Anonymous
05/16/2024 00:01
Subject: What do you say when a friend wants you to take their side but they’re wrong?
Anonymous wrote:I sometimes deliberately misunderstand so I can seem to be agreeing, only I don't:
"Wow, it's terrible that they said they'd hold it for you and then sold it anyway. Were they at least fast about returning your deposit?" when the friend didn't put down a deposit.
This exactly. And when it's circling back to something we had already discussed/I'd already given my opinion:
"this pain is still bothering me!"
"I remember we discussed this and you were agreeing you should call your MD. What did the MD say?"
When directly asked, I answer truthfully. Have never lost friends over it. But I also don't start sentences with "no offense but..."
Anonymous
05/13/2024 20:12
Subject: What do you say when a friend wants you to take their side but they’re wrong?
Anonymous wrote:Op here,
Basically friend is the type to totally invalidate any feeling, opinion or idea that differs from her worldview. She told me that a coworker said “you are dismissive of anything that you don’t agree with” and she’s saying “I’m not like that, right?!”. Meanwhile, I’m thinking she is exactly like that and I know it’s not the first time she’s been told so.
In this case it's fair to say, "you mean like right now?"
Anonymous
05/13/2024 16:33
Subject: What do you say when a friend wants you to take their side but they’re wrong?
Anonymous wrote:Op here,
Basically friend is the type to totally invalidate any feeling, opinion or idea that differs from her worldview. She told me that a coworker said “you are dismissive of anything that you don’t agree with” and she’s saying “I’m not like that, right?!”. Meanwhile, I’m thinking she is exactly like that and I know it’s not the first time she’s been told so.
Then why didn't you say so, to your "friend"?
Use your words, OP.
Better to tell your "friend' straight out - she is asking you directly, why would you not tell her??
Anonymous
05/13/2024 16:32
Subject: What do you say when a friend wants you to take their side but they’re wrong?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What do you do in this case?
Depends. If they are talking shyt about someone, and that someone is nice to me, I will simply say "oh, I have never had a problem with them, myself". In other words, the issue is between them, not me; and this is not middle school.
I see what you're saying but I've also seen this used to basically cover up very bad behavior. Like this is the right response if the thing they are complaining about is some basic misunderstanding or minor conflict, but if a friend comes to you and says "I'm so upset I just found out Larla told our boss I have a drinking problem and now I'm not up for that promotion anymore," and your response is "oh have never had a problem with Larla, myself," you might be essentially condoning Larla's crap behavior and gaslighting your friend. And if you don't believe what they are saying about Larla, then probably you aren't even friends with them in the first place because that would be a very weird/crazy thing to lie about.
+1
Understood. But if they are complaining about someone's manner of dress, or they are just being gossipy, it honestly does not affect me, so I will not entertain what they are saying. Completely depends on the context.
Anonymous
05/13/2024 16:09
Subject: What do you say when a friend wants you to take their side but they’re wrong?
Op here,
Basically friend is the type to totally invalidate any feeling, opinion or idea that differs from her worldview. She told me that a coworker said “you are dismissive of anything that you don’t agree with” and she’s saying “I’m not like that, right?!”. Meanwhile, I’m thinking she is exactly like that and I know it’s not the first time she’s been told so.
Basically friend is the type to totally invalidate any feeling, opinion or idea that differs from her worldview. She told me that a coworker said “you are dismissive of anything that you don’t agree with” and she’s saying “I’m not like that, right?!”. Meanwhile, I’m thinking she is exactly like that and I know it’s not the first time she’s been told so.
Anonymous
05/13/2024 14:53
Subject: What do you say when a friend wants you to take their side but they’re wrong?
Validate their feelings,
Not necessarily their actions
Not necessarily their actions
Anonymous
05/13/2024 14:51
Subject: What do you say when a friend wants you to take their side but they’re wrong?
This ... if it has nothing to do with you: listen and never tell them they are wrong - unless they actually are asking for your advice.
(btw, you do not have to listen them *endlessly* ... if they aren't asking for your advice, and they aren't working to solve their own problems)
(btw, you do not have to listen them *endlessly* ... if they aren't asking for your advice, and they aren't working to solve their own problems)
Anonymous
05/13/2024 14:36
Subject: What do you say when a friend wants you to take their side but they’re wrong?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What do you do in this case?
Depends. If they are talking shyt about someone, and that someone is nice to me, I will simply say "oh, I have never had a problem with them, myself". In other words, the issue is between them, not me; and this is not middle school.
I see what you're saying but I've also seen this used to basically cover up very bad behavior. Like this is the right response if the thing they are complaining about is some basic misunderstanding or minor conflict, but if a friend comes to you and says "I'm so upset I just found out Larla told our boss I have a drinking problem and now I'm not up for that promotion anymore," and your response is "oh have never had a problem with Larla, myself," you might be essentially condoning Larla's crap behavior and gaslighting your friend. And if you don't believe what they are saying about Larla, then probably you aren't even friends with them in the first place because that would be a very weird/crazy thing to lie about.
+1
Anonymous
05/13/2024 14:04
Subject: What do you say when a friend wants you to take their side but they’re wrong?
I would not lie and pretend I agree with friend, but I'd pay close attention to her story and ask a lot of questions. Kind of like in a therapy session. It's not like we normally pass judgment on what our friends tell us, right?
Anonymous
05/13/2024 13:52
Subject: What do you say when a friend wants you to take their side but they’re wrong?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What do you do in this case?
Depends. If they are talking shyt about someone, and that someone is nice to me, I will simply say "oh, I have never had a problem with them, myself". In other words, the issue is between them, not me; and this is not middle school.
I see what you're saying but I've also seen this used to basically cover up very bad behavior. Like this is the right response if the thing they are complaining about is some basic misunderstanding or minor conflict, but if a friend comes to you and says "I'm so upset I just found out Larla told our boss I have a drinking problem and now I'm not up for that promotion anymore," and your response is "oh have never had a problem with Larla, myself," you might be essentially condoning Larla's crap behavior and gaslighting your friend. And if you don't believe what they are saying about Larla, then probably you aren't even friends with them in the first place because that would be a very weird/crazy thing to lie about.