Anonymous wrote:Either her body is changing and she is self conscious about it so she’s wearing sweatshirts - to hide budding breasts, to hide cutting/self harm, or to hide an eating disorder. She is clinging to controlling her clothes because it’s something she CAN control. If you take this away, she may shift to controlling food and end up with an ED.

If it’s brands and materialism, she’s already shown you that she can wear a minimal capsule wardrobe without complaining. Instead of being a scold about $78 Lulu shorts, consider giving her a set budget and tell her she needs to get x number of tops and bottoms within that total amount.

To all the people saying they would not indulge this pickiness - don’t any of you remember what it is like to be an 11-14 yr old girl? Your body is changing. Your friend dynamics are changing. Both teen boys and adult men start making sexual comments to you. Maybe you want to hide or maybe you want to flaunt your newfound super power. But most of all you want to find yourself, separate from your parents, and fit in at school. Can you possibly indulge a tween girl in some sartorial support to arm her against the emotional turmoil in her brain? I don’t think it’s fair to expect a tween to act like an adult with solid self confidence.

Yes, and the brand conscious girls were the mean girls. I definitely want my DD to be excluded from THAT group.

Either her body is changing and she is self conscious about it so she’s wearing sweatshirts - to hide budding breasts, to hide cutting/self harm, or to hide an eating disorder. She is clinging to controlling her clothes because it’s something she CAN control. If you take this away, she may shift to controlling food and end up with an ED.

If it’s brands and materialism, she’s already shown you that she can wear a minimal capsule wardrobe without complaining. Instead of being a scold about $78 Lulu shorts, consider giving her a set budget and tell her she needs to get x number of tops and bottoms within that total amount.

To all the people saying they would not indulge this pickiness - don’t any of you remember what it is like to be an 11-14 yr old girl? Your body is changing. Your friend dynamics are changing. Both teen boys and adult men start making sexual comments to you. Maybe you want to hide or maybe you want to flaunt your newfound super power. But most of all you want to find yourself, separate from your parents, and fit in at school. Can you possibly indulge a tween girl in some sartorial support to arm her against the emotional turmoil in her brain? I don’t think it’s fair to expect a tween to act like an adult with solid self confidence.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She won't admit it, but I think it's the brands. She has a pair of Lulemon shorts that she used a Christmas gift card on and another pair of Athleta shorts. Today I showed her some cute Nike athletic shorts that are on sale at Dicks and she wouldn't even look at them.

I was about to say “don’t pick a fight”, but I would pick THIS fight.

I don’t pick this fight, but we do have a budget. I generally say, I could pay $25-30 for the same thjng at target. I will pay that portion, but you have to pay the rest. And that is what my 12 year old does. She has birthday money, etc. that she spends this way. We also talk about how to mix and match the expensive stuff with some cheaper stuff. So we found Athleta tank tops on sale for $9.98. She bought two in different colors. She knows to go look hard at the clearance section.

+1, my 12 year old DD has learned the value of the sale/clearance section. For Lululemon, I tell her I’m not spending $70 on shorts or whatever, so she can either wait to grab them on sale or she uses some of her money to pay for half. I don’t hassle her over colors, she wants multiple pairs of black Athleta/Lululemon shorts and it’s not necessary or worthwhile for me to insist she pick other colors.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She won't admit it, but I think it's the brands. She has a pair of Lulemon shorts that she used a Christmas gift card on and another pair of Athleta shorts. Today I showed her some cute Nike athletic shorts that are on sale at Dicks and she wouldn't even look at them.

I was about to say “don’t pick a fight”, but I would pick THIS fight.

I don’t pick this fight, but we do have a budget. I generally say, I could pay $25-30 for the same thjng at target. I will pay that portion, but you have to pay the rest. And that is what my 12 year old does. She has birthday money, etc. that she spends this way. We also talk about how to mix and match the expensive stuff with some cheaper stuff. So we found Athleta tank tops on sale for $9.98. She bought two in different colors. She knows to go look hard at the clearance section.

Dd12 is so similar in that she has only 2-3 outfits she reuses endlessly. It's frustrating

I'd just buy her a few things she really like from The Brands and then fill in with other things. If she has more options in the brands she likes, she will most likely also be more open to finding dupes too.

I'd work with her on this.

Anonymous wrote:11 is old enough to do her own laundry.

If it’s the brands look for used.

Oh shut up.

