Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 02:31     Subject: Would you cancel? Birthday dinner “dilemma”.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your mistake was the Evite. Either you or your daughter get the girl's cells and send the time and place in a group chat and ask the girls to text RSVP by x date. Follow up on that date with anyone that hasn't.


My 15yo was invited to a birthday party this weekend via Evite. I had not RSVPd. Kid texted my kid and my kid told me to RSVP yes and I did.

Are these girls your daughter hangs out with regularly?


These are friends she just made this school year. Outside of school, she hasn’t had a chance to hang out with them.


These don't sound like close friends if they never get together outside of school. My guess is that these are "friendly" kids, not really friends. Why the Evite? 15 year olds don't do that. They text or message to coordinate date/time/place.

My 14 year old's friend has a birthday party on Saturday afternoon. The plans were made entirely between the kids, with no parental involvement, and through texts/messaging. Parents only get involved if someone needs a ride.


People need to stfu with speaking for every teen and parent. Not everyone does that.
I can imagine the kids texts. They would be like “ok I’m gonna say that it’s Beth’s birthday party and Beth will say it’s my birthday. We’ll have our clueless moms drop us off at the restaurant and we’ll meet Jeff and Sam there. Sam drives, we hang out at Sam’s house because his parents are away for the weekend. We figure out how to sleep at Sam’s later. “
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 02:29     Subject: Would you cancel? Birthday dinner “dilemma”.
It can be really hard OP. DD is planning the same type of event. She handled the invites at school and via text. Getting kids to confirm is tough. They are school friends but usually don’t hang out outside of school. Of the 5 invited we are down to 3-4 and my guess is it will be 1 less tomorrow.
I would talk through the options and let her decide. DD and I have a backup plan to go shopping.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 02:20     Subject: Would you cancel? Birthday dinner “dilemma”.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a 15yo son and their plans often fall through. However, birthdays are the one time it usually happens.

Do you know these parents?

I would text them and say you can pick them up and drive them home. It may be a ride issue.


I haven’t met them.


Do the girls ever hang out outside of school?

What were the details on the evite? Did you expect parents to drive and then pick up kids from a restaurant?

I have three kids so deal with a lot of hang outs and parties. We often carpool. When I plan something for my kids, I usually say something like drop off at our house at 4pm. Let me know if your child needs a ride. Parents usually ask when to pick up.

I personally love it when parent picks up my kid and drives them home.


How is this helpful?

I would call the parent and ask if you could pick her up. Maybe even change the date because there is so little time left.

Don’t pay attention to posters who claim every other kid is a master event planner. Some kids need more help than others.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 02:15     Subject: Would you cancel? Birthday dinner “dilemma”.
This is a really weird way to handle a birthday invite for a 15 yo. That’s just not how this age handles things. They make the plan and then the last step is a parent texting their parents to confirm plans that their kid has already ran by them.

The kid with the mom who doesn’t speak English - I’d guess she does not socialize outside school with friends. This is very common with immigrant families. Family only.

Since it’s may - unless she just met them - how have they not hung out after school ?

Id reschedule and make it a Friday where you can pick them all up after school.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 01:43     Subject: Would you cancel? Birthday dinner “dilemma”.
Usually at this age the kids make all the plans and then the parents confirm.

Since she has never hung out with these girls outside of school before, celebrating a birthday at a restaurant is a big first step and a lot of social pressure for teens.

Are there other friends she could invite from church, hobbies, neighborhood, school previous years etc that she is closer too?
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 01:38     Subject: Would you cancel? Birthday dinner “dilemma”.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your mistake was the Evite. Either you or your daughter get the girl's cells and send the time and place in a group chat and ask the girls to text RSVP by x date. Follow up on that date with anyone that hasn't.


My 15yo was invited to a birthday party this weekend via Evite. I had not RSVPd. Kid texted my kid and my kid told me to RSVP yes and I did.

Are these girls your daughter hangs out with regularly?


These are friends she just made this school year. Outside of school, she hasn’t had a chance to hang out with them.


These don't sound like close friends if they never get together outside of school. My guess is that these are "friendly" kids, not really friends. Why the Evite? 15 year olds don't do that. They text or message to coordinate date/time/place.

My 14 year old's friend has a birthday party on Saturday afternoon. The plans were made entirely between the kids, with no parental involvement, and through texts/messaging. Parents only get involved if someone needs a ride.


Why not? It’s been my experience that other parents want some kind of communication with another parent before dropping them off at their house or a venue for a party instead of going off of their kid’s word. I thought the Evite would be easy since it includes all the information the parents need.


The problem here is that you’re sending the invites to the parents as if the kids are 8 years old, instead of the kids getting together and deciding what dates and times work for them, and essentially planning the whole thing amongst themselves.

If I’m the parent of an invited kid, I ask for the other parent’s contact information, so I can contact them in an emergency. If I’m the birthday kid’s parent, I ask for all the parents’ contacts in case there is an emergency and do a group text to introduce myself, let them know I’ll be available in case of emergencies, and to offer rides for anyone that needs it.


I’d prefer parents reach out to me directly.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 01:23     Subject: Would you cancel? Birthday dinner “dilemma”.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your mistake was the Evite. Either you or your daughter get the girl's cells and send the time and place in a group chat and ask the girls to text RSVP by x date. Follow up on that date with anyone that hasn't.


My 15yo was invited to a birthday party this weekend via Evite. I had not RSVPd. Kid texted my kid and my kid told me to RSVP yes and I did.

