Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 15:07     Subject: Relitigating a signed custody agreement
Anonymous wrote:Im not getting a huge amount of child support at all. It’s based on his old income not the current income.


Is paying for private school part of the agreement?
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 15:04     Subject: Relitigating a signed custody agreement
OP, talk to your lawyer. Does your agreement address college tuition?

Does he genuinely want DC to relocate to his city? Is he involved with someone or remarried?
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 15:04     Subject: Relitigating a signed custody agreement
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are you not following the agreement?


We are. Ex who lives far away (and did when the agreement was signed) no longer wants to pay for private school unless DC is living with him in his city.


Ok, so you pay or the kid goes to public. Maybe he cannot afford it along with child support. What is the actual story here? Why can't child visit more as a compromise?


What the hell! Are you a deadbeat dad or a deadbeat dad sympathizer?


NP and mother to teen child. How that this answer a dead beat sympathizer? Sounds like the father has been more that fulfilling his financial duties and is asking for more time with their kid in exchange for continued private school payment. You don't own your kid.

Private school isn't a right it is an expensive privilege. Get a higher paying job or have your kid go private if you are not willing to compromise.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 15:03     Subject: Relitigating a signed custody agreement
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, sorry to hear you're going through this. Courts don't like changing things for the kid and your ex is going to have to prove why this change is in the child's best interest (so your defense needs to be that no change is in the child's best interest) or that his circumstances have changed enough that he cannot afford to pay anymore. The court will not like that your ex is doing this out of spite or to manipulate you into a larger change for your child.

IF the court agrees with your ex, ask for this to only go in effect after next school year so you can apply for Financial Aid. Have this new order written down and apply for financial aid at your private school with the change, excluding his income with your new custody arrangement as proof.


It appears that OP has one child, and earns at least 400K (half of the top 1% salary) and gets substantial child support.

While I agree that Dad isn't being reasonable, and should pay his share, I can't imagine she'll get financial aid with that profile.


OP. Hi, I was wrong. I make $230K and he makes over $500K. So we were close to 1% combined but not separately. So while I cannot full pay private he can easily afford his share.


Ah okay. I think he has an uphill battle anyway to stop paying but if you get unlucky, make sure it's in writing that he will not be paying for K - 12 tuition (which they'll do anyway if he's successful) but its reasonable for you to request that it goes into effect after X date so you can apply for Financial Aid. That way, you can apply for FA as a single parent and not include his income in the calculations.


That doesn’t work for college, does it work for high school?

For college it only works if you have a no contact order.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 14:44     Subject: Relitigating a signed custody agreement
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, sorry to hear you're going through this. Courts don't like changing things for the kid and your ex is going to have to prove why this change is in the child's best interest (so your defense needs to be that no change is in the child's best interest) or that his circumstances have changed enough that he cannot afford to pay anymore. The court will not like that your ex is doing this out of spite or to manipulate you into a larger change for your child.

IF the court agrees with your ex, ask for this to only go in effect after next school year so you can apply for Financial Aid. Have this new order written down and apply for financial aid at your private school with the change, excluding his income with your new custody arrangement as proof.


It appears that OP has one child, and earns at least 400K (half of the top 1% salary) and gets substantial child support.

While I agree that Dad isn't being reasonable, and should pay his share, I can't imagine she'll get financial aid with that profile.


OP. Hi, I was wrong. I make $230K and he makes over $500K. So we were close to 1% combined but not separately. So while I cannot full pay private he can easily afford his share.


Ah okay. I think he has an uphill battle anyway to stop paying but if you get unlucky, make sure it's in writing that he will not be paying for K - 12 tuition (which they'll do anyway if he's successful) but its reasonable for you to request that it goes into effect after X date so you can apply for Financial Aid. That way, you can apply for FA as a single parent and not include his income in the calculations.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 14:33     Subject: Relitigating a signed custody agreement
Im not getting a huge amount of child support at all. It’s based on his old income not the current income.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 14:31     Subject: Relitigating a signed custody agreement
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, sorry to hear you're going through this. Courts don't like changing things for the kid and your ex is going to have to prove why this change is in the child's best interest (so your defense needs to be that no change is in the child's best interest) or that his circumstances have changed enough that he cannot afford to pay anymore. The court will not like that your ex is doing this out of spite or to manipulate you into a larger change for your child.

IF the court agrees with your ex, ask for this to only go in effect after next school year so you can apply for Financial Aid. Have this new order written down and apply for financial aid at your private school with the change, excluding his income with your new custody arrangement as proof.


It appears that OP has one child, and earns at least 400K (half of the top 1% salary) and gets substantial child support.

While I agree that Dad isn't being reasonable, and should pay his share, I can't imagine she'll get financial aid with that profile.


OP. Hi, I was wrong. I make $230K and he makes over $500K. So we were close to 1% combined but not separately. So while I cannot full pay private he can easily afford his share.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 14:26     Subject: Relitigating a signed custody agreement
OP - my suggestion is to contact your attorney and discuss it with them. You aren't going to get good advice here.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 14:25     Subject: Relitigating a signed custody agreement
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, sorry to hear you're going through this. Courts don't like changing things for the kid and your ex is going to have to prove why this change is in the child's best interest (so your defense needs to be that no change is in the child's best interest) or that his circumstances have changed enough that he cannot afford to pay anymore. The court will not like that your ex is doing this out of spite or to manipulate you into a larger change for your child.

