Anonymous
Post 05/19/2024 19:12     Subject: College degree with weak major vs no degree
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I work as a case worker and wouldn't have my job without my degree; however, the pay is not great, and my family constantly reminds me of my weak major. I am employed, married, and have kids, and my family doesn't support us at all financially. I also graduated debt-free because I got a merit scholarship. I'm so tired of them making digs at my major. We own a house now and could put down 20 percent without help. I didn't major in horticulture or basket weaving. I could get my master's, but that would require debt and more time away from my children. I have told my parents a million times that I enjoy my job, but they love to go on and on about how my job doesn't require college. My job did require a 4-year degree.


OP here. A lot of the comments started when we bought a townhouse. It's like they look down on us because we didn't buy a single-family house and we only have one car. All of these are choices we are happy with. My mom loves to ask me how I am doing in my little house and how our old car is doing. I try to laugh it off


My mom used to say the same crud to me. I was told we could not host a baby shower because our house was too small, and she told my sister’s friends about my small house many times.

A 3 BR house for two people seems big to me and still does.

Their house was not much bigger so I am not sure how she bypassed the logic.

Keep doing you, and ignore them. Your parents have small and mean minds if this is what they keep talking about.

Also, I found it helps not to react at all, which is something animal trainers do in response to non-desired behaviors when training animals. I use these animal training techniques on my mother, and they have worked well.


Anonymous
Post 05/19/2024 15:33     Subject: College degree with weak major vs no degree
Anonymous wrote:Tell them to STFU. They've made their point, and they need to let it go. STOP defending yourself.

And personally, if they did that to me, I'd leave, or if they were in my home, I'd tell them to get out. I'd literally stand up, take anything of mine they were holding (plate of food, my book, my child/dog) and say "You may not disrespect me in my home. This visit is over; you're leaving now."


This. Tell them the comments are getting old and nothing will change so they need to deal.
Anonymous
Post 05/16/2024 14:53     Subject: College degree with weak major vs no degree
“I’m really happy with the career I’ve chosen and the lifestyle it gives me. You always have thinly veiled comments about it though. Are you embarrassed by me?”

I’m not an angry confrontational person but I politely explain my feelings and give others the chance to defend themselves (which usually means denying to which I just reiterate how their actions/words come across)
Anonymous
Post 05/15/2024 19:32     Subject: College degree with weak major vs no degree
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think what they’re really asking you is why you make so little money. Meaning, you can make the same amount of money for a job that doesn’t require a degree.

My folks also don’t seem to fathom why our house is so small, and so I haven’t been inclined to have them over. And so they don’t understand why we don’t have them over, lol.



Op here. Dh would never tell them that I don’t think they would ask. If I were a teacher they would say the same thing.
True but my job gives me a balance. I can be the primary parent. I can go to work after my kids leave for school and I am home before they come home. I can also work from home some days. In the summer we don't need to have childcare because DH and I can cover everything. They don't know how much I make but I have always told them the pay isn't the best but I enjoy my job. I also have downtime at work and I listen to a lot of podcasts/ NPR in between driving to different sites.


You might not have told them your income, but DH could be the leak. Which could be why they seem to know your income.
It’s good you’re happy with your situation. So why let their remarks bother you? Maybe just say, sorry you feel this way, but we are happy.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 22:51     Subject: College degree with weak major vs no degree
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think what they’re really asking you is why you make so little money. Meaning, you can make the same amount of money for a job that doesn’t require a degree.

My folks also don’t seem to fathom why our house is so small, and so I haven’t been inclined to have them over. And so they don’t understand why we don’t have them over, lol.


True but my job gives me a balance. I can be the primary parent. I can go to work after my kids leave for school and I am home before they come home. I can also work from home some days. In the summer we don't need to have childcare because DH and I can cover everything. They don't know how much I make but I have always told them the pay isn't the best but I enjoy my job. I also have downtime at work and I listen to a lot of podcasts/ NPR in between driving to different sites.


You might not have told them your income, but DH could be the leak. Which could be why they seem to know your income.
It’s good you’re happy with your situation. So why let their remarks bother you? Maybe just say, sorry you feel this way, but we are happy.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 21:58     Subject: College degree with weak major vs no degree
Is it possible that it’s not the degree or career that bothers them as much as your income? Maybe they’re concerned about your ability to support your kids if your DH runs off with an AP during a mid-life crisis and worried that they’ll have to support you in their old age on a limited income? Or maybe they expect you to help support them in old age. If you haven’t asked why, ask them. Then you can deal with the real issue.

If it’s only about status, tell them once that the standards have changed and a four year degree is required and expected for your career now. And then every time they bring it up again, tell them you’re not discussing it with them anymore. Walk out of the room or leave if they won’t let it go.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 17:07     Subject: College degree with weak major vs no degree
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hey, OP, I have a degree in horticulture! I've done reasonably well with it and enjoy my work. There's always someone looking down on someone or something they deem lower than them.


Op here. That's awesome. I have a friend who majored in that and didn't do so well and she also had a lot of student loan debt. She was getting government assistance with food and housing.


I think your family is rubbing off on you.


Op here. Because I shared my experience with the one horticulture major I know. I work in social services and help people get funding.

Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 17:06     Subject: College degree with weak major vs no degree
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think what they’re really asking you is why you make so little money. Meaning, you can make the same amount of money for a job that doesn’t require a degree.