Are these girls your daughter hangs out with regularly?


These are friends she just made this school year. Outside of school, she hasn’t had a chance to hang out with them.


These don't sound like close friends if they never get together outside of school. My guess is that these are "friendly" kids, not really friends. Why the Evite? 15 year olds don't do that. They text or message to coordinate date/time/place.

My 14 year old's friend has a birthday party on Saturday afternoon. The plans were made entirely between the kids, with no parental involvement, and through texts/messaging. Parents only get involved if someone needs a ride.


Why not? It’s been my experience that other parents want some kind of communication with another parent before dropping them off at their house or a venue for a party instead of going off of their kid’s word. I thought the Evite would be easy since it includes all the information the parents need.


The problem here is that you’re sending the invites to the parents as if the kids are 8 years old, instead of the kids getting together and deciding what dates and times work for them, and essentially planning the whole thing amongst themselves.

If I’m the parent of an invited kid, I ask for the other parent’s contact information, so I can contact them in an emergency. If I’m the birthday kid’s parent, I ask for all the parents’ contacts in case there is an emergency and do a group text to introduce myself, let them know I’ll be available in case of emergencies, and to offer rides for anyone that needs it.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 00:16     Subject: Would you cancel? Birthday dinner “dilemma”.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a 15yo son and their plans often fall through. However, birthdays are the one time it usually happens.

Do you know these parents?

I would text them and say you can pick them up and drive them home. It may be a ride issue.


I haven’t met them.


Do the girls ever hang out outside of school?

What were the details on the evite? Did you expect parents to drive and then pick up kids from a restaurant?

I have three kids so deal with a lot of hang outs and parties. We often carpool. When I plan something for my kids, I usually say something like drop off at our house at 4pm. Let me know if your child needs a ride. Parents usually ask when to pick up.

I personally love it when parent picks up my kid and drives them home.


I gave the option to either drop off at our house or meet at the restaurant and I would bring the girls home.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 00:15     Subject: Would you cancel? Birthday dinner “dilemma”.
Anonymous wrote:The one who couldn’t understand the invite- did they understand you’re paying?


I would hope so. I never said anything that their kids had to pay for their own meal.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 00:13     Subject: Would you cancel? Birthday dinner “dilemma”.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your mistake was the Evite. Either you or your daughter get the girl's cells and send the time and place in a group chat and ask the girls to text RSVP by x date. Follow up on that date with anyone that hasn't.


My 15yo was invited to a birthday party this weekend via Evite. I had not RSVPd. Kid texted my kid and my kid told me to RSVP yes and I did.

Are these girls your daughter hangs out with regularly?


These are friends she just made this school year. Outside of school, she hasn’t had a chance to hang out with them.


These don't sound like close friends if they never get together outside of school. My guess is that these are "friendly" kids, not really friends. Why the Evite? 15 year olds don't do that. They text or message to coordinate date/time/place.

My 14 year old's friend has a birthday party on Saturday afternoon. The plans were made entirely between the kids, with no parental involvement, and through texts/messaging. Parents only get involved if someone needs a ride.


Why not? It’s been my experience that other parents want some kind of communication with another parent before dropping them off at their house or a venue for a party instead of going off of their kid’s word. I thought the Evite would be easy since it includes all the information the parents need.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 00:11     Subject: Would you cancel? Birthday dinner “dilemma”.
Anonymous wrote:How do you even have the email addresses for the friends’ parents?


I don’t have email addresses. My daughter asked her friends for their parent’s number and I used that to send the Evite.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 00:09     Subject: Would you cancel? Birthday dinner “dilemma”.
The one who couldn’t understand the invite- did they understand you’re paying?
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 00:02     Subject: Would you cancel? Birthday dinner “dilemma”.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your mistake was the Evite. Either you or your daughter get the girl's cells and send the time and place in a group chat and ask the girls to text RSVP by x date. Follow up on that date with anyone that hasn't.


My 15yo was invited to a birthday party this weekend via Evite. I had not RSVPd. Kid texted my kid and my kid told me to RSVP yes and I did.

Are these girls your daughter hangs out with regularly?


These are friends she just made this school year. Outside of school, she hasn’t had a chance to hang out with them.


These don't sound like close friends if they never get together outside of school. My guess is that these are "friendly" kids, not really friends. Why the Evite? 15 year olds don't do that. They text or message to coordinate date/time/place.

My 14 year old's friend has a birthday party on Saturday afternoon. The plans were made entirely between the kids, with no parental involvement, and through texts/messaging. Parents only get involved if someone needs a ride.
Anonymous
Post 05/09/2024 23:53     Subject: Would you cancel? Birthday dinner “dilemma”.
How do you even have the email addresses for the friends’ parents?
Anonymous
Post 05/09/2024 23:37     Subject: Would you cancel? Birthday dinner “dilemma”.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a 15yo son and their plans often fall through. However, birthdays are the one time it usually happens.

Do you know these parents?

I would text them and say you can pick them up and drive them home. It may be a ride issue.


I haven’t met them.


Do the girls ever hang out outside of school?

What were the details on the evite? Did you expect parents to drive and then pick up kids from a restaurant?

I have three kids so deal with a lot of hang outs and parties. We often carpool. When I plan something for my kids, I usually say something like drop off at our house at 4pm. Let me know if your child needs a ride. Parents usually ask when to pick up.

I personally love it when parent picks up my kid and drives them home.