Anonymous wrote:I have a friend whose husband was afraid to get a V, he canceled his appointment because of cold feet. Then she got pregnant (they already had 2 kids)and he said if she didn’t have an abortion, their marriage was over and he was leaving.

Sounds like her husband and your husband might be pretty similar. Don’t want another kid, not willing to be in charge of the permanent birth control, perfectly happy for wife to have IUD or even an abortion.

I hope she left.

Every male member of my family in my generation and my dad’s got a vasectomy once their families were complete. TMI, but it’s the truth. OP’s husband is being a drama llama.

I do want one more baby but also know it's a terrible idea for multiple reasons (age, previous C-sections) so it's a hard no. I will tell DH about the laser vasectomies. Both urologists he met do things traditionally with a scalpel.

For better or worse, I have used sex as a lever to nudge DH in the right direction. I limit it to only times I know I can't get pregnant, and tell him things can return to normal once he gets the vasectomy. The problem is that he seems to have become complacent with this. I never thought it would stretch out this long.

Anonymous wrote:So all this “my body, my choice” stuff goes out the window when it’s a man?

He’s supposed to give up his fertility permanently because you don’t want to have more children? What if you get hit by a bus tomorrow?

Op, have you considered tubal ligation?

Well, THEY don't want more kids it sounds like. He seemed fine with the birth control that OP had been taking for presumably decades, and seemed fine with OP having c sections to produce children for him. If he is now fine with using lambskin condoms and having sex 1-2 times a month right when she stops bleeding, then that's great. But if OP doesn't like that sex life, then that's a marital problem. She can't make him do anything to his body obviously, but if the woman in the relationship said "i'm going to stop all of my birth control and we will just see what happens", people would warn the man that she is trying to trap him, they wouldnt be like "well, her body her choice with all of those hormonal medications that can lead to blood clots and strokes!"

Husband had it done by laser at GW. Zero issues (4 years later now). Recovery fast, no big deal. He was 49. Should have had him do it much earlier.

Insist he use condoms every time

The above is ridiculous. A tubal ligation is abdominal surgery. Abdominal surgery comes with potential long-term consequences. A vasectomy is a procedure. As mentioned above- vasectomies can be reversed. I am in health care and cannot believe the lengths women are expected to go to manage fertility. Ridiculous.

So all this “my body, my choice” stuff goes out the window when it’s a man?

He’s supposed to give up his fertility permanently because you don’t want to have more children? What if you get hit by a bus tomorrow?

Op, have you considered tubal ligation?

Selfish. So selfish. Though I hesitate with all the suggestions of an ultimatum. I think this inability to get a vasectomy and the feelings it’s causing you are an indication of bigger relationship problems that need unpacking.

My DH had a complication. It's hard to explain, and not actually related to the vasectomy part but rather the sedation part (which he opted for).

He’s being ridiculous. Vasectomy complications are exceedingly rare.

Agree, no sex until he gets snipped.

He already won because you are believing there is a “prevalence of bad vasectomies.”

I have a friend whose husband was afraid to get a V, he canceled his appointment because of cold feet. Then she got pregnant (they already had 2 kids)and he said if she didn’t have an abortion, their marriage was over and he was leaving.

Sounds like her husband and your husband might be pretty similar. Don’t want another kid, not willing to be in charge of the permanent birth control, perfectly happy for wife to have IUD or even an abortion.

Yes, he is being 100% irrational! My DH got one and it was nothing. Of course if he was frightened he would have never admitted it to me because I almost died during my C-section. You are likely aware of the maternal death rate in this country and had children anyway. He needs to grow a pair. Honestly, I think I would divorce over his immaturity.

My husband had a vasectomy, had complications, and still recommends it to his friends. His suggestion is to make sure you see someone who does this all the time and not the PCP who does them every Friday.