Yes, my DD was like this. It was worse, actually, because she was in between kid and adult sizes, and it was hard to buy anything. She eventually grew into the smallest adult size and eased up a little on requirements.

I would just recommend setting very clear boundaries (probably allow a little more than you want to, but then don't budge). It's OK to wear shorts more than once before laundry, unless she's very active/sweaty.

Maybe there is a way for her to pay for more Lululemon shorts? Can she be more engaged with laundry? Remove your feelings from the equation (this was hardest for me) and think about practical issues.

And good luck not losing it during all those "I have nothing to wear!" while sobbing.

Anonymous wrote:I did. But why is she refusing to mix up her wardrobe?

Why do you care? What if someone wanted you to wear something you didn't like?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She won't admit it, but I think it's the brands. She has a pair of Lulemon shorts that she used a Christmas gift card on and another pair of Athleta shorts. Today I showed her some cute Nike athletic shorts that are on sale at Dicks and she wouldn't even look at them.

I was about to say “don’t pick a fight”, but I would pick THIS fight.

Why pick this fight? If she prefers certain brands, you can either set a $ budget and she will have fewer items or find them on sale or discount sites. She may end up with fewer items then she otherwise would have, but that doesn't seem to concern her. Why can't DD have a preference for particular brands that are comfortable and styles that appear to be appropriate?

14:17 here. My kids don’t have a clothing budget, it’s simply my job to raise them to be good people.

And wearing certain brands makes someone a bad person?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She won't admit it, but I think it's the brands. She has a pair of Lulemon shorts that she used a Christmas gift card on and another pair of Athleta shorts. Today I showed her some cute Nike athletic shorts that are on sale at Dicks and she wouldn't even look at them.

I was about to say “don’t pick a fight”, but I would pick THIS fight.

Why pick this fight? If she prefers certain brands, you can either set a $ budget and she will have fewer items or find them on sale or discount sites. She may end up with fewer items then she otherwise would have, but that doesn't seem to concern her. Why can't DD have a preference for particular brands that are comfortable and styles that appear to be appropriate?

14:17 here. My kids don’t have a clothing budget, it’s simply my job to raise them to be good people.

Why is caring about brands not part of the definition of being a good person though?

My 12 year old doesn't care a thing about brands (she's insanely picky in other ways about her clothes), but if she did I wouldn't automatically shoot it down. Even if she just cared about the brands to fit in. There can be perfectly legitimate reasons to want to fit in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She won't admit it, but I think it's the brands. She has a pair of Lulemon shorts that she used a Christmas gift card on and another pair of Athleta shorts. Today I showed her some cute Nike athletic shorts that are on sale at Dicks and she wouldn't even look at them.

I was about to say “don’t pick a fight”, but I would pick THIS fight.

Why pick this fight? If she prefers certain brands, you can either set a $ budget and she will have fewer items or find them on sale or discount sites. She may end up with fewer items then she otherwise would have, but that doesn't seem to concern her. Why can't DD have a preference for particular brands that are comfortable and styles that appear to be appropriate?

14:17 here. My kids don’t have a clothing budget, it’s simply my job to raise them to be good people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She won't admit it, but I think it's the brands. She has a pair of Lulemon shorts that she used a Christmas gift card on and another pair of Athleta shorts. Today I showed her some cute Nike athletic shorts that are on sale at Dicks and she wouldn't even look at them.

I was about to say “don’t pick a fight”, but I would pick THIS fight.

Why pick this fight? If she prefers certain brands, you can either set a $ budget and she will have fewer items or find them on sale or discount sites. She may end up with fewer items then she otherwise would have, but that doesn't seem to concern her. Why can't DD have a preference for particular brands that are comfortable and styles that appear to be appropriate?

Very normal in middle school. Hard to find clothes that pass the cool and comfortable test so they wear the same things over and over.

Focus on laundry and hygiene - not clothing choices.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did. But why is she refusing to mix up her wardrobe?

Because she is. She is exercising the only control the may have right now. Probably going through some things at school and doesn't want to be noticed or someone said something to her about clothes. I remember myself at 11, a popular girl in school told me my clothes didn't match (we had no $ and stuff came from thrift stores and to my mothers taste) Im 40 now and i still barely wear any patterns and never 2 at a time. While I'm a professional and can afford all sort of things and have done styling sessions, insecurity runs deep and back to that moment.

I have a 12 year old DD who is also picky about clothes and appreciate you sharing this. Very helpful.