Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 08:25     Subject: Other people's kids in my house
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I always hear people saying they want to have the "hangout house" and I thought I wanted it too. Now I realize I don't.
My oldest son likes to have his best friend over who lives down the street. They can't go to his house because "it's too messy there". The kid constantly walks over, unannounced, with his preschool aged sibling and a couple of random neighbors whose parents I don't know. Wait a minute! Now I have to supervise a small kid who is prone to trampling my vegetable garden and terrorizing my pets, and I have kids on my trampoline who might get hurt and I won't have anyone to contact. All kinds of stuff getting broken. And if I text the mom and say "actually this isn't a good time" or something she sends a shrug emoji "They just love your house and run out the door to go there!" I don't want to have the fun house!
What I've realized is this: The kids who you want your kids to hang out with, polite, from the good families, are overscheduled and you can't pin them down for anything. It's the unholy terrors with lazy parents who will live at your house 24/7.


This resonates with me! Including the trampoline. We are becoming less and less available (example NOT HOME) for random playdates.


I appreciated having the fun house when I was older (middle and high school). My parents made sure to stock lots of food and drinks for kids and it was nice to have our house be the place people wanted to hang out. But we weren't little so we weren't breaking things or anything. And we also weren't drinking or smoking because I was a big nerd so we literally just hung out and watched movies and ate pizza.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 08:23     Subject: Other people's kids in my house
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote: Nothing in our house is valuable enough to worry about. I can’t imagine having a $20,000 sofa that mattered more than the guests.


+1. Part of having kids is that you don't have nice things. At least for a while.


Totally disagree that part of having kids means not having nice things. I raise my kids to only eat food in the kitchen at the table, to clean up spills when they happen, to be careful of how they fling their bodies around, to not climb or jump on furniture, and to be respectful of other people's things when a guest in their homes.


That sounds like my husband’s childhood A lifeless cold place with a guest only room. Our house was full of people with a lot of food and drinks and we needed every room available.

We didn’t treat other peoples houses with disrespect, we followed their rules.



I had a friend growing up who lived in a mansion (they had an eight-car garage), and there were so many places we weren't allowed to go. I remember one day her mom said we couldn't even go in the play room because it had just been vacuumed. Maybe they were throwing a party that night or something, but I just remember her house not being very fun.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 08:20     Subject: Other people's kids in my house
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote: Nothing in our house is valuable enough to worry about. I can’t imagine having a $20,000 sofa that mattered more than the guests.


+1. Part of having kids is that you don't have nice things. At least for a while.


Totally disagree that part of having kids means not having nice things. I raise my kids to only eat food in the kitchen at the table, to clean up spills when they happen, to be careful of how they fling their bodies around, to not climb or jump on furniture, and to be respectful of other people's things when a guest in their homes.


We have nice, but comfortable, furniture in our house. (Definitely not a $20k sofa!). We have it because I don't want to live with crappy things, but I also don't get upset if something happens to it. We host parties a lot with kids and they will sometimes break/ruin/stain things. I don't think it's ever intentional (or if it was done on purpose it was an age-appropriate mistake, like coloring on something you're not supposed to when you're a toddler), it's generally a total accident that could happen to anyone (spilling something when your foot gets caught on the rug) or just things that kids sometimes do. To me, it's worth the enjoyment of having friends over, but I know other people don't feel the same way and that's ok. It's one of the reasons we host. We also have dogs, and they do stupid stuff (I can't tell you how many rugs we have been through!), and I just consider it part of the life we choose to lead.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 06:44     Subject: Other people's kids in my house
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote: Nothing in our house is valuable enough to worry about. I can’t imagine having a $20,000 sofa that mattered more than the guests.


+1. Part of having kids is that you don't have nice things. At least for a while.


