Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normal for 1st grade but also needs to be consistently addressed. The teacher may be mentioning behavior like this to all the parents, as a reminder to them that even if this is "age appropriate" it's still ant-social behavior kids need to learn to control. She may not be singling your DD out, but just generally letting parents know to keep an eye on this developmentally appropriate, but still rude, behavior.

This is reassuring. And yes of course I am addressing the behaviors at home. But also good to hear that the behaviors are not out of the norm.

DP and I think you should be concerned that you are looking for reassurance. I know a parent like you who is constantly excusing her increasingly jerky, even violent kid. He just gets worse and she's constantly finding reasons why it's OK.

You might think you are "of course" addressing the behavior, but since you're looking for reassurance that your kid is "normal" instead of distressed by your kid's behavior, I doubt you're as effective as you think you are at addressing it.

Time for some soul searching, OP.

I think it is weird that people are automatically assuming DD is a mean kid and that I’m a “mean kid mom.” Of course I want to know that my is within the bounds of normal! I was mortified to get the email from her teacher and immediately corrected DD at home with the possibility of pulling her out of soccer (her top activity) if this behavior continues. I probably came down harder than most because I’m from an immigrant family and getting these communications from a teacher is frankly unacceptable and mortifying. I am absolutely “distressed” by it.

But I would also like to know if these are normal kid comments at this age (which I thought so and was reassured they are) or whether teacher is flagging DD specifically because these are out of the norm.

Anonymous wrote:Even if it's normal - and I agree for some kids it is - if it's not the kind of thing you want your kid growing up saying be grateful the teacher is intervening. It gives you a chance to help your DD grow into the kind of person she ought to be, which is better than just "normal."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 7yo DD's teacher said that she has made some comments at school, and she'd like me to follow up at home. I am doing that, but would also like DCUM's take on whether DD's meanness is out of the norm?

Examples

They draw or write about what they plan to do on the weekend. DD told her tablemate, who had drawn a blob, that her drawing "isn't that cool." DD also said a classmate said something similar about someone else's Friday diary before (The classmate had said something like "Your picture isn't very good" and the teacher said that was just her opinion, so DD said she thought it was ok to critique too).

The kids are instructed to play "PE rules only" for recess 4 square. Teacher said DD accused kids of cheating and was mad at being out. I don't know how the PE rules are different, but according to DD a couple kids were playing regular rules and that's why DD said they were cheating.

Another example is that she plays in a soccer league with lots of kids in her grade, and she (along with a couple other classmates) were talking to each other "You guys are going DOWN! Your team isn't as good as mine! We are really good! I kicked in 2 goals on Saturday."

I fully admit that DD can be rigid and a stickler for rules. She can also be braggy in situations like when lots of soccer players are around and she wants to boast about her team. We are working on those things. Of course DD shouldn't be volunteering comments that aren't nice, and she certainly doesn't need to be refereeing recess. But... isn't stuff like this expected for 6 and 7 year olds? I hear kids talking trash and being silly all the time. Naturally I haven't said any of this to DD and just instructed her to be kind, that if she doesn't have anything to say to say nothing, and that she is not the teacher/ref/rulekeeper. And if she can't get it together, there will be more consequences at home, like pulling her out of soccer if that's making her too competitive and unkind. But I also recall growing up... MUCH worse things were said to me and nothing ever happened.

You are looking for reassurance from people who a) don’t know your kid and b) who are only given “your side of the story.” The teacher knows your kid and sees them in a different environment (away from you and without rose colored parenting glasses). She has told you your child needs support at home for her behavior. Teachers know normal behavior for children (more so than you do - it’s literally their job) and let a lot of behaviors slide. If the teacher tells you there is a problem, I wonder why you doubt them? It’s classic behavior of a parent of a mean kid. Always making excuses for their kid instead of addressing their kid’s problems.

That is what I am worried about - that the reason teacher is sending email home is something more but she won’t say. Like maybe there are worse behaviors she is seeing or a related concern that she’s hinting at? Because just based on what the teacher said in the email, I was surprised to be contacted. That’s why I am asking here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normal for 1st grade but also needs to be consistently addressed. The teacher may be mentioning behavior like this to all the parents, as a reminder to them that even if this is "age appropriate" it's still ant-social behavior kids need to learn to control. She may not be singling your DD out, but just generally letting parents know to keep an eye on this developmentally appropriate, but still rude, behavior.

This is reassuring. And yes of course I am addressing the behaviors at home. But also good to hear that the behaviors are not out of the norm.

DP and I think you should be concerned that you are looking for reassurance. I know a parent like you who is constantly excusing her increasingly jerky, even violent kid. He just gets worse and she's constantly finding reasons why it's OK.

You might think you are "of course" addressing the behavior, but since you're looking for reassurance that your kid is "normal" instead of distressed by your kid's behavior, I doubt you're as effective as you think you are at addressing it.

Time for some soul searching, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normal for 1st grade but also needs to be consistently addressed. The teacher may be mentioning behavior like this to all the parents, as a reminder to them that even if this is "age appropriate" it's still ant-social behavior kids need to learn to control. She may not be singling your DD out, but just generally letting parents know to keep an eye on this developmentally appropriate, but still rude, behavior.

This is reassuring. And yes of course I am addressing the behaviors at home. But also good to hear that the behaviors are not out of the norm.

Anonymous wrote:The teacher may feel that the comments, while pretty common for that age group, reflect something a little off in your daughter's psychological profile, but since she doesn't have the expertise to really pinpoint issues, she just wants to brinh the behavioral problems to your attention.

Possibly your kid has ADHD, or mild autism, or something along those lines. I say this as a parent of teens and young adults, one of whom has ADHD/ASD, and who has seen my fair share of kids with autism or ADHD behave like this.

NOT TO SAY THAT YOUR KID HAS A DIAGNOSIS!!! But your description of mental rigidity, etc, kind of rings a bell here.

The best thing for you to do is talk to your kid regularly about keeping mean remarks in her head and reminding her what constitutes a "mean" remark.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 7 year old DD wouldn't do the first or third, but would do the second. More than a few of her friends would do the others, though, so I'd say normal.

+1
She's competitive. Sports kids are big on bravado and talking smack but it's good you are aware to guide her into being aware of the feelings of others (are they participating in the smack talk and is it harmless or is one side quiet). Kids love to say they're the fastest, best... but some kids are sensitive to that and will feel those words as a condemnation or take it to heart and maybe believe they can't play well or are just bad at art and get frustrated. It's important that she know this and you’ll probably have to remind her all the time. I have one of each kid and they find their tribe but right now you have a great opportunity to help her be aware

Anonymous wrote:Normal for 1st grade but also needs to be consistently addressed. The teacher may be mentioning behavior like this to all the parents, as a reminder to them that even if this is "age appropriate" it's still ant-social behavior kids need to learn to control. She may not be singling your DD out, but just generally letting parents know to keep an eye on this developmentally appropriate, but still rude, behavior.