Change in work location can be considered constructive dismissal, making you eligible for unemployment insurance if you decline to make the change and get fired.

Anonymous wrote:What I left unsaid is that he's the breadwinner (his salary is twice mine), and he's threatened to use my mental illness against me as far as custody if I file for divorce. Yes, ideally the non-military spouse would get physical custody and move wherever, but there are some other circumstances at play here. He's not going to give them up for me to move back to my job, even if it's just out of spite.

What is your mental illness? This doesn't always work as well as a custody seeking parent wants it to - and it can backfire on them in court (not always, depends on the illness, treatment, circumstances, etc etc).

Can he be a single parent while in the military? You need to seek the advice of a lawyer. They are the only ones that can give you real information.

Anonymous wrote:It’s a verbal commitment so it is meaningless anyway. You have an informal arrangement with your employer and it’s subject to change no matter your marital status.

This isn’t unlike the issues millions of people considering divorce have to confront.

If your WFH status is the determining factor for divorce and not how well you are prepared to single parent (you’ll get custody, no doubt), I think there’s some more homework you need to do about what post-divorce life will look like.

I mean, needing a job is #1 priority.

It’s a verbal commitment so it is meaningless anyway. You have an informal arrangement with your employer and it’s subject to change no matter your marital status.

This isn’t unlike the issues millions of people considering divorce have to confront.

If your WFH status is the determining factor for divorce and not how well you are prepared to single parent (you’ll get custody, no doubt), I think there’s some more homework you need to do about what post-divorce life will look like.

What I left unsaid is that he's the breadwinner (his salary is twice mine), and he's threatened to use my mental illness against me as far as custody if I file for divorce. Yes, ideally the non-military spouse would get physical custody and move wherever, but there are some other circumstances at play here. He's not going to give them up for me to move back to my job, even if it's just out of spite.

Your best course of action is to make an appointment with an attorney knowledgeable about military divorces (pay cash or have a trusted family member like your mom write a check.)

Write down all of your questions. Each case has some nuance but you will walk away with actual facts about what to expect.

Does your husband still deploy? Is there any chance of getting assigned to DC again? Where is your family located? Who is the breadwinner? What’s the HHI breakdown between both of you? How long has he been in the military?

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why the presumption is that the children would stay with your husband rather than you. What makes the military parent the default?

It's not the case. People just have no idea what they are talking about.

They stay with the non-military parent lol! Fellow milspouse, what you mean to say is the man totally abandons all responsibility of having kids and in many cases never, ever sees those kids again. They then remarry and have more kids like it never happened.

Why not wait until he's up to PCS and then proceed? Then you're both moving and the court can consider which party should have primary custody? Even better if you can get him to pick the coty of your employer for his next duty station, wait long enough to establish residency then proceed with the divorce.

Consult a lawyer though and see what they say. Maybe the custody factors are such that a judge would approve a move now.

I don't understand why the presumption is that the children would stay with your husband rather than you. What makes the military parent the default?

You should look into what happens when a military member is a single parent - my understanding is that they need to have someone else who can take the kids on a moments notice. This might actually help you keep custody and move back to where your employer is located.

I would talk to your employer and you may have to be more forthcoming than you would like. However, it is worth it. Good luck and sorry you are going through this.

Anonymous wrote:Do they require proof of military service yearly? I would assume if you divorce and he gets new orders you dont have to go but the kids might? How does that work?

They do not require proof. I suspect they assume no sane person would live in the places I have for no reason.

Like PP said, most of the time the kids stay with the non-military parent, but I don't know of any divorced military parents who live in different towns. Most of the spouses just find a local job, but like I said, I haven't been able to. I've been trying for three years!