Anonymous wrote:I would think with so many professionals at schools today -- counselors, psychologists, social workers -- someone would have noticed and advised parents. I'd certainly be put off if a "friend" would try to diagnose my kids.

Not with girls. I’ve “diagnosed” so many of my friends kids and had them ask the school or doctors, who eventually confirmed my hunch. I have adhd myself so I usually come from that personal piece, so many that’s why friends haven’t been mad at me about it?

My best friends 15 yr old was one. She was finally diagnosed on the spectrum this year and it answered every issue she had been having. It changed her whole life. Not bc there was any life changing therapy she got but bc people stopped taking her autistic behaviors the wrong way. People stopped taking her social gaffs personally.

I would not say anything because you’re not a professional, and you may not have insight to other diagnosis They already have that she has not shared with you. On the flipside high functioning autism can trigger anxiety in girls because they don’t understand why they feel different from their peers. When we got this diagnosis for my daughter, it was a shock to us and many of her teachers and other adults in her life. She masks “very well” and is highly intelligent and sociable. Even her pediatrician was like are they sure!? But there were certainly things we saw at home where a high functioning autism diagnosis made sense. We actually have not shared this with our daughter yet because we’re dealing with some other things with anxiety and her therapist didn’t feel it was the right time but suggested we let her know within the next six months because sometimes understanding how/why they may be “different” is actually helpful for them to process, function and feel less anxiety

I would just empathize and not offer solutions. She may just want to vent.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Appreciate all the advice. She’s not just socially awkward. There’s a lot more going on.

“Ask yourself: why is it important to you that this kid have the label attached? It won’t change the support that is available.”

Mostly because I see the family struggling so much and I care for them all. I would hope that a diagnosis would help them understand and figure out steps. Right now they’re floundering.

But you all are right that I should keep my mouth shut. I’ll just keep supporting them how I have been until now.

What are you “seeing” besides social awkwardness? Rigidity? Flat effect?

Don't suggest anything. It's not your place to share your opinion.

Could you maybe suggest adhd instead? I agree it can present similarly in some areas, and the suggestion of adhd seems less daunting and less likely to bring out big emotions from mom.
A psych assessment would help sort out if it’s that or autism.

Anonymous wrote:Also just adding that I hate the term "on the spectrum" - even worse "somewhere on the spectrum." Autism is not a dirty word, and this is used so often by parents who don't want to hear it come out of their mouths. The spectrum is not linear. There are a stectrum of traits that affect Autistic people and some are more prominent than others in each individual.

You are contradicting yourself. Read what you wrote.

Anonymous wrote:I would think with so many professionals at schools today -- counselors, psychologists, social workers -- someone would have noticed and advised parents. I'd certainly be put off if a "friend" would try to diagnose my kids.

You are very wrong if you think parents who aren’t requesting evaluations will get this kind of help, especially if the child isn’t highly disruptive or downright dangerous in the classroom.

Anonymous wrote:I disagree about the label. I’m the parent with the late diagnosed kid. Self understanding is so important. This no labels stuff is from people who’ve never felt how helpful it is to understand themselves as part of a larger community. People who’ve never wondered why they’re different and if there’s anyone else like them out there. Don’t listen to them. It can be meaningful to get a diagnosis.

I agree. I know a family who struggled since toddlerhood with hair late-diagnosed child. The diagnosis as a teen helped them dramatically.

This absolutely does not happen. Teachers do NOT want to suggest a diagnosis to parents. They avoid doing so, almost always.

I would think with so many professionals at schools today -- counselors, psychologists, social workers -- someone would have noticed and advised parents. I'd certainly be put off if a "friend" would try to diagnose my kids.

Also just adding that I hate the term "on the spectrum" - even worse "somewhere on the spectrum." Autism is not a dirty word, and this is used so often by parents who don't want to hear it come out of their mouths. The spectrum is not linear. There are a stectrum of traits that affect Autistic people and some are more prominent than others in each individual.

I disagree about the label. I’m the parent with the late diagnosed kid. Self understanding is so important. This no labels stuff is from people who’ve never felt how helpful it is to understand themselves as part of a larger community. People who’ve never wondered why they’re different and if there’s anyone else like them out there. Don’t listen to them. It can be meaningful to get a diagnosis.

Op here. Appreciate all the advice. She’s not just socially awkward. There’s a lot more going on.

“Ask yourself: why is it important to you that this kid have the label attached? It won’t change the support that is available.”

Mostly because I see the family struggling so much and I care for them all. I would hope that a diagnosis would help them understand and figure out steps. Right now they’re floundering.

But you all are right that I should keep my mouth shut. I’ll just keep supporting them how I have been until now.

If the kid is a teen and doesn’t have a diagnosis yet, the diagnosis is not going to mean anything. Most doctors advise not to even bother at that age and just focus on treating the symptoms, whatever they may be.

Ask yourself: why is it important to you that this kid have the label attached? It won’t change the support that is available.

The parents probably know all of this and do not need your involvement.