This. My kids play wiffle ball in the basement. Won’t be long until I’m finding hours on the walls. Better than vaping.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 06:31     Subject: Other people's kids in my house
Anonymous wrote:I always hear people saying they want to have the "hangout house" and I thought I wanted it too. Now I realize I don't.
My oldest son likes to have his best friend over who lives down the street. They can't go to his house because "it's too messy there". The kid constantly walks over, unannounced, with his preschool aged sibling and a couple of random neighbors whose parents I don't know. Wait a minute! Now I have to supervise a small kid who is prone to trampling my vegetable garden and terrorizing my pets, and I have kids on my trampoline who might get hurt and I won't have anyone to contact. All kinds of stuff getting broken. And if I text the mom and say "actually this isn't a good time" or something she sends a shrug emoji "They just love your house and run out the door to go there!" I don't want to have the fun house!
What I've realized is this: The kids who you want your kids to hang out with, polite, from the good families, are overscheduled and you can't pin them down for anything. It's the unholy terrors with lazy parents who will live at your house 24/7.


This is 100% true and entirely my experience.
Anonymous
Post 05/09/2024 00:09     Subject: Other people's kids in my house
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote: Nothing in our house is valuable enough to worry about. I can’t imagine having a $20,000 sofa that mattered more than the guests.


My son had a friend over who put stickers all over his wooden bed frame. It wasn't particularly valuable but it super annoying since they won't come off without elbow grease/ goo gone. It wasn't a $20,000 bed but I don't feel a burning need to replace $600 bed frames just because a kid is stupid.

It did teach me the valuable lesson of realizing that certain kids need more supervision when they are over though!


Why do you need to replace them because someone put stickers on them?


Stickers are really annoying, my kids stuck them everywhere. You’ll find something that will take them off. I thought every child who had ever had access to stickers stuck them somewhere inappropriate..


My 23 year old brother and 30 year old cousin still put stickers all over the place to get laughs.

There is a pokemon sticker on our kitchen light that’s been there for like 2 years. Doesn’t bother anyone and it’s funny whenever people notice it.
Anonymous
Post 05/08/2024 20:03     Subject: Other people's kids in my house
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote: Nothing in our house is valuable enough to worry about. I can’t imagine having a $20,000 sofa that mattered more than the guests.


+1. Part of having kids is that you don't have nice things. At least for a while.


Totally disagree that part of having kids means not having nice things. I raise my kids to only eat food in the kitchen at the table, to clean up spills when they happen, to be careful of how they fling their bodies around, to not climb or jump on furniture, and to be respectful of other people's things when a guest in their homes.


That sounds like my husband’s childhood A lifeless cold place with a guest only room. Our house was full of people with a lot of food and drinks and we needed every room available.

We didn’t treat other peoples houses with disrespect, we followed their rules.


Our house is often full of people and food and drinks. We just make kids eat and drink at the table. Our kids can take a bottle of water up to bed if they want (and we insist on it when they have fever). It's neither lifeless nor cold. But I was recently at a friend's house for a large party and saw a 6 yr old climb on a couch with her shoes on and attempt to scale the fireplace/mantle. I saw another kid around 7 or 8 drop food on the living room floor and grind it into the rug with his shoe. I dont' let kids wear shoes in our house and stay on top of them so they're not climbing furniture or taking food out of the kitchen, and if it drops, I clean it up or my kids will notice if their friends drop something and help to clean (or ask DH or I to help).
Anonymous
Post 05/08/2024 19:59     Subject: Other people's kids in my house
Anonymous wrote:I always hear people saying they want to have the "hangout house" and I thought I wanted it too. Now I realize I don't.
My oldest son likes to have his best friend over who lives down the street. They can't go to his house because "it's too messy there". The kid constantly walks over, unannounced, with his preschool aged sibling and a couple of random neighbors whose parents I don't know. Wait a minute! Now I have to supervise a small kid who is prone to trampling my vegetable garden and terrorizing my pets, and I have kids on my trampoline who might get hurt and I won't have anyone to contact. All kinds of stuff getting broken. And if I text the mom and say "actually this isn't a good time" or something she sends a shrug emoji "They just love your house and run out the door to go there!" I don't want to have the fun house!
What I've realized is this: The kids who you want your kids to hang out with, polite, from the good families, are overscheduled and you can't pin them down for anything. It's the unholy terrors with lazy parents who will live at your house 24/7.


This resonates with me! Including the trampoline. We are becoming less and less available (example NOT HOME) for random playdates.
Anonymous
Post 05/08/2024 19:57     Subject: Other people's kids in my house
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote: Nothing in our house is valuable enough to worry about. I can’t imagine having a $20,000 sofa that mattered more than the guests.


