Anonymous wrote:Read "Untangled" by Lisa Damour, ASAP.

People are piling on you out of insecurity. The thing to do is pick battles but set absolutely clear limits and fight the few important battles, even if you dont' think you will win. And continue being supportive no matter what.

This. For me, vaping is a hard boundary. Based on your reactions to other posters, you seem very blase about vaping. You can figure out if she's doing it if you want to.

If it was my daughter, I'd say the grades have to stay up, don't touch the issue of the boyfriend and let it go, and be clear that if she is vaping she will lose a significant amount of her personal freedom and privileges.

Do NOT crack down on the boyfriend. That will only push her towards him. She will want to prove that she's right and you're wrong, so will stay with him longer than she might have otherwise. Be nice about the boyfriend, but crack down on the vaping and any other unacceptable behavior.

Anonymous wrote:DD has gone from a sweet, popular girl with sports, clubs, and honor roll to a straight up baddy. I suspect she vapes, she's dating a rebel type boy and is just letting everything slip. How do we stop this train?? She says she's in love. She has new friends now. Doesn't seem as into her sport or clubs though we still insist she attend. Before anyone blames our parenting, we have clear boundaries and those are respected but we don't know how to control the crowd she's selecting to be with - in the name of love!!! lol

What boundaries is she respecting?

You stop this train by increasing the boundaries. Her grades need to go back up and effort put into her activities. She's grounded until that happens.

What does she love about her boyfriend?

Read "Untangled" by Lisa Damour, ASAP.

People are piling on you out of insecurity. The thing to do is pick battles but set absolutely clear limits and fight the few important battles, even if you dont' think you will win. And continue being supportive no matter what.

Watch Thirteen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating in 8th grade????

+1 why parents put up with this sh*t is beyond me

How are you going to stop it? Never have them lrave the house? Controlling behaviors can easily backfire.

You raise them a certain way so they aren’t slaves to fashion trends, boys, peer pressure, etc. You don’t allow frivolous behavior - roaming the mall with friends or hanging out at stores. You say no to nail polish at the age of 8. You say no to booty shorts and crop tops. You keep a close eye on their friends group and make connections with parents. You don’t allow them to hang out if you don’t like their friend group. You keep them busy with school, activities, and family activities on weekends. The Asians and Indians seem to have it down - the American culture is crazy.

Wait, really? All my goody two shoes friends and I did at that age was roam the mall. Hell, we roamed Michigan Avenue, courtesy of Metra. No drugs, sex, or cigarettes. All graduated from college, single and without pregnancies or legal issues.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating in 8th grade????

+1 why parents put up with this sh*t is beyond me

How are you going to stop it? Never have them lrave the house? Controlling behaviors can easily backfire.

You raise them a certain way so they aren’t slaves to fashion trends, boys, peer pressure, etc. You don’t allow frivolous behavior - roaming the mall with friends or hanging out at stores. You say no to nail polish at the age of 8. You say no to booty shorts and crop tops. You keep a close eye on their friends group and make connections with parents. You don’t allow them to hang out if you don’t like their friend group. You keep them busy with school, activities, and family activities on weekends. The Asians and Indians seem to have it down - the American culture is crazy.

Go to the New England Journal of Medicine and download some photos of lungs and lung scans of people who vape. It causes permanent lung damage. The valorized oil then congeals on lung tissue and cannot be removed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD has gone from a sweet, popular girl with sports, clubs, and honor roll to a straight up baddy. I suspect she vapes, she's dating a rebel type boy and is just letting everything slip. How do we stop this train?? She says she's in love. She has new friends now. Doesn't seem as into her sport or clubs though we still insist she attend. Before anyone blames our parenting, we have clear boundaries and those are respected but we don't know how to control the crowd she's selecting to be with - in the name of love!!! lol

Well clearly you don't, or your boundaries need reexamining, if she's vaping and dating as an 8th grader.

+1 as soon as OP said her daughter was “dating” in the 8th grade a red flag popped up. You don’t allow an 8th grader to date. You now can see what happens. Good luck.

If my DD was doing this, she would be in a different school within a week. We would rent an apartment 30 miles away in a good school district and restart the clock.

Sure she can rebel and run away or what not, I guess. But if that is her response, then escalation is the right choice.

Not everyone has the money to do this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating in 8th grade????

+1 why parents put up with this sh*t is beyond me

How are you going to stop it? Never have them lrave the house? Controlling behaviors can easily backfire.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD has gone from a sweet, popular girl with sports, clubs, and honor roll to a straight up baddy. I suspect she vapes, she's dating a rebel type boy and is just letting everything slip. How do we stop this train?? She says she's in love. She has new friends now. Doesn't seem as into her sport or clubs though we still insist she attend. Before anyone blames our parenting, we have clear boundaries and those are respected but we don't know how to control the crowd she's selecting to be with - in the name of love!!! lol

Well clearly you don't, or your boundaries need reexamining, if she's vaping and dating as an 8th grader.

+1 as soon as OP said her daughter was “dating” in the 8th grade a red flag popped up. You don’t allow an 8th grader to date. You now can see what happens. Good luck.

If my DD was doing this, she would be in a different school within a week. We would rent an apartment 30 miles away in a good school district and restart the clock.

Sure she can rebel and run away or what not, I guess. But if that is her response, then escalation is the right choice.

Anonymous wrote:Dating in 8th grade????

+1 why parents put up with this sh*t is beyond me

Tell her that she needs to pull herself together and she can't be one of those girls who loses herself over a boy and say if she doesn't pull her grades up and xyz, she'll lose her phone for a year and you're putting her in therapy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD has gone from a sweet, popular girl with sports, clubs, and honor roll to a straight up baddy. I suspect she vapes, she's dating a rebel type boy and is just letting everything slip. How do we stop this train?? She says she's in love. She has new friends now. Doesn't seem as into her sport or clubs though we still insist she attend. Before anyone blames our parenting, we have clear boundaries and those are respected but we don't know how to control the crowd she's selecting to be with - in the name of love!!! lol

Well clearly you don't, or your boundaries need reexamining, if she's vaping and dating as an 8th grader.

+1 as soon as OP said her daughter was “dating” in the 8th grade a red flag popped up. You don’t allow an 8th grader to date. You now can see what happens. Good luck.

A friend of DD is like this and when she’s at our house, I can tell she’s screaming for help or attention. I think she wishes her parents would freak out about things.