Anonymous wrote:I have never stopped having hobbies, volunteering, and making friends. So as my kids have left for college, while there was an empty room in the house there wasn't this big gaping hole of time. I've never revolved my entire life around my kids. My volunteer position had nothing to do with them, and I've always made friends from different walks of life (including people without kids).

Anonymous wrote:I definitely felt like you when my kids left the house, and now I'm four years in. I'm still working, but here are things that I have done to change my mindset:
1) Focus putting energy out to connect. Whether it is reaching out to an old friend you haven't communicated with, or chatting with a neighbor with zero expectation of friendship. Expending that energy leads to feeling more connected, regardless of whether you have new friends or not. Be bolder in this effort to - again with zero expectations. A younger neighbor, for example left us a note that he had noticed that we were renovating, and he was renovating too, and would we like to connect. That took effort, and risking rejection, yet it was low stakes. It led to a neighbor that I sometimes take a walk with. It made me realize I could do a lot more. A new neighbor moved in, and just now as I was walking home, I decided to reach out and introduce myself. Making those efforts can happen all the time (and no, doesn't read desperate if you don't make it that way).
2) Instead of focusing on loneliness, focusing more on how you want to spend your remaining hours of your life. For me, that means putting in the effort of connecting, contributing to something greater than myself, using my body, learning, being creative, connecting with my spiritual side and being in nature. Then I am making sure that my time reflects those priorities, people happen with that.
3) For me, I had spent so much focus on my kids, that I had shut down on finding that creative spark, and that has been coming back with just more exercise of that. It may just be taking photos with your phone for no reason, or writing in a journal, starting small is fine. Some of the things that I used to want to do, I don't anymore, and some things are threads that continue and I can just put more energy into.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My new group consists of people I met through -

Yoga
Pilates
Zumba
Aquatic exercise class
Bird Watching
Travelling
Brunch group, birthday groups
Karaoke
Cards
Potlucks
Book Clubs
Theatre, movie, performance goers
Korean spa group
Gambling group

How did you find these groups?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never stopped having hobbies, volunteering, and making friends. So as my kids have left for college, while there was an empty room in the house there wasn't this big gaping hole of time. I've never revolved my entire life around my kids. My volunteer position had nothing to do with them, and I've always made friends from different walks of life (including people without kids).

ok, that's great for you, but you are not helping OP.

I'll be on OP's shoes in two years. I might go back to church.

Anonymous wrote:My new group consists of people I met through -

Yoga
Pilates
Zumba
Aquatic exercise class
Bird Watching
Travelling
Brunch group, birthday groups
Karaoke
Cards
Potlucks
Book Clubs
Theatre, movie, performance goers
Korean spa group
Gambling group

Anonymous wrote:Don’t give up on the gym - I made friends there. Not close ones bc I am only 40 and work FT with young kids at home, but there was a group of 50-55 women who were clearly close and kind enough to adopt new members.