NTA. Send a check. I wouldn’t go either (and I have great relationships with extended family). I also do NOT expect family to come to my kids’ graduations.

Graduation ceremonies (and parties) are for the graduates and immediate family. That's it. I can think of a few narcissists who think the world revolves around them and would make it bigger than it is without any self awareness. It's ok if they invite; it's ok to say no.

If the college is in a small town, hotels will be scarce and $$. Also, colleges typically ration graduation tickets. Personally, I only attended my children’s graduations for both high school and college. I would opt for giving a gift.

I wouldn’t go. I wouldn't have gone to my own college graduation if I hadn’t been working security and getting paid. My niece’s graduation from high school was on my birthday and my sister thought that would be such a great way for me to celebrate my birthday. Thank goodness I already had plans to be out of state so I didn’t have to be the a-hole and say that sounds like a terrible way to spend my birthday.

Send a nice check and all is forgiven.

Anonymous wrote:Graduations are fun and inspiring. Just go.

I have never been to any graduation that is fun and exciting, including all of mine.

Graduations are fun and inspiring. Just go.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It's about a 3 hour drive for me, and would require a hotel. Plus a pet sitter.

If it were 1 hour I'd absolutely go, but sacrificing my whole weekend for about a few minutes of excitement and a lot of waiting around and driving...

Send a check. You’re fine.

Everyone’s different, but that would be nbd to me if I were your sibling or your nephew. Send a check. Take them out to dinner another time, & have a real conversation, listen to what they are hoping to do, help them if you can. That sounds good to me!

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t expect my sister to go to my son’s graduation if it was local. I hate graduations lol.

Same. Just send a check and your best wishes. No one wants to sit through a graduation ceremony.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It's about a 3 hour drive for me, and would require a hotel. Plus a pet sitter.

If it were 1 hour I'd absolutely go, but sacrificing my whole weekend for about a few minutes of excitement and a lot of waiting around and driving...

Oh hell no, I wouldn't go for that. And I doubt there will be even a few minutes of excitement, lol.

No you don't need to go to this. Graduations are boring. But if they have a party, go to that.

I am very close to my niece and nephew and I didn't go to either one of their graduations - one of them literally walking distance from my house. No one expected me to go!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's less than an hour away, I would be prepared to go, but only if they invited me. I purposefully didn't invite anyone to my son's high school graduation, because it's not that big a deal. College graduation is the real thing, and PhDs even more so, but by then I don't know if anyone will be left to attend in terms of close friends, who will perhaps move away from the area, and elderly relatives, who might not be mobile enough. Even more so for my younger kids' graduations.

So I think it depends on how close this event is and whether your sibling really expects you to go. I suppose different families have different expections on this.

HS graduation might not be a big deal to you but for those of us with a kid that struggles that’s kinda rude.

PP you replied to. My son has ASD and ADHD and had an IEP from K to 11th grade, and a 504 in 12th. It meant a lot to him to be finally rid of classes he didn't like and do homework he hated. College is going better, because he loves his major and he likes all his classes. But struggling in school doesn't mean he wanted a ton of people at his high school graduation, or that he enjoyed arriving two hours before the event, waiting around, listening to speeches and standing in line for ever. And it doesn't mean that other people should be forced to attend!

The fact that some kids surmount huge obstacles to graduate is not an additional reason to strongarm guests into attendance. The number of guests has nothing to do with how proud he is, or how proud I am, of his very hard work.

If your kid ABSOLUTELY WANTS certain guests at his graduation, that's another discussion entirely.

Anonymous wrote:Nephew is graduating college (driving distance from DC). I... don't want to go and spend my whole weekend at a college graduation. I never had aunts/uncles involved in my life and don't really know what's normal in these cases.

AITA Aunt for simply not wanting to go, and using my weekend to recharge and do needed stuff? To celebrate with them later, and send him a nice check?

Parents of grads... do you really expect local relatives to attend graduation of your kids?

My sister flew short flight to attend my daughter’s graduation (with her family). I will do same for her. Meant the world to my daughter and to me.