IF the court agrees with your ex, ask for this to only go in effect after next school year so you can apply for Financial Aid. Have this new order written down and apply for financial aid at your private school with the change, excluding his income with your new custody arrangement as proof.


It appears that OP has one child, and earns at least 400K (half of the top 1% salary) and gets substantial child support.

While I agree that Dad isn't being reasonable, and should pay his share, I can't imagine she'll get financial aid with that profile.


I missed the 400K part. It's definitely worth asking the school anyway if it comes to that, but that does change things in terms of likelihood of receiving aid.

Outside of that, I think the Dad already establishing 4+ years of paying his share and suddenly not wanting to unless the child moves is not going to be a good look for him regardless if school is written into the order or not, it's precedent that's been well established. Courts tend to like maintaining precedent for the sake of the child's best interest unless material change has occurred and the status quo no longer works for the child.


What we don't know is what is the court order and why? Maybe dad doesn't feel the child is doing well at this school or had a change of income. Dad may not be ordered to pay for the school and in that case, a judge may not grant mom private school money and she'd have to use her income and child support. If he has that kind of income, she's getting a huge amount of child support, plus her income so her screaming she cannot afford it makes no sense.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 14:24     Subject: Relitigating a signed custody agreement
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are you not following the agreement?


We are. Ex who lives far away (and did when the agreement was signed) no longer wants to pay for private school unless DC is living with him in his city.


Does your agreement provide that he is responsible for private school payments separate from child support? If so, to change it, he has to prove (i) there has been a material change of circumstances and (ii) the change is in the best interests of the child. If, on the other hand, it is only a matter of changing child support, the process is easier.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 14:22     Subject: Relitigating a signed custody agreement
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, sorry to hear you're going through this. Courts don't like changing things for the kid and your ex is going to have to prove why this change is in the child's best interest (so your defense needs to be that no change is in the child's best interest) or that his circumstances have changed enough that he cannot afford to pay anymore. The court will not like that your ex is doing this out of spite or to manipulate you into a larger change for your child.

IF the court agrees with your ex, ask for this to only go in effect after next school year so you can apply for Financial Aid. Have this new order written down and apply for financial aid at your private school with the change, excluding his income with your new custody arrangement as proof.


It appears that OP has one child, and earns at least 400K (half of the top 1% salary) and gets substantial child support.

While I agree that Dad isn't being reasonable, and should pay his share, I can't imagine she'll get financial aid with that profile.


I missed the 400K part. It's definitely worth asking the school anyway if it comes to that, but that does change things in terms of likelihood of receiving aid.

Outside of that, I think the Dad already establishing 4+ years of paying his share and suddenly not wanting to unless the child moves is not going to be a good look for him regardless if school is written into the order or not, it's precedent that's been well established. Courts tend to like maintaining precedent for the sake of the child's best interest unless material change has occurred and the status quo no longer works for the child.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 14:14     Subject: Relitigating a signed custody agreement
Anonymous wrote:OP, sorry to hear you're going through this. Courts don't like changing things for the kid and your ex is going to have to prove why this change is in the child's best interest (so your defense needs to be that no change is in the child's best interest) or that his circumstances have changed enough that he cannot afford to pay anymore. The court will not like that your ex is doing this out of spite or to manipulate you into a larger change for your child.

IF the court agrees with your ex, ask for this to only go in effect after next school year so you can apply for Financial Aid. Have this new order written down and apply for financial aid at your private school with the change, excluding his income with your new custody arrangement as proof.


It appears that OP has one child, and earns at least 400K (half of the top 1% salary) and gets substantial child support.

While I agree that Dad isn't being reasonable, and should pay his share, I can't imagine she'll get financial aid with that profile.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 14:08     Subject: Relitigating a signed custody agreement
OP, sorry to hear you're going through this. Courts don't like changing things for the kid and your ex is going to have to prove why this change is in the child's best interest (so your defense needs to be that no change is in the child's best interest) or that his circumstances have changed enough that he cannot afford to pay anymore. The court will not like that your ex is doing this out of spite or to manipulate you into a larger change for your child.

IF the court agrees with your ex, ask for this to only go in effect after next school year so you can apply for Financial Aid. Have this new order written down and apply for financial aid at your private school with the change, excluding his income with your new custody arrangement as proof.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 00:21     Subject: Relitigating a signed custody agreement
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. That is an awful way to try to manipulate a child unless he has had some sort of genuine economic change.


The only change is that he now earns double what he did when child support was calculated (and still pays the old amount). He earns twice what I do and is in the top 1%.


Then you are getting a high amount of child support and have a large income and could pay for it in your own. Is it court ordered? If not you may be out of luck.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 00:10     Subject: Relitigating a signed custody agreement
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. That is an awful way to try to manipulate a child unless he has had some sort of genuine economic change.


The only change is that he now earns double what he did when child support was calculated (and still pays the old amount). He earns twice what I do and is in the top 1%.


So if he's in the top 1% and makes 2x what you do. You're still doing pretty alright and can afford the tuition.


No I can’t. The income curve isn’t linear at the top it’s asymptotic.