My son had a friend over who put stickers all over his wooden bed frame. It wasn't particularly valuable but it super annoying since they won't come off without elbow grease/ goo gone. It wasn't a $20,000 bed but I don't feel a burning need to replace $600 bed frames just because a kid is stupid.

It did teach me the valuable lesson of realizing that certain kids need more supervision when they are over though!


Why do you need to replace them because someone put stickers on them?


Stickers are really annoying, my kids stuck them everywhere. You’ll find something that will take them off. I thought every child who had ever had access to stickers stuck them somewhere inappropriate..
Anonymous
Post 05/08/2024 19:53     Subject: Other people's kids in my house
Anonymous wrote: Nothing in our house is valuable enough to worry about. I can’t imagine having a $20,000 sofa that mattered more than the guests.


I kind of love having kids run around and trash my house!
Anonymous
Post 05/08/2024 19:00     Subject: Other people's kids in my house
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote: Nothing in our house is valuable enough to worry about. I can’t imagine having a $20,000 sofa that mattered more than the guests.


My son had a friend over who put stickers all over his wooden bed frame. It wasn't particularly valuable but it super annoying since they won't come off without elbow grease/ goo gone. It wasn't a $20,000 bed but I don't feel a burning need to replace $600 bed frames just because a kid is stupid.

It did teach me the valuable lesson of realizing that certain kids need more supervision when they are over though!


Why do you need to replace them because someone put stickers on them?
Anonymous
Post 05/08/2024 18:29     Subject: Other people's kids in my house
I always hear people saying they want to have the "hangout house" and I thought I wanted it too. Now I realize I don't.
My oldest son likes to have his best friend over who lives down the street. They can't go to his house because "it's too messy there". The kid constantly walks over, unannounced, with his preschool aged sibling and a couple of random neighbors whose parents I don't know. Wait a minute! Now I have to supervise a small kid who is prone to trampling my vegetable garden and terrorizing my pets, and I have kids on my trampoline who might get hurt and I won't have anyone to contact. All kinds of stuff getting broken. And if I text the mom and say "actually this isn't a good time" or something she sends a shrug emoji "They just love your house and run out the door to go there!" I don't want to have the fun house!
What I've realized is this: The kids who you want your kids to hang out with, polite, from the good families, are overscheduled and you can't pin them down for anything. It's the unholy terrors with lazy parents who will live at your house 24/7.
Anonymous
Post 05/08/2024 17:54     Subject: Other people's kids in my house
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote: Nothing in our house is valuable enough to worry about. I can’t imagine having a $20,000 sofa that mattered more than the guests.


+1. Part of having kids is that you don't have nice things. At least for a while.


Totally disagree that part of having kids means not having nice things. I raise my kids to only eat food in the kitchen at the table, to clean up spills when they happen, to be careful of how they fling their bodies around, to not climb or jump on furniture, and to be respectful of other people's things when a guest in their homes.


That sounds like my husband’s childhood A lifeless cold place with a guest only room. Our house was full of people with a lot of food and drinks and we needed every room available.

We didn’t treat other peoples houses with disrespect, we followed their rules.

Anonymous
Post 05/08/2024 17:17     Subject: Other people's kids in my house
Anonymous wrote:Every time other people's kids come to my house, for days afterward I find bits of what they damaged around my house.



That's the mutual price us parents pay for free fun and social development of our children. That being said that's how I felt when my kids were younger but so much as an empty nester. My physical and financial ability to cover the mess and damage has gone down general anxiety level has gone up with retirement, ailments and age.
Anonymous
Post 05/08/2024 16:41     Subject: Re:Other people's kids in my house
Anonymous wrote:Make your kids responsible for their friends' behavior. My kids' friends are (mostly) not destructive but they did leave snack bags and drinks all over the basement when they were over a few months ago. I honestly don't really care about the 3 minutes it took to clean it up but I do care about attracting bugs and mice into the basement. So I told my kids that they were no longer allowed to have snacks in the basement (with or without friends there) if it happened again. My kids spend a lot of time down there so having to come to kitchen each time they wanted a drink was going to get old quick. And now they clean up every single time--haven't had the issue again.


NO, OP is the adult and is responsible.