were young and she didn’t shower once. The entire 7 days. She said she “didn’t have time” b/c she was busy watching the kids. We were home in the mornings and evenings. She had plenty of time. She’s just gross.

Ugh, mine too. And she smokes. It gets really bad. At least after a few days my DH will tell her she has to shower or she can't ride in the car with us anywhere or he'll have an asthma attack. She has literally nothing to do when she's visiting and sits around reading novels. Take a shower!

Make it make sense.

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL should wash her hands but so many people on DCUM are hysterical about “germs,” I can’t believe people live this way.

Actually what I can’t believe is that people live with this level of anxiety about contamination and illness but then are comforted by rituals that don’t have a lot of evidence or efficacy. If you’re going to be hysterical, why not at least go take a microbiology class or something? Food safety certification?

So this is how things like E.coli, Shigella, and Noro spread. The fecal-oral route. It could be prevented if people would wash their hands after using the bathroom. We all know how MILs like to “help” I’m the kitchen.

My MIL got sick once because she used a dirty towel in my laundry room - it was in a basket under a laundry chute in a mud room - to dry her hands because she didn’t want to dirty up a towel in the powder room. One of my kids had a cold and sure enough she came down with it. Just gross.

Anonymous wrote:Is this MIL from the Boone docks or something? My mother and MIL both are fastidious about clean hands. My experience is that people that age tend to be super clean, so I’m surprised your MIL is so out of the norm for her age group. Is she less educated in general?

My parents are the same. Nobody in our family has ever suffered from food poisoning, so it’s more psychologically bothering than an actual hazard.

I am nearly compulsive about handwashing but then I work in healthcare and have taken microbiology.

I also know that studies have shown the large majority of men and a majority of women also don’t wash hands after using toilet. So clearly this might be ewwwwww, but it’s not a species threatening behavior. In fact it’s a mere blink of the eye in the human timeline that we have had soap and a half blink since we formulated the germ theory of disease.

OP, I sympathize. Spring clean once she’s gone, with careful attention to disinfecting doorknobs and light switches. You’ll be okay either way but the spring cleaning will cheer you up.

PS I bet your husband doesn’t wash after toilet when you’re not around. 😉

Just ask her to wash her hands. Say something along the lines of, "MIL, do you not like the soap in the bathroom? I see it has not been used and I am happy to buy a soap or scent you like when you visit. We all wash our hands so we dont spread germs." or about how you are teaching your kids to wash their hands.

My in-laws dont always wash their hands. My husband was deployed for a few months so they came to visit and "help." They didn't wash their hands before feeding my baby (who was eating solids) and right when they left the baby got really sick (103 fever, diarrhea, barfing, the works). Doctor said most likely norovirus or something... Needless to say I made my husband tell them to wash their hands, I buy really nice hand soap when they visit so they will use it. When my MIL comments on how lovely it is I send her some right before we visit her so she will have it at her house and they aren't allowed to visit if my husband is away anymore.

I am by no means a hand sanitizer, anti bacterial soap type of person. We all need to build up our immune systems. But you need to wash your hands after bathroom, before and during cooking, and before serving food. End rant.

Is this MIL from the Boone docks or something? My mother and MIL both are fastidious about clean hands. My experience is that people that age tend to be super clean, so I’m surprised your MIL is so out of the norm for her age group. Is she less educated in general?

My in-laws leave the bathroom a nasty mess. I posted about it once years ago, I was so disgusted. Now I try to arrange for trips in a neutral location to see them, where we each have our own bathroom. That’s the only fix for terrible hygiene. My DH is also super conflict-averse and won’t ask them to clean up.

Does there happen to be a scent she wears/loves? I would try to buy that in soap form.

I'd try to low key (no idea how- maybe engage a friend to fake-bring it up in convo in front of her) bring up the topic of whether one prefers bar soap, liquid soap or foaming soap or sanitizer and go from there. Bonus points if your friend is willing to also fake-complain about a gross guest of her own who doesn't wash so she gets the hint when you both exchange specific facts re: hygiene and germs. (granted I usually Larry David myself with situations like this and it would play out with MIL asking your friend about her gross MIL in front of her MIL, so that the reason for the set-up story would come out that it's actually you that has the gross MIL....)

But I feel badly DH won't bring it up- it's his mother- much better for him to bring up than you. Is this a change for her or has she been like this all her life?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has been visiting for a 4 days and the guest bathroom is just off the kitchen hall and she doesn't use the fan for privacy, so that is how I know.

It is yucky.

I just wanted to get that off my chest. Especially because DH says I can't expect him to say anything.

Put a sign in guest bath requesting guests to use fan and soap. Put nice smelling soap and lotion in there.

+1

I think we all share the same MIL. Lack of hygiene is due to pure laziness. Period.