My folks also don’t seem to fathom why our house is so small, and so I haven’t been inclined to have them over. And so they don’t understand why we don’t have them over, lol.

M

True but my job gives me a balance. I can be the primary parent. I can go to work after my kids leave for school and I am home before they come home. I can also work from home some days. In the summer we don't need to have childcare because DH and I can cover everything. They don't know how much I make but I have always told them the pay isn't the best but I enjoy my job. I also have downtime at work and I listen to a lot of podcasts/ NPR in between driving to different sites.



Why did you tell them anything about your job given how judgmental and rude they are? Stop with that asap. I can't imagine keeping people in my life who treated me so badly. You have 3 choices:

1. Let them continue to be rude and judgmental and not say anything
2. Cut them off given their bad behavior
3. Put them on notice. Tell them you will no longer accept their judgement and rudeness and if they decide to be judgmental and rude you will no longer be in relationship with you


Op here. It comes up. It’s pretty normal for your parents to know what kind of work you do unless you’re a stripper or something like that.

Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 11:43     Subject: Re:College degree with weak major vs no degree
OP, your family are jerks. I'm sorry. Thanks for using your education to go into a helping profession, and I wish you were paid better. Given all the social problems we have now, we actually should be funding more case workers at higher salaries -- maybe then we could do a better job addressing problems like homelessness, substance abuse, child neglect, and crime.

Also I have a law degree and live in an apartment, not even a townhouse. Turns out it's fine. Maybe skip Thanksgiving with the fam this year and use the time for a much deserved vacation instead of fielding rude comments from your parents about your career.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 11:33     Subject: College degree with weak major vs no degree
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hey, OP, I have a degree in horticulture! I've done reasonably well with it and enjoy my work. There's always someone looking down on someone or something they deem lower than them.


Op here. That's awesome. I have a friend who majored in that and didn't do so well and she also had a lot of student loan debt. She was getting government assistance with food and housing.


I think your family is rubbing off on you.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 09:55     Subject: College degree with weak major vs no degree
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think what they’re really asking you is why you make so little money. Meaning, you can make the same amount of money for a job that doesn’t require a degree.

My folks also don’t seem to fathom why our house is so small, and so I haven’t been inclined to have them over. And so they don’t understand why we don’t have them over, lol.


True but my job gives me a balance. I can be the primary parent. I can go to work after my kids leave for school and I am home before they come home. I can also work from home some days. In the summer we don't need to have childcare because DH and I can cover everything. They don't know how much I make but I have always told them the pay isn't the best but I enjoy my job. I also have downtime at work and I listen to a lot of podcasts/ NPR in between driving to different sites.



Why did you tell them anything about your job given how judgmental and rude they are? Stop with that asap. I can't imagine keeping people in my life who treated me so badly. You have 3 choices:

1. Let them continue to be rude and judgmental and not say anything
2. Cut them off given their bad behavior
3. Put them on notice. Tell them you will no longer accept their judgement and rudeness and if they decide to be judgmental and rude you will no longer be in relationship with you
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 09:45     Subject: College degree with weak major vs no degree
Anonymous wrote:You have a good job. Ignore them.


+1000

Ignore them. You don't need such negativity in your life.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 20:50     Subject: College degree with weak major vs no degree
Anonymous wrote:I think what they’re really asking you is why you make so little money. Meaning, you can make the same amount of money for a job that doesn’t require a degree.

My folks also don’t seem to fathom why our house is so small, and so I haven’t been inclined to have them over. And so they don’t understand why we don’t have them over, lol.


True but my job gives me a balance. I can be the primary parent. I can go to work after my kids leave for school and I am home before they come home. I can also work from home some days. In the summer we don't need to have childcare because DH and I can cover everything. They don't know how much I make but I have always told them the pay isn't the best but I enjoy my job. I also have downtime at work and I listen to a lot of podcasts/ NPR in between driving to different sites.

Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 20:46     Subject: College degree with weak major vs no degree
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your parents sound overly concerned with money & status…they sound elitist & classist. They do not have the same values as you, OP, you seem to care more about quality of life (choosing a degree in a field you enjoy that can also provide for your family).

I would ignore all of their statements. They want to shame you into feeling how they do, which you shouldn’t - they are being unkind, all for the sake of pushing a consumer driven society. Blech.

You’re not likely to change them, which is why I would just ignore & remind yourself that your values are diffferent.


OP here. They really are something... DH is south asian (Maldives), and they constantly say he's Indian, but he's not from India. I used to correct them, and they would say "same thing". My grandmom constantly puts down Muslim women and talks about how they are taking over her condo building, and it's those women who have a lot of kids and wear stuff off their heads. I have told her a million times they are Muslim women, and it's disrespectful to talk about them like that. The neighbors have done nothing but be nice to her. It's their choice how many kids they want to have or what they want to wear.



Your rekatives sound really upsetting but Maldivians are considered to be of the Indian-Aryan race. google it


Op here. No not according to my husband. I trust him over Google.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 20:45     Subject: College degree with weak major vs no degree
Anonymous wrote:Hey, OP, I have a degree in horticulture! I've done reasonably well with it and enjoy my work. There's always someone looking down on someone or something they deem lower than them.


Op here. That's awesome. I have a friend who majored in that and didn't do so well and she also had a lot of student loan debt. She was getting government assistance with food and housing.